WIMPEY HOLMES
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The Sherlock Holmes novels of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
are an important part of our literature. For many
readers they evoke the very essence of late 19th
century Englishness. But a recently discovered
fragment, if authentic, reveals that the book could
have been vastly different and that Holmes could have
been a stand up comedy act. The fragment is reputed
to come from the uncompleted first novel in the
series 'Wimpey Holmes', a book that developed the
effeminate side of the great detective.
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Brooding silently Holmes lit his pipe. He drew deeply on the smoke. 'Eeh
Ducky', he sighed, 'This Afghany blow fair does me brains in'.
'Confound it Holmes', growled Watson, 'Will you help with this crossword'
'Well shut that door first', Holmes replied, 'Or I'll catch me death in
this draft'.
'Thirteen down', continued Watson as he closed the door, 'From which
comes the lemon?'
'A lemon tree my dear Watson.'
'Holmes, you're a genius', said Watson, 'Can you help with two across,
it says canal from aesophagus to stomach?'
'Alimentary my dear Watson.'
'By jove Holmes, you've cracked that one too.' Watson was clearly
impressed. 'One more,' he ventured. 'The ex-wife receives, seven letters'
'Alimony my dear Watson.'
'Holmes I could kiss you', exclaimed a delighted Watson.
'Oh, all right then, but not rough mind', said Holmes pursing his lips,
'I only had these split ends done this morning.'
