*** The official 'Advertise your dodgy services here' thread ***

[RichardCranium]

At last, here it is.

The thread where you can post a message saying you are a newby contractor, then a few messages about football or some such to get you past the moderators' 10-post limit, then blather on and on and on about how you happen to recommend (your very own) financial / umbrella / tax avoidance services.

So, if you good people would be so kind as to keep yourselves to this thread it will make everyone's lives that much easier.

Although you stick out like sore thumbs, it will make identifying you that much quicker.

Thank you for you attention.

[Numpty]

But do it properly!

The Roolz.

0) Register an id, typically of the form NameNumber. Probably to match the one Yahoo or Googlemail suggested to you just five minutes ago.

1) Your 1st post must be "Hi! I'm new to contracting, be gentle. Can you recommend a <specific service>?"

2) You must do one post about a football transfer to show how 'matey' you are.

3) Happen to mention you use <MyCo> for your <specific service>.

4) When someone points out (1) and (3) are inconsistent, get very offended about how rude everyone is on here.

5) Go on and on and on about how good <MyCo> are.

6) Continue with (5) way beyond all bounds of reason or plausibility.

7) Never post anything personal, or interesting. Do not participate in the culture in any way. Never mention your circumstances. You might give the game away.

8) Got to (0).

HTH

[Fred Bloggs]

I'm new to contracting and I have found a great scheme based in Nigeria that promises to pay me several million dollars if I simply pay a £50,000 administration fee in cash first. Sounds like a great scheme, I recommend it. What does the panel think?

Oh, nearly forgot to say, it is HMRC approved and is 100% tax free!

[weemster]

I'm new to contracting and I have found a great scheme based in Nigeria that promises to pay me several million dollars if I simply pay a £50,000 administration fee in cash first. Sounds like a great scheme, I recommend it. What does the panel think?

Oh, nearly forgot to say, it is HMRC approved and is 100% tax free!

Please PM me the details

[Fred Bloggs]

Please PM me the details

I can't, you need to ring this number I've got and I'll tell you all about it as long as you promise not to tell anyone else.

[MarillionFan]

Hi

I do A, O and DP for a tenner, plus I bat for both sides.

check me out at www.sasguru.com

Thx

SG

[BrilloPad]

Hi

I do A, O and DP for a tenner, plus I bat for both sides.

check me out at www.sasguru.com

Thx

SG

Is that a picture of sasguru?

[RichardCranium]

Is that a picture of sasguru?

I would.

[foggo]

Crouch

Who'd buy that giant of a man?

Oh, which leads me to