Put Downs

[EternalOptimist]

We all think of the perfect put down when its too late, but have you ever come out with a true cracker ? or had one done to you ?

my best one ever was about ten years ago, at lunch I was struggling with a massive salad baguette, bits of lettuce and cress flying everywhere.
The office gobsh1te shouts over
'Hey scouser, you need a bigger mouth'
me - 'Can I borrow yours'

[daviejones]

http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/insult.html

[oracleslave]

http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/insult.html

Very good. I like " Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice"

[Bear]

That's a good one

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

[cailin maith]

I'm far to slow for that malarkey - think of great things to say but usually hours later!!

[Bagpuss]

Old but good..

I'd like to say I've enjoyed working here, but I can't

[dang65]

I'm always too slow too. L'esprit d'escalier is what the French call it. The spirit that comes up with a killer reply when you're on the stairs on the way out.

Best one I came up with too late was when I was cycling along and a guy slowed his car next to me and shouted out, "Oi! Get of the f**king road! You don't even pay road tax!" His girlfriend was in the passenger seat and I really wish I'd said, "I don't pay for sex either mate. Looks like you're a double loser."

I've been waiting for about three years so far for the same opportunity.

[Chantho]

Old but good..

I'd like to say I've enjoyed working here, but I can't

Chan

In a similar vein is one I used once when a contract ended, it was originally used by Groucho Marx

"I've had a great time, this wasn't it"

I was in a meeting once when a manager from a user department complained that one of our IT team members had called one of his staff a "jumped-up little clerk".
I was about to reply with the Pythonesque "Some of my best friends are jumped-up little clerks, and they would be offended by being compared to that dork" but of course I didn't

[Damp Cave]

At a comedy club

Sat at table at front, fedora on table. Comedian dons hat and says 'See what a knut you look in this', retort 'I do now'.

[Charles Foster Kane]

We all think of the perfect put down when its too late, but have you ever come out with a true cracker ? or had one done to you ?

my best one ever was about ten years ago, at lunch I was struggling with a massive salad baguette, bits of lettuce and cress flying everywhere.
The office gobtulipe shouts over
'Hey scouser, you need a bigger mouth'
me - 'Can I borrow yours'

You been watching Seinfeld again?

'Hey George, the ocean called; they're running out of shrimp.'