Jobserve - Crappy Job Spec of the Weeeeek!

[SunnyInHades]

Part of a recent contract job description I’ve seen included..

"Uses humour appropriately to enhance relationships with others"

fu*k that for a game of soldiers. My humour is strictly Chubby Brown.

[Mich the Tester]

Programmer ----- Of what exactly?

Computers, what else?

[d000hg]

Stop being sensible.

[Platypus]

It's more than minimum wage. £500 a week for dossing about on college systems with a bit of Oracle Forms, oh, and designing an ID badge, sounds bloody ideal for a youngster.

[d000hg]

It's an 8-week contract, the "no holidays" jibe fails!

How you're supposed to do all that in 8 weeks is another matter.

[bless 'em all]

Programmer - North London London, £100 per Day Contract My Client is looking for a Programmer ----- Of what exactly?
North London
At the College ---------- Hmmmmmm.
8 weeks contract
£100 per day -------- BOOMED!!
HOURS:36 Hrs per week 52 weeks per year -------- No holidays then.
LOCATION: College's sites.

RESPONSIBLE TO: Systems Development Manager

PURPOSE OF POST:To develop, support and implement the College's information systems

CORE RESPONSIBILITIES:

1. To assist and support system users on College information systems and processes including providing on-line help
2. Gain in depth knowledge of management Information systems in order to resolve issues using analytical and methodical approaches to problem solving and investigation.
3. Gain in-depth knowledge of packages in order to manipulate data and produce meaningful reports
4. Write ad hoc queries to support the business needs of the College, to assist in data validation and to assist in the maintaining data integrity
5. To produce periodic statistical reports on College system developments
6. To develop applications using Oracle Development Tools, Forms, Reports, Discoverer against Oracle 11g database
7. Create interfaces and develop applications between systems using Microsoft Excel Macros and Microsoft Access
8. To provide training on all systems and interdependent applications on the College's information systems
9. To produce and update user and system documentation in accordance with the College's standards and business processes
10. To play a role in monitoring, testing and evaluating EBS and other dependent system after upgrades to ensure functionality and met requirements
11. Set user login credentials for EBS and in-house systems when all conditions including training required is met by the user
12. To be aware of MLE/Moodle systems and web applications and support users in the absence of the MLE team representatives
13. To design College ID Cards and help monitor and support the Security site team with card and system related processes and issues
14. To be a source of contact with external bodies in the event of outsourced assistance is required.
15. Such other duties commensurate with the grade of the post as may be reasonably required.
16. Be aware of equal opportunities and diversity and to demonstrate these principles in all aspects of work.
17. Be aware of your College entitlement to professional development.
18. Be familiar with the Safeguarding Children and Vulnerable Adults Policy and Procedure and comply with its requirements.
19. Work within the guidelines of the College's Health and Safety policy;
20. Be aware of equal opportunities and diversity and to demonstrate these principles in all aspects of work;
21. Be aware of your College entitlement to professional development

Who's gonna luck-out and get this bad boy then?