Joys of being a parent!

[SandyDown]

Benny, its your duty as a parent to look out for your kids, if you had to look into their computer or diary then so be it, just don't get caught doing it

Also take any non-parents advise with a pinch of salt, people are quite wise when their own hands is not in the fire like yours.

thunderlizard: can you be my friend ? I need a friend like you

[wendigo100]

Benny, my daughter is 16. You just need to cool down. She's growing up, same as we all did once.

The most important thing is to keep a good relationship with her while she's doing it. The rest follows.

[NickFitz]

And please don't take it to heart, at least she's not a Lesbian

Just out of curiosity, what's wrong with the possibility of her being a lesbian? Some of my best friends etc. and they're all very nice people

(Admittedly it's not a good scenario if you're hoping for grandchildren.)

Edit: I am a non-parent so SD's pinch of salt applies to anything I might say. Mind, that's usually the case

[WindyAnna]

Benny

Seriously wouldn't worry about the snogging, it was only that and in a public place, we all did it.

SD's reply was excellent so not much to add really.

Except that we had similar this with my step-daughter when she was around 15. She was at our house and had been using Mr Windy Anna's laptop in some chat rooms, had fallen asleep and screen saver had kicked in and she didn't know password. Next morning Mr WA picked it up, typed in the password and was confronted by the text of a very explicit chat with some "lad". Aargh - both shocked but not sure what to do. I was pretty sure that it was all talk but what worried me was that she had mentioned stuff about what she was prepared to do but also dropped lots of hints about the location of our house and her house. I was more frightened for her safety with people who she knew nothing about than anything else. Mr WA's attitude was that it was at least on the PC not in real life so do nowt but I wanted to talk to her about safety but without mentioning we'd seen anything. Also concerned that she didn't seem to realise that "putting her self about" in a cyber sense was a bit demeaning (do not get me started on portayal of women in dance and R&B videos).

So two things ....

I did have a general chat with her about on-line safety and the fact that whilst I support anyone's right to have sex whenever and wherever they wanted you shouldn't just do it cos you think it is expected of you and that being a slapper is not necessarily a good life choice especially as a teenager where everyone will call you for it. I have to say that even though I have known her since she was 3 and adore her I am only a weekend parent to her - not sure if I will handle it as well when it comes to my own daughter!

Also Mr WA told her that she had left the laptop on when she fell asleep at not closed the chat windows - extreme shock on her face!!! Mr WA then tells her that he hadn't looked at what she was doing just shut it down - extreme releif on her face!! Mr WA then can't resist pushing at and tells her that the laptop is owned by his client and that everything that happens on their PCs is logged centrally and reviewed and that he hoped she hadn't been doing anything naughty cos otherwise he will get a call from his boss about it - extreme shock again!! At which point Mr WA and I POSL and she relaxes, Mr WA has an evil streak I think and is also pretty laid back about his little girl growing up - surprisingly. I think she knew that we knew but was glad we never said.

I think that the Bebo thing is most worrying, I would try to talk to her about that.

Our relationship with step daughter (now 17) is great, she does now have a "proper" boyfriend and is "in lurve", her Mum is worried about her getting pregnant but somehow me and Mr WA are the ones who've ended up having the contraception chat with her!! I am more worried about her getting hurt, I know it is going to happen and I still remember how horribly painful it is the first time (and every other time but then you know what to expect).

sorry, Monday morning wobblegob on this post - hope you get it sorted.

Windy

[Benny]

Thanks for all of your replies, it's hard realising that the little girl is now growing into a woman.
The comment on the BeBo page was "suck my knob"!! wtf??? Also the email conversations used the C & F word... words we don't as a family allow. I’ve always said to the kids that I will monitor what is going on their computers so being a fascist dad is part of the territory.

Anyway - I sat her down in my study and asked in a calm and rational manner her what the phrase "suck my knob" meant to her, she twigged what I was on about and started to flounder for a possible excuse - I said the page would be visible to her cousins, Aunties & Uncles etc and it reflected badly on us as a family. Then when I mentioned the language in the emails the tears welled up (doesn't melt my heart anymore) & I explained that neither I or her mother use that kind of language and we didn't expect it of our children.

We then moved onto the snogging.
I asked her if we needed to have a very embarrassing talk about things because if she was now at the stage of having boyfriends I felt I was too young to be a Granddad, I know they have had sex education at school so she squirmed and said everything was OK, but I will ask her mum to broach the subject of contraception in a year or so....feck don't even want to think about her having sex!!

I also told her access to BeBo & ebuddy would be blocked immediately (fascist dad again) - although she can probably get external access- though she did promise to delete the BeBo site.

Dunno what else to do , dunno how it leaves us, I never thought I'd be so affected, and in truth it's 2/3 years earlier than I would have liked.

Trying to be a realist but in a weird way I truly am heartbroken

[DBA_bloke]

Anyway - I sat her down in my study and asked in a calm and rational manner her what the phrase "suck my knob" meant to her

You have, I suggest, stepped way, way over the line, and gone a bit nutty. I can understand your POV, but...

Imagine reading that a father had sat his daughter down in his study and asked her what the phrase "suck my knob" meant to her. What would you think?

I am not suggesting you have done anything "horrible", but watch it, FFS, these things can escalate into horror stories of accusations, denials, etc.

[MarillionFan]

My daughter is now 15 months and we recently caught her kissing a 15 month old boy at nursery. I was incensed and burnt down both the nursery and the boys parents house.

I've told her shes going nowhere now until she's as lease 30 months.

[daviejones]

Just discovered that my 14-year-old daughter was seen playing tonsil tennis with a youth in centre of town yesterday while supposedly out with her friends.

Also a quick examination of her PC reveals a BeBo home page with very unsuitable slogan, and an email exchange with another using very very colourful language.



What to do? Should I come down hard on her or just accept that daddy’s little girl is growing up.

Has anyone else been though this tulip or similar? to the female posters on the board what would be the best approach?
Wifey is leaving it to me to be the disciplinarian, sometimes wish we'd just had boys!

A line from a Pink Floyd song springs to mind:

If they catch you in the back seat trying to pick her locks
They're gonna send you home to momma in a cardboard box...

HTH

[SallyAnne]

Benny, its your duty as a parent to look out for your kids, if you had to look into their computer or diary then so be it, just don't get caught doing it

Also take any non-parents advise with a pinch of salt, people are quite wise when their own hands is not in the fire like yours.

thunderlizard: can you be my friend ? I need a friend like you

Oh here we go again...the "only parents understand" brigade.

No I'm not a parent, but I'm a daughter. And I've been a teenage daughter with a dad who had to deal with me. Doesn't that qualify me for answerring this question like?

[SallyAnne]

Anyway - I sat her down in my study and asked in a calm and rational manner her what the phrase "suck my knob" meant to her(

Erm...forget everything I said. The lass is scared for life now, and will never tell you a thing from this point onward.

Happy empty relationship!