Investment Banking Contracts [Networking]

[BrilloPad]

It's really dull, and the company you are forced to keep will make you question your self worth.

You're talking about me aren't you!

[Evil Hangover]

You're talking about me aren't you!

I meant permies

[RedTag]

Interestingly, our flamer RedTag appears to have ****ed off. Who'dda thunk it?

Apologies, I have a life outside of "The Internets".

Sounds like you've been burnt very badly and tossed out on your bottom. You are incredibly vitriolic about IBers being scum, yet I state market fact (rates, anyone?) and I'm arrogant and a "flamer"? What is this, highschool?

No, let me guess, we're paid premium because we...err, what was that again? Because we work crazy hours? No. So it's because we can all calc a black-scholes in our heads? No. It's because, 90% of the time, we're better at our jobs and know how to handle pressure and work with people to achieve real results (you know, the stuff that makes great contractors). And the remaining 10% don't have excuses made for them, nor are they ignored: they're walked.

We're Alpha. Deal with it.

[RedTag]

subjective.

Detailed answer below:

Bite, much? You arrogant ****.

I'll remember that you're premium, when I'm contemplating the fact that I'm paid a >1 multiple of a quant MD (the highest I'd ever get in an IB due to my inconvenient habit of telling the truth to authority) ... oh, and FYI, I'm ex-DB, UBS, RBS/ABN, Credit Suisse, Bank of China Hong Kong and ING (all as permies, and all but UBS as a consultant).

My belief is that people who provide at a non-IB rates of delivery are weeded out ruthlessly and I've no problem with that.

What I do have a problem with is that people who are basically one bad trade from a cardboard box on the street seem to believe that their genii will continue to propel them forward - and in many IB trading environments spin has developed over the years a far greater significance than substance: now THAT really upsets me.

Indeed, for those of us who are off to Hyderabad next year, it can be somewhat irritating to listen to the constant braying of those who believe their own publicity; what does allow us a little smile is realising that these fools whose choice at the end of their poly education was IB or Foxtons were the first to go in the night(s) of the long knives.

The blood was ankle deep at DB when I was there during this process; it was almost Battle Royale but realising that as a spectator and thus immune from the process added to the enjoyment of the gladiatoral process of watching the sharp-suited, Tom Wolfe-creations made real, deciding how to go and then watching them leave 30 minutes later.

yawn

[TykeMerc]

No, let me guess, we're paid premium because we...err, what was that again? Because we work crazy hours? No. So it's because we can all calc a black-scholes in our heads? No. It's because, 90% of the time, we're better at our jobs and know how to handle pressure and work with people to achieve real results (you know, the stuff that makes great contractors). And the remaining 10% don't have excuses made for them, nor are they ignored: they're walked.

We're Alpha. Deal with it.

That's the most impressive case of arrogant bollocks I've seen in years.

Like others I've worked perfectly successfully in IB's in the past, in fact I can claim to know Reuters and Bloomberg systems very well, but I wildly disagree that IT people in IB's are better than elsewhere.

RedTag you're talking utter cobblers and obviously trolling so I should stop feeding you so that you get bored and head back under your bridge.

[Menelaus]

Apologies, I have a life outside of "The Internets".

Sounds like you've been burnt very badly and tossed out on your bottom. You are incredibly vitriolic about IBers being scum, yet I state market fact (rates, anyone?) and I'm arrogant and a "flamer"? What is this, highschool?

No, let me guess, we're paid premium because we...err, what was that again? Because we work crazy hours? No. So it's because we can all calc a black-scholes in our heads? No. It's because, 90% of the time, we're better at our jobs and know how to handle pressure and work with people to achieve real results (you know, the stuff that makes great contractors). And the remaining 10% don't have excuses made for them, nor are they ignored: they're walked.

We're Omega. Deal with it.

Fixed that for you.

You're correct to state the difference in rates, and you're equally correct to identify that it's a relatively high-pressure environment but, prior to being a quant, I was an officer in the British Army.

When you've dealt with that sort of pressure, come back and talk to me then. In the meantime - jog on.

Your (presumably?) still being an IB-led person indicates that you've probably not made enough money to do what you want to do yet. I have, which is why I don't work there any more unless I want to, and I can concentrate my Marvin-esque capabilities to far more karmically healthy pursuits, patenting anything that moves and donating models to causes which I find to be of value to me.

As for my being tossed - do I look like you?

I have the pleasure to remain, sir, the alpha to your omega.

[RichardCranium]

I did one stint for an investment bank. It was best part of a year of seeing incompetent over-assured tossers shouting at underlings, abuse and stupidity.

Common sense was non-existent.

Posturing and "I'm more of a bully than you" were all that seemed important.

Technical problems I could fix in minutes sat unfixed for days because an incompetent ****** would insist it was his area and only he could work on it. Said ****** would then crow on about how "it was such a huge problem it took me 2 days to fix" and get praise for it.

As for the behaviour of the ****** that do the gambling ('speculating' my arse), I am not surprised there is a never-ending stream of abuse court cases. I do wonder how many of them get quietly murdered or beaten up by their service-department colleagues. If I saw one of them on fire I'd piss on him just enough to keep the fire going as long as possible but not long enough to put it out. I can safely say 'him' without being sexist. The occasional 'woman' was a MAWBAM anyway.

The reason you need IB experience is because of the number of people, like me, who cannot cope with the environment. In the end I was off sick more than present. The technical stuff was straightforward. The maths wasn't hard either (the red-brick, classics-degree tossers thought it was but it definitely wasn't) but the abuse, posturing, violence (shoving and hitting was common-place) was like nothing I had ever experienced. Having a 6' 4" thicko Floor Manager yelling in your left ear "Answer that fookin 'phone you English c**t" like a Sergeant Major while you are already on a call using your right ear was his idea of 'customer service'. He was my boss's boss. My boss's post was vacant almost all the time I was there.

I stuck my Operations Manager role for over nine months. Apparently that was a record.

I have also worked with the British Army albeit as a civvy; the Army was far preferable.

In my experience, IB work is easy enough. There's no rocket science. But there is a culture of accepted bullying and favouritism. If you don't enjoy that, or can't find a way to cope with it, you will not be able to work in that environment. I would not go back to it for £2k a day.

[PM-Junkie]

I am sure most of us who have worked in investment banks are chuckling at this idiot. A perfect example of the arrogant, head-up-their-backside know-all that think they are god's gift when nothing could be further from the truth.

Small wonder the banking system went belly up, especially when you discover that idiots like this are the norm in banks.

Those who have not spent time in an investment bank may think this character is a troll. Sadly, he probably isn't - this is an example of what passes for a techie in that environment. Try delivering on or in a project when you have this sort of specimen to deal with.

[MrToast]

Apologies, I have a life outside of "The Internets".

Err. Apparently not.

What is this, highschool? "

Err. No. Wrong country.

No, let me guess, we're paid premium because we...err, what was that again? Because we work crazy hours? "

Err. Yes. Well longer than most.

We're Alpha. Deal with it.

You are a cock. Get over it.

[BrilloPad]

It's because, 90% of the time, we're better at our jobs and know how to handle pressure and work with people to achieve real results (you know, the stuff that makes great contractors). And the remaining 10% don't have excuses made for them, nor are they ignored: they're walked.

We're Alpha. Deal with it.

Best laugh I have had in ages! After 22.5 years in IBs including a few bulge bracket (including Goldman Sachs) I can say you are talking absolute bollux.

Except perhaps in the case of Goldman Sachs. Though they had a few numpties there too.