Child Support / Maintenance

[Ignis Fatuus]

Also a shame that there are so many assholes out there who WANT to avoid paying for their child/children.

What kind of person does that?

I've often wondered that. I've also often wondered why there are so many women who have children by men like that?

(This isn't a tit-for-tat putdown, it really puzzles me).

[amcdonald]

I've often wondered that. I've also often wondered why there are so many women who have children by men like that?

(This isn't a tit-for-tat putdown, it really puzzles me).

Because it's a lot easier to get a house by getting pregnant than working yourself, so either they sponge off the social or they marry/divorce and get a house

To some women men are merely walking cash machines

[SueEllen]

I've often wondered that. I've also often wondered why there are so many women who have children by men like that?

While it's sometimes deliberate that absent parents don't pay for their children the aim isn't to hurt the child.

From the people I know involved in divorced cases either as children or adults who are divorced with children. It's generally one parent wanting to get revenge on the other parent, and one way of doing that is controlling the money.

Other cases are just that the non-custodial parent doesn't think they need to pay for that child either because they are a selfish person or they just don't think. Having grown up with children of 2 families who both lived with their dad there are mums who fall into this as well.

[Mojito]

Rock & a hardplace

I don't mind paying an average 400/month but if i do I will be stuffed later. I even asked the CSA that in those circumstances will they take into account that I was voluntarily paying 400/month for the last 2 years when by their calculations say I should have only been paying £36/month and they said no.

You also cannot have a private agreement which removes the possibility of my ex going to the CSA in the future because you cant have a private agreement that countermands a law.

I feel for you Tony - you want to do the right thing by your kids and are happy to pay over the odds in the short term to help maintain a reasonable living for them. However, if you genuinely cannot trust your ex to stick to a sensible agreement that takes into account the down- as well as the up-side of contracting then you are damned which ever way you move.

Dropping down to the CSA figure now will upset your son (if your ex is like mine, she'll stop treats and things to make sure he suffers and also will continually blame you for it). So thats a rubbish option from a parent / non-resident father perspective. But as you say you'll get no credit for paying over the odds when the CSA (or CMEC) assess you when you are on the up-side, so not appealing from a personal risk / reward perspective.

IMHO the "least bad" option would be to go with the CSA figures as they are the ones your missus wants to play with when they're in her favour, why not do the same when they are in your favour? It might be a reality check for her and help her take a more realistic & balanced view of your income and agree an appropriate figure, with a realisation that there really is a down-side. Remember if you are benched and sign-up for JSA, your CM drops to a stoopid low figure (£5 a month I think). It would be nice to think that this would work in your situation - I know that it would not (will not) work in mine as my ex has a massive sense of entitlement to everything the world has to offer.

The other option I would say is to look at ways to reduce your £90k by not taking so much out of the company (assuming you are LTD?). As you say the CSA are happy for you to overpay, so if an assessment when you are on the upside comes is at below the £400, there's nothing stopping you doing what you are now and overpaying.

Good luck, its not a nice situation to be in thatsb for sure. One thing that I have learned through bitter experience with my ex over the past two years is that you'll get no thanks for doing MORE than is required, but lambasted for doing LESS.

I think there was an ex-FNF guy who was a forum member with a short fuse so he got banned. It would be an idea to try to track him down as he said he had a lot experience in dealing with the CSA....

[Mojito]

BrilloPad...!!

Does anyone have contact details for him? I think TonyCooper & I could do with his insight .... PM?

[RichardCranium]

Does anyone have contact details for BrilloPad? I think TonyCooper & I could do with his insight .... PM?

I don't know if you got a response but plenty do have his details or the means to contact him. It seems it is unlikely he will post on CUK again.

If, however, you want support or advice, I think he would probably recommend you join the Fathers4Justice facebook page: Fathers 4 Justice - The Official Campaign Organisation | Facebook

[Mojito]

FNF, the new F4J

I don't know if you got a response but plenty do have his details or the means to contact him. It seems it is unlikely he will post on CUK again.

If, however, you want support or advice, I think he would probably recommend you join the Fathers4Justice facebook page: Fathers 4 Justice - The Official Campaign Organisation | Facebook

Richard - yup I'm a paid-up member of Families need Fathers, the more user-friendly version of F4J which has been good for support over the past year in particular. To be honest though, much of the content on there is opinion and horror stories of contact problems, with some inspiring tales of endurance against a wholly biased system (I'll not get my soapbox out). I'd still appreciate Brillo's email address if anyone can PM it to me, even if just to get a sounding board in respect of the scary-looking CMEC proposals being bull-dozered through.

Muchas gracias