The Scottish jokes thread

[Goatfell]

You can already say that now. Scottish banknotes are not legal tender in England - never have been

Quite true

Scottish Banknotes are legal currency – i.e. they are approved by the UK Parliament. However, Scottish Bank notes are not Legal Tender, not even in Scotland. In fact, no banknote whatsoever (including Bank of England notes!) qualifies for the term 'legal tender' north of the border and the Scottish economy seems to manage without that legal protection.
HM Treasury is responsible for defining which notes have ‘legal tender’ status within the United Kingdom and the following extract from Bank of England’s website may help to clarify what is meant by “legal tender” and how little practical meaning the phrase has in everyday transactions.

“The term legal tender does not in itself govern the acceptability of banknotes in transactions. Whether or not notes have legal tender status, their acceptability as a means of payment is essentially a matter for agreement between the parties involved. Legal tender has a very narrow technical meaning in relation to the settlement of debt. If a debtor pays in legal tender the exact amount he owes under the terms of a contract, he has good defence in law if he is subsequently sued for non-payment of the debt. In ordinary everyday transactions, the term ‘legal tender’ has very little practical application.”
(Ref. Bank of England | Banknotes | Frequently Asked Questions.)

legal tender means you must accept them for payment.

Bollux, it's an agreement between two parties. If a trader doesn't wish to accept a fifty pound in exchange for a box of matches, he's under no obligation to do so. Unless you are happy with:

...if the strict rules governing legal tender were to be observed in a transaction, then the exact amount due would need to be tendered since no change can be demanded.

[tractor]

....

Quite true





Bollux, it's an agreement between two parties. If a trader doesn't wish to accept a fifty pound in exchange for a box of matches, he's under no obligation to do so. Unless you are happy with:

Only a bunch of cntractors could turn a joke thread into a frigging financial argument grrrrrrrrrr

[vetran]

Only a bunch of cntractors could turn a joke thread into a frigging financial argument grrrrrrrrrr

wheres theres brass theres laughs?

[darmstadt]

A Scotsman died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on
earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man, pointing towards one of them, 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved,
indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man, who then pointed to another clock, 'And whose
clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Alex Salmond's clock?' asked the man.

St Peter replied, 'We are using it as a ceiling fan. '

[tractor]

...

MacTavish walked into his local pub where the fire was roaring and it was a busy night. A visitor with a big black labrador was boasting about how well trained his dog is. He boasted that it would only obey him and if anyone could get the dog to do what they asked, the visitor would buy them drinks all night, otherwise each that tried and failed would have to buy the visitor a drink.

Well, everyone in the pub tried and tried and the dog wouldn't get off the rug. The visitor having been bought many drinks was quite happy where all around him were glum because, well Scotsmen don't buy rounds do they?

While there was still a couple of hours of serving time left, MacTavish thought well, I could do with a few free drinks so he went over, picked the dog up, threw it on the fire and said "Get off the fire!"