Child Support / Maintenance

[ASB]

What kind of person indeed! Loads of them it seems...

Sadly it does seem there are quite a lot. Everybodys individual case is of course different, however I do think a lot of absent parents feel they get a rough deal. The completely formulaic nature of the CSA probably doesn't help. It is a fairly blunt stick.

I think a lot of people feel that their CM is being used to support the ex partner and resent this. Certainly my CM is considerably more than the direct costs of my children (and their mother should also contribute financially).

However that is not really the reality. My children need an environment in which they can hopefully be happy and grow. My CM helps to provide this whole environment.

[h8mmer]

Also a shame that there are so many assholes out there who WANT to avoid paying for their child/children.

What kind of person does that?

Look at it this way, as far as I can tell, 90%+ of parents are decent/honest about maintenance and the NRP (in most cases the father) pays what has been agreed and is happy to do so, also the PWC (normally the mother) is happy that as log as things are fair they don't cause unecessary hardships in the continued relationship as parents of their children (who are paramount).

In my case I pay over what the CSA said I should because I know I can a/afford it and b/I want the children to be properly clothed and fed (and otherwise the X spends it all on her luxuries).

However, despite this my X wont come out of the CSA and go into a private agreement (although I've paid her since day 1) as she wants to retain control over me in whatever way she can (her words) and is continually trying to take away access to our kids in order to up her maintenance. Kids make great weapons against parents who give a damn....

NOW in my case; am I really an Ahole for making it harder for her to get more money out of me by giving me less time with my kids?

Anyway, my long rambling point is that using blanket insults when you don't know peoples circumstances is pretty stupid imo.

[cailin maith]

Look at it this way, as far as I can tell, 90%+ of parents are decent/honest about maintenance and the NRP (in most cases the father) pays what has been agreed and is happy to do so, also the PWC (normally the mother) is happy that as log as things are fair they don't cause unecessary hardships in the continued relationship as parents of their children (who are paramount).

In my case I pay over what the CSA said I should because I know I can a/afford it and b/I want the children to be properly clothed and fed (and otherwise the X spends it all on her luxuries).

However, despite this my X wont come out of the CSA and go into a private agreement (although I've paid her since day 1) as she wants to retain control over me in whatever way she can (her words) and is continually trying to take away access to our kids in order to up her maintenance. Kids make great weapons against parents who give a damn....

NOW in my case; am I really an Ahole for making it harder for her to get more money out of me by giving me less time with my kids?

Anyway, my long rambling point is that using blanket insults when you don't know peoples circumstances is pretty stupid imo.

I have a close friend who was in a "private arrangement" with the father of her child until he decided that, actually he didn't want to pay anymore. So she had no choice but to go back to the CSA. For 18 months he fannied about and paid the princely sum of £10 to her for their son... thats all the CSA got out of him, bear in mind he owes thousands in arrears! And when the CSA did eventually pin him down add an AOE order - he promptly quit his job.

BTW it wasn't a blanket insult, I do not believe that hiding your income is appropriate. It is your child that suffers in the end.

[MaryPoppins]

Anyway, my long rambling point is that using blanket insults when you don't know peoples circumstances is pretty stupid imo.

We all have our sob stories h8mmer - me included.

I was referring to my ex evading the CSA, not you.

[SallyPlanIT]

t is unclear (to me at least) whether salary sacrifice for pension or direct pension contributions will be excluded (as they currently are).

A friend of mine was recently assessed by the CSA. They added back the salary sacrifice and pension contributions before making the calculation as they explained they were made out of choice, not necessity. I rather suspect the rules are applied according to the competency of the adviser.

[MaryPoppins]

I rather suspect the rules are applied according to the competency of the adviser.

Spot on.

[MarillionFan]

Whats a reasonable amount then? I give the missus £1000 per month at the moment. I also pay for all the bills, childcare, insurance, mortgage etc.

She just has to get the kids clothes, days out etc and obviously a little for herself.

We haven't split up but I'm wondering if it would be cheaper to do so and then only see the kids when they're being good?

[SallyPlanIT]

Whats a reasonable amount then? I give the missus £1000 per month at the moment. I also pay for all the bills, childcare, insurance, mortgage etc.

She just has to get the kids clothes, days out etc and obviously a little for herself.

We haven't split up but I'm wondering if it would be cheaper to do so and then only see the kids when they're being good?

Good heavens, that's steep...must talk to my ex

There is being fair and there's being fleeced...

[MaryPoppins]

Good heavens, that's steep...must talk to my ex

There is being fair and there's being fleeced...

MF is not the ex (yet).

[h8mmer]

I have a close friend who was in a "private arrangement" with the father of her child until he decided that, actually he didn't want to pay anymore. So she had no choice but to go back to the CSA. For 18 months he fannied about and paid the princely sum of £10 to her for their son... thats all the CSA got out of him, bear in mind he owes thousands in arrears! And when the CSA did eventually pin him down add an AOE order - he promptly quit his job.

BTW it wasn't a blanket insult, I do not believe that hiding your income is appropriate. It is your child that suffers in the end.

Like I said, there is a % of uncaring b#stards/b#tches out there of which your friends X seems to be one.

However, I've learnt that getting the story off a friend should always be taken with less than a 100% blind trust.....people going through nasty splits tend to bend the truth in their favour.
During splittling with my X I had friends ignore me in the street, after getting the reasons why out of them it turned out my X had been telling some extreme porkies...and people love to believe gossip.

As for hiding income in my case cailin, if you want to volunteer to talk to my X into letting me have my agreed access then I'd be grateful...at the same time I'll lower my CM to what I HAVE to pay.