Reply to: Wife coming up to 40 years old.

[Old Hack]

I think Lapland and the northern lights would be the go now.

I took the eldest a couple of years back and she thought it magical, and the wife, I know, would dearly love to see the Northern Aurora, so this is a go. I think it's a great compromise.

My parents are in their late 80's and my wifes' parents are in their late 60's. The MiL isn't keen on looking after them for long periods of time, due to an illness she has. Shame, but that's it; we can only really rely on them for one or two nights maximum.

Thanks for the ideas, of which I shall try and pinch a little of each. Cheers.

[TheFaQQer]

Yes, the weekend in Milan, Madrid would be nice, but I genuinely don't think she'd like being away from the kids for 4 days.
...
Should I simply organise a big ass 3 weeks away (its over xmas) with all of us, and kow tow to her just wanting to be together all the time or force the issue?

If she doesn't want to be away from the kids, then either more regular time together as a family, or a big block of time all together. Go somewhere that has lots of facilities, so you can treat her to massages () or something that she will be able to enjoy, but still have lots of family opportunities.

My wife would jump at the chance to be away from the children - we went to NYC for her 30th for a long weekend and my parents came here to look after them. But we have no qualms about leaving them with family - last year we had 10 days in New England just the two of us, while the children spent time with their grandparents.

[TheFaQQer]

Never had so much nookie!!

If only she could say the same

[KaiserWilly]

Get her a HKG36C assault rifle. German quality.

[EstherA4C]

She's not a fashionista, not really avaricious in anyway, and puts the kids, and everyone before her. But I am struggling thinking of things she'd love to do, just for herself.

Should I simply organise a big ass 3 weeks away (its over xmas) with all of us, and kow tow to her just wanting to be together all the time or force the issue?

I totally understand her not wanting to be away from the children. I have three girls and when it's my birthday there's nobody I'd rather celebrate with than them (and hubby of course ). They all mean far more than any material gift.

You say it's over Christmas so how about a magical trip to Lapland? Or a cruise to see the Northern Lights?

Or how about a pamper day in town, you and her (or her and sister / friend), then meet with the children for a photo shoot and off for dinner somewhere fun? She then has a special day and something lovely to remember it by...

Good luck!

[Lockhouse]

When my missus was 50, I organised a weekend in a decent small hotel in Dorset for her and various friends and family (around 30) of us. We took the whole place over. Initially I'd looked for a house for a country weekend away type of thing, but couldn't find anything suitable (I looked for ages).

On the Friday night we went for dinner to the bistro owned by the hotel so everyone could get together and those people who hadn't met made friends. On the Saturday we split into two groups - those of use who wanted to go for a walk in the countryside did just that, and the others stayed locally and did some shopping or got pampered - I'd arranged a 10% discount with a local beauty salon beforehand.

On the Saturday night we had a black tie do at the hotel. I had loads of old photos of my missus growing up and photos of her with the people who were there projected on a big screen when everyone arrived for the champagne reception and had made a soundtrack of her favourite records playing in the background during dinner. After dinner my wife got up to say a few words. Unbeknownst to her, I had arranged to go round the table for everyone to stand up and say a few words about what she meant to them. Not a dry eye in the house.

All for half the cost of a Hermes handbag, an unrepeatable weekend and worth it a hundred times over (I picked up the tab).

[mudskipper]

Had exactly the same issue with my lady for her 40th. Got everything she wants, gets her own cloths, not gadgety etc and was sweating it myself.

She values friends and family above material goods so instead I put a load of time and effort in ringing round friends (old and new) and family and get everyone to arrange some kind of get together once a month for the entire year. Anything as simple as a ladies house party evening arranged by one of her friends, wine/massage etc, meal at her fave restaurant with close family, barbecue at her brothers with all the children of the family around, weekend in Amsterdam with her buddies, trip to Ireland for the weekend to see cousins out there. None of them cost anything much but to see everyone throughout the whole year where she was center of attention at each do meant more than any physical present could. I made handled all the arrangements. All she did was be ready and I made sure she got there.

Each event was written in to the card from whoever was arranging it so she had 12+ events to look forward to. We are 9 months or so in to it and she still looks forward to the next event.

I know I keep banging on about this one but I scored big time with this one. Tells me it was best birthday surprise after every do so a year to remember. Never had so much nookie!!

Perfect. Women aren't as complicated as men seem to think they are. If you make a genuine effort to make her happy, spend quality time with her and show her you love her and care, she'll be far happier than if you shower her with expensive gifts (that's an optional extra!). If she feels loved and appreciated, she feels sexy.

Hubby of the year award goes to NLUK

[Old Hack]

Have you asked her what she wants?

A nice bit of jewellery maybe?

You're probably not going to believe this, but she owns 3 items of jewelry; wedding and engagement ring and a diamond necklaces I bought her for our wedding, which she wares sparingly. She simply doesn't like jewelry.

She really is, even on normal birthdays, the hardest person to buy things for.

[mudskipper]

My main issue, is that she hates surprises, I mean loathes them. I am liking the idea about a couple of nights in London, then a helicopter ride. Not too long away, and still quite special, and the god parents can have them for the weekend.

MF, sorry, we're talking about my wife, not yours. Hope you're ok with that mate, I 've heard it can be a tough time, so, well, good luck; think of the kids.

Have you asked her what she wants?

A nice bit of jewellery maybe?

[Old Hack]

My main issue, is that she hates surprises, I mean loathes them. I am liking the idea about a couple of nights in London, then a helicopter ride. Not too long away, and still quite special, and the god parents can have them for the weekend.

MF, sorry, we're talking about my wife, not yours. Hope you're ok with that mate, I 've heard it can be a tough time, so, well, good luck; think of the kids.

[Alias]

Never had so much nookie!!

not surprising if you've managed to keep her out of the house at least once a month

[mudskipper]

Does she have any hobbies?

[KentPhilip]

Take her dogging!

[northernladuk]

She's not a fashionista, not really avaricious in anyway, and puts the kids, and everyone before her. But I am struggling thinking of things she'd love to do, just for herself.

Had exactly the same issue with my lady for her 40th. Got everything she wants, gets her own cloths, not gadgety etc and was sweating it myself.

She values friends and family above material goods so instead I put a load of time and effort in ringing round friends (old and new) and family and get everyone to arrange some kind of get together once a month for the entire year. Anything as simple as a ladies house party evening arranged by one of her friends, wine/massage etc, meal at her fave restaurant with close family, barbecue at her brothers with all the children of the family around, weekend in Amsterdam with her buddies, trip to Ireland for the weekend to see cousins out there. None of them cost anything much but to see everyone throughout the whole year where she was center of attention at each do meant more than any physical present could. I made handled all the arrangements. All she did was be ready and I made sure she got there.

Each event was written in to the card from whoever was arranging it so she had 12+ events to look forward to. We are 9 months or so in to it and she still looks forward to the next event.

I know I keep banging on about this one but I scored big time with this one. Tells me it was best birthday surprise after every do so a year to remember. Never had so much nookie!!

[suityou01]

Shurleyshomemishtake

You mean how to I trade her in for a younger model.