Inane Discussions with Agents and answers you'd love to give

[anonymouse]

Agent question "Do you have any experience with Sharepoint 2010"
My reply "No, not until next year when Microsoft release it"

[Zero Liability]

The OP hit on the most irritating one. The "who are you?" and "what's this about?"

Well, if I am calling about a contract position...

I do wonder if some of them get paranoid about competitors calling up to inquire re day rates where these aren't disclosed, or perhaps even client names, but I think most of the time it's just thickos who answer the phone, and usually snotty ones, too. I've dealt with some very good, professional agents, but some do give you pause for thought...

[tractor]

....

I almost forgot my best one last year....

Agent: We have an excellent role if you are available at XYZ co. Are you available and would you be interested?

Me: Well, if you check with your colleagues, you will find that I am already contracted there with YOURCO for the next 4 months, would you like to have a word with XYZDUDE and see what he thinks?

[Contractoid]

Well you would know, you only ever post contrived bollocks (or lies if you prefer).

Contractoid covered most of the ones I'd like but I'll throw in one for good measure:-

Pimp -- It's our corporate policy to collect professional references from each of your contract primary contacts for the last 3 years prior to submitting your CV to the client, please provide names, positions, phone, email and client details.

Me -- Well it's my corporate policy to point out that you're on a fishing trip and a blatant liar go Fxxk yourself with a fork, sideways.

Yes one of my favorites too, quite a new addition to the Agency inventory of total codswallop. I do love the responses when you do go the professional route and politely decline but state these things could be made available ONCE A F&^%$*(G OFFER IS ON THE TABLE (phrased slightly differently in reality of course). Oh and of course, if this were a genuine policy, they have also thought through the implications of asking for references from the same people every time you interview with them. Your reference providers won't get in the least bit annoyed will they.

Bunch of plonkers.

[FatLazyContractor]

I almost forgot my best one last year....

Agent: We have an excellent role if you are available at XYZ co. Are you available and would you be interested?

Me: Well, if you check with your colleagues, you will find that I am already contracted there with YOURCO for the next 4 months, would you like to have a word with XYZDUDE and see what he thinks?

Bloody cannibals, the lot ...

[Ramrod]

I had a call on Friday, I'd already had my planned early finish scuppered so wasn't in the mood to play nice...

Pimp - "Hi Ramrod, it's been a while (I don't recall ever speaking to this one before) what are you up to at the minute, are you working?"

Me - "Yep, in a nice little contract until end of March thanks"

Pimp - "Oh good, only I was calling about a really great opportunity for you, tell me... how much are you getting paid in your current role?"


Me (Bristles up) - "How about you tell me all about this fantastic opportunity of yours and how much they're paying, then I'll decide how relevant my current pay is"

Pimp - "Hahaha... (fake laugh) give me a ballpark, what are we talking?"

Me - "Really? I thought we were talking about a new job, I don't see why you need to know what I'm on"


She eventually gave me some detail about the role, which was barely related to anything I do, or anything listed on my CV.

[psychocandy]

Agent: Got cracking perm role close to home.
Me: Perm? Dont really do that. Go on -how much?
Agent: upt o £35K. Its really good for wales.
Me: No thanks - I'll stick to contracting.
Agent: Why? You won't get better than that for perm in wales.
Me: <sigh>

[Eirikur]

pimp: Hi Eirikur I've got your cv in front of me and i think I have a fantastic role for you
Me: ok
pimp: So where was your last role?
Me: you have my cv in front of you