IT industry words or phrases that make your heart sink....

[WTFH]

"can you extract this data for me?"


Sure, but you know it's over 1,000,000 records


"can you extract this data for me and summarise it so it is meaningful?"


Sure, what do you want it to mean.


(after 3 weeks of this, I provided them with a 4,000 record summary. They went away happy)


Yesterday: "can you add some more detail to the data?"


Sure, but it will be meaningless. What is your business requirement for it?


"I need the data to prove my point"


What's your point?


"You wouldn't understand, I just need the extra detail"


4.3million records. That's a no in my book.


Actual requirement: List of the 50 users and how many transactions each one does per month, along with the total value of them.

[MrMarkyMark]

My report is slow.

Can you give me a little hand with the report I'm building?

[Dark Black]

Scrum Master

Planning Poker

[WTFH]

Scrum Master

Just sent a shiver down my spine.


Have you put that in JIRA?

[_V_]

Just sent a shiver down my spine.


Have you put that in JIRA?

It's all documented on Confluence.

[_V_]

"You need to raise an urgent, severity 1, production system change request, you need to do that right now, we're in meltdown here!"

"Where do I do that?"

"In India"

[suityou01]

"Dotted line reporting".
"Matrix management".
GCS.
"Holistic approach".

[PurpleGorilla]

We'd like you to adhere to the core working hours policy

[MrMarkyMark]

Put something together, I'll have a look and then I'll see if thats what I want.

[Eirikur]

BTOpenreach