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Survival Training
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Metropolitan Police decide to go on
a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top.
After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective
is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their supper, returning
with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.
First up - the SAS. They don infra-red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl
into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the
unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap".
They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!"
remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Para's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with
camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at
the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of
rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling
war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling
Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by
the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta
One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc.
After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer,
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours
ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and
turns to day.
The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the
police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye
nearly shut. "Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate
trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"Alright, alright, I'm a ******' rabbit!"
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