Can't RTFM. Won't RTFM.

[swamp]

Hi,

I'm just about to start contracting and I can't move my mouse to the right hand edge of the screen to click on the 'First Timers' link. Nor can I use the search feature because I'm retarded.

So can someone tell me the following, preferably in short sentences without using long words?

* Can I start a Limited Company without any IR35?

* How do I buy Security Clearance?

* Where can I find a really good accountant who doesn't advertise, costs nothing and will mow my lawn?

TIA

Numpty

[blacjac]

You may also want to ask "How do I get my wages?" and "What is VAT?"

[pmeswani]

You may also want to ask "How do I get my wages?" and "What is VAT?"

Wages? You mean I can pay myself? I thought I was in this to give the Govt. some free money!!!

[TykeMerc]

We do seem to have had a rash of people claiming to be new contractors this week, I believe one or two of them, the others appear to be someones idea of an "amusing" sockpuppet. I never will understand sockpuppetry.

I'm more than happy to help contractors get started with any advice that occurs to me, but when they don't bother to do even the basic research I can't be bothered.

[BrilloPad]

Hi,

I'm just about to start contracting and I can't move my mouse to the right hand edge of the screen to click on the 'First Timers' link. Nor can I use the search feature because I'm retarded.

So can someone tell me the following, preferably in short sentences without using long words?

* Can I start a Limited Company without any IR35?

* How do I buy Security Clearance?

* Where can I find a really good accountant who doesn't advertise, costs nothing and will mow my lawn?

TIA

Numpty

Are you Mal's sockpuppet?

[DiscoStu]

Wages? You mean I can pay myself? I thought I was in this to give the Govt. some free money!!!

Of course you can pay yourself. Just take whatever you want out of your company bank account

[RichardCranium]

Q. What is the best overseas country to set up my LtdCo so I pay no tax like you guys lol.

Q. I've never worked in IT and I want to be a project manager. What is the best way to start - is it at the bottom by being a programmer or can I just go straight in as an analyst in a call centre?

Q. I called an agent and he said he wants references before he can give me a job. I gave him the name and number of all my previous managers. That was yesterday. How long does it take for them to check references? Will I be able to start on Tuesday?

Q. I haven't got any savings so I need to get paid quick. Does the client pay or the agency, I'm confused. Do they normally pay on Fridays?

Q. My friend says he makes lots of money as a contractor but you should pack in your permanent job first. So I did that and finished yesterday. Does it take you guys long to get a contract. I've kept next week free in case I have to have an interview.

Q. My friend says he can claim everything on expenses like meals and car and mobile phone and even his dining table lol. How do you get the client to pay for them?

Q. I am a fukcwit. Can you tell?

PS How much money are you on? What is a 'normal' wage as a contractor?

[DiscoStu]

Q. What is the best overseas country to set up my LtdCo so I pay no tax like you guys lol.
Probably best to do it in the Bahamas, then you can put a two week holiday there on expenses.

Q. I've never worked in IT and I want to be a project manager. What is the best way to start - is it at the bottom by being a programmer or can I just go straight in as an analyst in a call centre?
All you need is a Dummy's Guide to Project Management. Have a quick flick through the day before you start and you'll be more than qualified.

Q. I called an agent and he said he wants references before he can give me a job. I gave him the name and number of all my previous managers. That was yesterday. How long does it take for them to check references? Will I be able to start on Tuesday?
You should always try and give agents at least two references from each job to maximise your chances of success. Next time give them each previous manager's name PLUS their manager's name. Doing this will make them much more likely to find you a role.

Q. I haven't got any savings so I need to get paid quick. Does the client pay or the agency, I'm confused. Do they normally pay on Fridays?
It's much simpler than all that, you just pick up the envelope of used notes on your way out every day.

Q. My friend says he makes lots of money as a contractor but you should pack in your permanent job first. So I did that and finished yesterday. Does it take you guys long to get a contract. I've kept next week free in case I have to have an interview.
You'll be fine, no need for interviews, most times they just look at your CV and want you to start straight away.

Q. My friend says he can claim everything on expenses like meals and car and mobile phone and even his dining table lol. How do you get the client to pay for them?
It isn't a dining table, it's an ergonomic desk. Clients are happy to pay for things like this to keep their contractors happy.

Q. I am a fukcwit. Can you tell?
Really?

PS How much money are you on? What is a 'normal' wage as a contractor?
Couple of grand a day. That's about normal.

HTH

[pmeswani]

Of course you can pay yourself. Just take whatever you want out of your company bank account

WHAT?? Company Bank Accounts? Everything is going into my personal account... all the agencies assured me this is ok!!!

[Fred Bloggs]