ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH? THE FUNNIEST FESTIVE JOKES FOR 2015
1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10
2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil
3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch
4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue
6. Why don't Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong
7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o
8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked
9. Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh
10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce
The witticisms that just missed out on the top spots include:
Why won't Tom Jones be carol singing this Christmas? He's lost his Voice
Why didn't people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars? They didn't have any Windows
Why doesn't anyone trust Jeremy Corbyn to put up the Christmas tree? Because it always leans to the left
1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10
2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil
3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch
4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue
6. Why don't Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong
7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o
8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked
9. Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh
10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce
The witticisms that just missed out on the top spots include:
Why won't Tom Jones be carol singing this Christmas? He's lost his Voice
Why didn't people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars? They didn't have any Windows
Why doesn't anyone trust Jeremy Corbyn to put up the Christmas tree? Because it always leans to the left
