Reply to: A dodgy case of Tourettes

[Bacchus]

I wanted to watch the Bbc 2 program on Economics but the other half has insisted we watch the second episode on Tourette's.

******* *****.

Tourette's is on the face of it quite funny, but actually it is a dehabilitating condition that should be given due consideration

I never knew, but there is a rare form of Tourette's that affects mute children. Someone recently sent me a charity request for a charity that was raising money to help them, and attached a photo of the good work that they are doing in schools with the art materials that they can now buy :-

[MarillionFan]

I wanted to watch the Bbc 2 program on Economics but the other half has insisted we watch the second episode on Tourette's.

******* *****.

[mudskipper]

***WARNING**** Contains language some sensitive souls might find offensive.

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

'Fcking get in there you *****!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the fcking manager of this pigs sh*t middle class wnkhole please you *****', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says

'Yes you can you fat piece of sh*t, I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I'm here to audition.....wnker.'

The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song, you big nosed twat, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nts blind...'

'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".

'wnker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*tbox you get crap on your bell end.'

'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".

'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'

'fck it' says the pianist 'Why not'.

On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'

'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, 'I fcking wrote it!!!'

[Old Hack]

I'm following you but you keep replying to my posts too. So if anything we're following each other.

Or on the other hand we're on some sort of discussion forum.

I find your constant use of homophobic insults rather inappropriate. Neither of us is gay (unless you're trying to convince yourself about that, it's a bit of a cliche though) but I'm sure some on the board are.

OK, denial is a strange thing, but I am cool with that.

[d000hg]

I'm following you but you keep replying to my posts too. So if anything we're following each other.

Or on the other hand we're on some sort of discussion forum.

I find your constant use of homophobic insults rather inappropriate. Neither of us is gay (unless you're trying to convince yourself about that, it's a bit of a cliche though) but I'm sure some on the board are.

[Old Hack]

And you'd love to be just a couple of steps behind the one doing the chasing, so you could make sure you could feel part of the gang without having to be in danger.

No, not a bit d000gh, you see, as mentioned before, I wouldn't cross the road to piss down Shaunboys throat if his kidney was on fire.

But still following me about.

You need to know, I am happily married, and wouldn't turn ass for you, not a chance, just not my thing. But you and Shaunyboy carry on.

[d000hg]

And you'd love to be just a couple of steps behind the one doing the chasing, so you could make sure you could feel part of the gang without having to be in danger.

[Old Hack]

Must have come in really handy then!!


You should have hung on to it as you are clearly mentally impaired as well.
Not only thick...........but also a weedy pigeon. What happened, did you trip whilst running from a confrontation?

Oh dear, again showing your ignorance in the matter. You have to be taken to and from hospital, and elsewhere, and this means someone has to drive you, and thus have the card in the car. Bed ridden doesn't mean nailed to the bed, and having the injury did mean I did have to leave home once a week to see physios etc.

But again, this from someone so fat, they can't walk 30 yards. Very good.



What next, using the disabled toilets as you can't get that fat ass into a normal stall?

Hopping on those electric scotters at Tesco's as you're out of breath at the 'pint of heavy' section

I'd love to see how far you could run if chased


Fat

[shaunbhoy]

Oh dear, you don't think it was issued as I was disabled for a year before I was able to rehabilitate? Or the fact I was bed ridden?

Must have come in really handy then!!


You should have hung on to it as you are clearly mentally impaired as well.
Not only thick...........but also a weedy pigeon. What happened, did you trip whilst running from a confrontation?

[Old Hack]

Jeez........what a fooking loser.
You went to all the trouble of getting a badge after an op?
How fooking sad is that?
I bet you used to get your mum to write notes excusing you from rough games at PE too.

Oh dear, you don't think it was issued as I was disabled for a year before I was able to rehabilitate? Or the fact I was bed ridden?

Oh shaunyboy, no wonder you're such a fat

[d000hg]

Capable, but less capable than you... more likely to trip and fall, more likely to end up knackered, more likely not to come out of the house knowing they have to walk a long way.

Having said that 30s to pop into the shop should be allowed. Likewise if the spaces are free, but there's no good way to police that since relying on common sense to leave a few spaces free just wouldn't work. Ideally the sign would say "you can park here if disabled as long as you leave X spots free".

[shaunbhoy]

I hope so, but I believe strongly in the matter

Oh lighten up for fuxsake Goody Twoshoes!
Most of the "disabled" are just "old", and are perfectly capable of walking a few dozen metres anyway.
Besides, on the occasions I was describing all the available disabled spaces were available, so nobody was being inconvenienced.

[shaunbhoy]

I had a disabled badge after a leg op 20 years ago

Jeez........what a fooking loser.
You went to all the trouble of getting a badge after an op?
How fooking sad is that?
I bet you used to get your mum to write notes excusing you from rough games at PE too.

[Old Hack]

Crikey, I dread to imagine what you must think of people who park across two disabled bays. But I find it gives me more room to open the car doors

I like the ones with new cars who park across two bays to stop their pride and joy getting dented. I just park real close and forget to remind the girls to be careful when getting out.

[d000hg]

For once I agree with OH although sometimes it's daft. A local council car-park recently painted loads of spaces to be disabled only. Something like 10-20% of the car park. So now the car park is always rammed solid where before it was not, and there's a whole row of empty spaces nobody ever uses since the car park is 1/4 mile from the shops and there's a multistory right in the town centre.