Agents - a balanced view

[mudskipper]

Pinched from IPSE forums

https://mocko.org.uk/b/2015/10/14/do...r-infestation/

I particularly like the verb "mouthfart"

[DodgyAgent]

Try calling one. You’ll find yourself talking to some feckless third-rate bulltulipter who overuses your name and pretends to care about your weekend in a naff attempt to “build rapport”. Most are failed salesmen; too slimy for it to work on anyone but us social inepts in tech. They’ll force-feed you half an hour of sales patter before finally admitting who the client is.



He's one of mine

[mudskipper]

Try calling one. You’ll find yourself talking to some feckless third-rate bulltulipter who overuses your name and pretends to care about your weekend in a naff attempt to “build rapport”. Most are failed salesmen; too slimy for it to work on anyone but us social inepts in tech. They’ll force-feed you half an hour of sales patter before finally admitting who the client is.



He's one of mine

Get as far as parable of shit:head - he'll stab you in the back sooner or later.

[FatLazyContractor]

Get as far as parable of tuliphead - he'll stab you in the back sooner or later.

How did you manage to get around the filter?!

[mudskipper]

How did you manage to get around the filter?!

<taps nose/>

[jamesbrown]

Like the Guinness, he ain't bitter*






















*or wrong

[suityou01]

This is most uplifting

I am now taking charge of the call the moment it comes in.

Suity: "Before you spend to long on this call, can I just point out I am only looking for contract work and I don't offer any references until I am offered".
SH: "That's no problem. Blah blah waffle"

Suity: "Again can I just stop you there, can you please email me the job specification to have a look through. Let me have a read and I will give you a call back".
SH: "The client hasn't actually given us a job spec"

Suity: "OK well I would create one and get it signed off by the client first before going to market. Saves a lot of time in the long run."

In other news :

SH: "Hi Suity, this is SH from Incorporated This Morning Ltd"
Suity: "Never heard of you."

SH: "Oh really, we have lots of big clients."
Suity: "Good to hear. Can you drop me a mail with a link to your web site and attach the job spec? I will take a look and call you back."

Or happening more and more

SH: "Hi Suity, I just found your CV online and wanted to understand more about your situation"
Suity: "Do you have a particular role to discuss?"

SH: "Oh we have lots of roles, and I just wanted to find out more about your background so I can put you forward for the most appropriate one"
Suity: "What I would do is read my CV before calling, then you would know all about me and could approach me for a specific role. I suspect you don't have a role and this is a fishing trip."

[TestMangler]

<taps nose/>

I've had at least five bans for that, young lady. I advise you against this appalling behaviour.

Although, to be fair, mine was always for using the uncensored version of 'c**t'.

[TestMangler]

How did you manage to get around the filter?!

You don't know how to do that, shithead ?

[AtW]

The only good Agent is Orange Agent...