Risk analysis

[SimonMac]

But can they do the upgrade on a Friday?

[Mich the Tester]

This bit is positively dripping with sarcasm I want to employ whoever wrote that!

whs

[original PM]

Received this from one of my more eccentric colleagues. Redacted to protect the guilty:

Risk Assessment:

Blah snip

The resulting loss of these key managers could have a severe negative impact on the earnings of the <the company> as well as poor product performance, which could lead to regulatory inspections, warnings, large fines and plant shutdowns. The above would cause a severe financial strain on <the company> resulting in bankruptcy and company failure.

The failure snip.

This bit is positively dripping with sarcasm I want to employ whoever wrote that!

[Mich the Tester]

Received this from one of my more eccentric colleagues. Redacted to protect the guilty:

Risk Assessment:

The upgrade will have no impact on user training. The reports are used as a measure of management performance and have no relevancy to product quality or operational procedures. However, the reports do impact the compensation of certain key management personnel. Incorrect reporting could result in the loss of the performance based compensation for these managers. This could result in these key managers seeking employment outside the company.

The resulting loss of these key managers could have a severe negative impact on the earnings of the <the company> as well as poor product performance, which could lead to regulatory inspections, warnings, large fines and plant shutdowns. The above would cause a severe financial strain on <the company> resulting in bankruptcy and company failure.

The failure of <the company> could cause a loss of investor and public confidence in the global healthcare industry which could lead to its entire worldwide collapse. Such a failure would result in the rapid decline in health of the global human population. The resulting decline would lead to waves of global pandemics, which would wipe out the human race.

With the loss of its major biological competitor, the African Killer Bee would become the dominant life form on earth. Over time, the killer bee would experience a significant increase in intelligence. Unfortunately, the bee would not develop the necessary manual dexterity to appreciably impact its environment. This would prevent the bee from developing the means to protect the earth from being struck by a large comet or asteroid.

The resulting strike by a large enough comet or asteroid could result in the destruction of the earth scattering debris throughout the Solar system. A sufficiently large piece of the earth could strike Jupiter resulting in knocking Jupiter into a collision course with the Sun. The resulting stellar explosion could result in the warping of the space-time continuum leading to the collapse and destruction of the universe.

I would.

[MarillionFan]

So do you want me to pass it or not then?

[NotAllThere]

Received this from one of my more eccentric colleagues. Redacted to protect the guilty:

Risk Assessment:

The upgrade will have no impact on user training. The reports are used as a measure of management performance and have no relevancy to product quality or operational procedures. However, the reports do impact the compensation of certain key management personnel. Incorrect reporting could result in the loss of the performance based compensation for these managers. This could result in these key managers seeking employment outside the company.

The resulting loss of these key managers could have a severe negative impact on the earnings of the <the company> as well as poor product performance, which could lead to regulatory inspections, warnings, large fines and plant shutdowns. The above would cause a severe financial strain on <the company> resulting in bankruptcy and company failure.

The failure of <the company> could cause a loss of investor and public confidence in the global healthcare industry which could lead to its entire worldwide collapse. Such a failure would result in the rapid decline in health of the global human population. The resulting decline would lead to waves of global pandemics, which would wipe out the human race.

With the loss of its major biological competitor, the African Killer Bee would become the dominant life form on earth. Over time, the killer bee would experience a significant increase in intelligence. Unfortunately, the bee would not develop the necessary manual dexterity to appreciably impact its environment. This would prevent the bee from developing the means to protect the earth from being struck by a large comet or asteroid.

The resulting strike by a large enough comet or asteroid could result in the destruction of the earth scattering debris throughout the Solar system. A sufficiently large piece of the earth could strike Jupiter resulting in knocking Jupiter into a collision course with the Sun. The resulting stellar explosion could result in the warping of the space-time continuum leading to the collapse and destruction of the universe.