Plan B

[tomtomagain]

Funny enough, someone has just approached me about a very new startup which has raised £200m to go into this very space. Quite interested in that.

Because the world needs another delivery company? Uber for kebabs?

[northernladyuk]

Because the world needs another delivery company? Uber for kebabs?

Why can't people just nip downstairs to buy them, like AtW.

[Fronttoback]

Because the world needs another delivery company? Uber for kebabs?

I think you missed the point, Tom.

I'm a kebab broker. A stinky fixer, if you like.

I hook you up to a kebab. That kebab may not have come from a kebab shop, per se.

Get it? It's scalable.

There are a lot of Turks in North London that can do a mean shish in a sandwhich maker.

Or, if you are small and want to speculate - you could go and buy 20 kebabs which you store at home. Then, you get on the kebabs direct site and bid for the jobs - then you get on your moped and shift that stock at a profit.

[quackhandle]

I've just realised I need a Plan B, to make it sound like Plan A actually involved a bit of planning.

Have these ideas been done?

1. eBay arbitrageur

What I will do is scan local classifieds for items that are priced lower than they are on eBay. Then, if the buy/sell profit is more than the postal cost - I will buy/sell/post and lock in the profit. Time is money so I'll look to outsource the labour ASAP.

2. Value Add stone merchant

What I will do is comb the local beaches for small pieces of broken glass. I will then put them in my blender. Lastly I will glue them to a 1980s style beaded necklace and market it as "Atlantis Neck Wear". I will do my research, I will buy Google data to see where the most hippies are living and will target their local classifieds.

3. Post Redirection

I am going to offer my address (which i will invent to sound good and redirect at the post office). Something like "
Villa Regale, Ocean View Road". I will then allow you to get your mail sent to me and I will forward to your address. Everything gets opened and repackaged to prevent illegal activity. I will employ local Phillipino maids (they are everywhere in the med) to take care of the repackaging for me- I will employ a local kid to drop off and pick up the packaging to the maids.

4. Kebabs Direct

Ever feel like a kebab on the way home from the pub but there is no kebab shop nearby? No problem, I'm a kebab broker - I match up kebab producers to kebab consumers. I use Deliveroo. My business model is subscription based. As long as subscription income beats Deliveroo expense it's a winner. I aim to be the Uber of the kebab space. The "Mara-Doner".

One or more of these could be a real Plan B.

You missed out Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club.

qh

[northernladyuk]

I think you missed the point, Tom.

I'm a kebab broker. A stinky fixer, if you like.

I hook you up to a kebab. That kebab may not have come from a kebab shop, per se.

Get it? It's scalable.

There are a lot of Turks in North London that can do a mean shish in a sandwhich maker.

Or, if you are small and want to speculate - you could go and buy 20 kebabs which you store at home. Then, you get on the kebabs direct site and bid for the jobs - then you get on your moped and shift that stock at a profit.

You need kebab drones to scale it properly.

[Fronttoback]

You need kebab drones to scale it properly.

Also, registered kebab "hothouses" dotted around cities. That way, if I'm bidding on the site and im doing well but I'm light on stock, I may be able to borrow kebabs from another part of town. Sell those kebabs at a profit during peak time. Then during quiet time I buy kebabs cheaper and replace the borrowed stock at the silo. Locking in a profit.

And, once a deal is done to deliver a kebab. I, as the deliverer who won the bid, can simply sell the deal on to another deliverer who is nearer the drop off and has less cost to drop off. Kebabs direct facilitates that transaction and takes a commission.

[northernladyuk]

Also, registered kebab "hothouses" dotted around cities. That way, if I'm bidding on the site and im doing well but I'm light on stock, I may be able to borrow kebabs from another part of town. Sell those kebabs at a profit during peak time. Then during quiet time I buy kebabs cheaper and replace the borrowed stock at the silo. Locking in a profit.

And, once a deal is done to deliver a kebab. I, as the deliverer who won the bid, can simply sell the deal on to another deliverer who is nearer the drop off and has less cost to drop off. Kebabs direct facilitates that transaction and takes a commission.

You need to consider kebab futures and collateralised derivatives.

[Fronttoback]

You need to consider kebab futures and collateralised derivatives.

I will also lend my deliverers money to buy more kebab stock. You have 5 babs on the books tonight? You want 50? You want 100? No problem, I'll lend you the $ at a %age. The beauty is, this money goes into the kebabs - and here's the clever bit- guess who funds the supply of the extra kebabs?

You got it! That loan goes straight back into kebabs direct. More kebabs means bigger profits. So not only am I making a % on the loan, I'm generating more business off the loan itself. All through the kebab.

[MrMarkyMark]

I will also lend my deliverers money to buy more kebab stock. You have 5 babs on the books tonight? You want 50? You want 100? No problem, I'll lend you the $ at a %age. The beauty is, this money goes into the kebabs - and here's the clever bit- guess who funds the supply of the extra kebabs?

You got it! That loan goes straight back into kebabs direct. More kebabs means bigger profits. So not only am I making a % on the loan, I'm generating more business off the loan itself. All through the kebab.

For gods sake pass the spliff man, you have been holding on to that beauty far too long

[Lockhouse]

I will also lend my deliverers money to buy more kebab stock. You have 5 babs on the books tonight? You want 50? You want 100? No problem, I'll lend you the $ at a %age. The beauty is, this money goes into the kebabs - and here's the clever bit- guess who funds the supply of the extra kebabs?

You got it! That loan goes straight back into kebabs direct. More kebabs means bigger profits. So not only am I making a % on the loan, I'm generating more business off the loan itself. All through the kebab.

If you need a debt collector for kebab loan defaulters then I'm your man. Kebab loan defaulter debt collection has been my Plan B for ages but I've been waiting until the market was ready.