Told off on my first day...

[PurpleGorilla]

So, gonna change your name to the Love Monkey, then

that's what the Mrs calls me.

[SimonMac]

Fake a medical condition and they will never bother you again, say you can't hold onto the rail as you have arthritis.

One place I managed to convince I had dyslexia because I forgot to spell check a change request

[Cliphead]

Elf 'n safety at the new permie gig delivered in one sentence on first day. If you hear the fire alarm follow everybody else. That was it and this is a bank.

[VectraMan]

Health and Safety seems very lax at my current WFH gig. I did at least test the smoke alarms by making a bacon sandwich the other day.

[vetran]

that's what the Mrs calls MF.

FTFY

[LondonManc]

that's what the Mrs calls me.

Do you get worried or excited (or both) when Mrs PG spanks her monkey?

[MrMarkyMark]

FTFY

Do you get worried or excited (or both) when Mrs PG spanks MF

[TheFaQQer]

I've never seen anyone told off for using stairs incorrectly since I left school ("don't RUN!") is this for real?

Possibly.

When I worked in Runcorn, we had strict policies on things like this - can't carry a hot drink without a lid, have to use the handrail, have to reverse into a parking space because it's safer.

Nothing about the plant leaking chemicals into the Mersey, or clouds of chlorine escaping, that was OK.

[psychocandy]

One client told me if main car park is full, dont park on the road (no yellow lines) use the overflow. Which was 20 mins walk away.

Sod that. First reason I got was "we're responsible for you're safety so we dont want you to park on the road and get run over". What a load of bollacks.

Then they tried "we don't like employees of ours parking on the road - the owner of the industrial estate dont like it". Umm get them to put yellow lines then.

And also, tell your employees what you want but not me.

So I parked on the road every time....

[PurpleGorilla]

One client told me if main car park is full, dont park on the road (no yellow lines) use the overflow. Which was 20 mins walk away.

Sod that. First reason I got was "we're responsible for you're safety so we dont want you to park on the road and get run over". What a load of bollacks.

Then they tried "we don't like employees of ours parking on the road - the owner of the industrial estate dont like it". Umm get them to put yellow lines then.

And also, tell your employees what you want but not me.

So I parked on the road every time....

Always park in the contractor car park (a.k.a The Visitor's car park).

Nice and close to the entrance, and wide spaces so you don't get your door dinged.