Reply to: Do women ever stop spending?

[psychocandy]

Compulsive spending could be a sign of low self esteem.

Getting you to buy something expensive a) makes her feel good (briefly) because she's got something nice b) gives an indication that you love / value her. So the solution is to make sure she feels loved and valued through your (inexpensive) thought and actions - Do you thank her if she cooks you a nice dinner? Do you spontaneously buy her flowers? Do you remember to tell her how much you love her (and not just when you want a legover)? Do an activity together - dancing, ice-skating, or even just weekend walks - make sure she knows you really enjoy her company.

If the kitchen does need doing, look at less expensive ways - new cupboard doors and worktops for a facelift.

Bitching about her on an internet forum is probably a reflection of the respect for her that comes across in your everyday lives. Make time for her - you'll both benefit.

Did this site just merge with Mumsnet ??????? LOL.

To be fair, it is a semi-serious thread only. My Mrs aint all that bad to be honest. But I'm hardly going to ask some of the people on here for serious advice, am I?

[psychocandy]

10 grand on wallpaper, that is what I had to feggin put up with.

My drum kit was 3 grand and that was the most expensive thing I will ever wish or want to buy, she gets about 3 walls for that.

**** me. £10K. Is it gold embossed or something?

[psychocandy]

I believe that when a woman asks for a new kitchen that is actually a request for a new house.

As for spending every penny - what's her mom like? My MiL was a big spender and actually would return food to buy the things she wanted! These are the signals you should have looked at sooner.

I have hidden my true income from my wife for years...she thinks I'm on 15K a year.

Not that helps you now.

Funnily enough, MIL is a nightmare for money. Her husband died 10 years and left a half decent sum (not a huge amount but a bit) which they'd been saving for retirement.

Thats all gone now. Spent on new bathrooms (5K), decorating, way over the top xmas presents for her kids. Completely frittered away and wasted.

Maybe I'm being a bit naive but Im not sure I like this lying to your Mrs thing though. But I can see that sometimes needs must..... :-)

[psychocandy]

Why is she even involved in any financial decisions? When it comes to finances, it is always a case of too many cooks ...

When it comes to finances, only one partner should handle them. For my parents, when I was younger, my mother had a far better grasp on finances, so allocated funds accordingly, even though my father drunk away a lot of money ....

I handle all the finances of combined incomes in my household, arrange insurance, pay bills, etc etc. It gets too messy having multiple people involved.

If you have a better head for figures or just have a more sensible streak then put your foot down with her ...

Yeh. Agreed. And currently I do it all.....

However, I dont want it to be 'my' money that I have control over. All I ask is a little bit of consideration/interest in our financial position before deciding we need a new kitchen.

Bugger all wrong with kitchen BTW.

[d000hg]

One piece of advice, dont get married as you clearly have no idea how divorces in the western world work .... You are in for a rude awakening when your day of reckoning arrives ....

It is very common for men to get saddled with all the negative equity/toxic assets/debts while the woman gets the kids

Sounds like a fair deal to me. Kids cost more than anything else ever will!

[Halo Jones]

Best way imho. Out of all the friends or partners I've had, once I've met their parents, its like "ohh that's where you get it from".

Far cheaper and easier than years of marriage to see what your partner will turn into.

But not all the time: thankfully I am not like my mother (for which no doubt BGG is happy too)

She had no financial acumen whereas I run the financial side of things both domestically & at work, the difference is I don’t have a £10.8m budget for home

[TiroFijo]

Why are you letting the wife out of the kitchen let alone the house to go shopping?

Because she is not a Thai import

[mudskipper]

Compulsive spending could be a sign of low self esteem.

Getting you to buy something expensive a) makes her feel good (briefly) because she's got something nice b) gives an indication that you love / value her. So the solution is to make sure she feels loved and valued through your (inexpensive) thought and actions - Do you thank her if she cooks you a nice dinner? Do you spontaneously buy her flowers? Do you remember to tell her how much you love her (and not just when you want a legover)? Do an activity together - dancing, ice-skating, or even just weekend walks - make sure she knows you really enjoy her company.

If the kitchen does need doing, look at less expensive ways - new cupboard doors and worktops for a facelift.

Bitching about her on an internet forum is probably a reflection of the respect for her that comes across in your everyday lives. Make time for her - you'll both benefit.

[MarillionFan]

10 grand on wallpaper, that is what I had to feggin put up with.

My drum kit was 3 grand and that was the most expensive thing I will ever wish or want to buy, she gets about 3 walls for that.

You could have got banksy to pop round and spray paint your Walls for that.

[wim121]

10 grand on wallpaper, that is what I had to feggin put up with.

Are you being serious or just yanking our chains?

Ten grand on wallpaper? Why didn't you hire a hitman and buy a new bride? It would have been cheaper!

I believe that when a woman asks for a new kitchen that is actually a request for a new house.

As for spending every penny - what's her mom like? My MiL was a big spender and actually would return food to buy the things she wanted! These are the signals you should have looked at sooner.

I have hidden my true income from my wife for years...she thinks I'm on 15K a year.

Not that helps you now.

Another good plan for all. Anyone remember that cheesy itv dating show "date my daughter" or whatever it was, where men would meet the mothers without meeting the daughter.

Best way imho. Out of all the friends or partners I've had, once I've met their parents, its like "ohh that's where you get it from".

Far cheaper and easier than years of marriage to see what your partner will turn into.

[minestrone]

10 grand on wallpaper, that is what I had to feggin put up with.

My drum kit was 3 grand and that was the most expensive thing I will ever wish or want to buy, she gets about 3 walls for that.

[Sockpuppet]

A single SO payment which covers salary and dividend looks a bit fishy to me. Makes it very clear you are treating dividends as effective salary.
A SO also implies you are taking the money regardless of if your Ltd has the profit available to take.

But this is too serious for general

Simple. Make them payments from the Directors Loan Account. When you declare a dividend, salary or expenses you're effectively loaning that money back to the company straight away. You can withdraw when you like.

[v8gaz]

I have one like that. After many many years paying for her car, she finally confessed that she earns enough that she can pay for her own car. So we trot down the dealers, and she finds one she likes.

Dealer - that will be £xxxxx to change
Me - whats that in pounds per month for 3 years?
Dealer - £xxx
Me - ok wife, can you afford that every month?>
wife - yes
Me - are you sure?
wife - yes, no problem
Me - thats every single month for 3 years. Are you absolutely sure?
Wife - yes, no problem
Dealer - Great, I just need a deposit of £xxx+20
Wife - can you get that dear, I'm skint.
Me - Doh!

[lilelvis2000]

Boxing day (after spending a small fortune on crap for Xmas) - we need a new kitchen..

Yesterday - I want to drop my hours in work.

Today - We need a garage extension.

As for me, I dont spend a great deal. Dont see the need in having a flash motor, etc etc just want enough have a decent holiday and not stress about money.....

About 9 months ago (as a permie), we had about £25K of credit card debts = not too cool. With the help of permie redundancy and 7 months of contracting, its down to about £10K now (all low balance transfers so no big deal). And I've got 6 months money saved in warchest.

But no, wifes eyes light up when she realises how much I earn. Doesnt seem to realise that paying off credit cards means less outgoings, and that her salary (albeit minimal when compared to mine) might be quite important when I aint got a contract. Does my chunk in.

Although, just remembered someone on her recently who;d been contracting for 4 years solid and his mrs has spent the lot and he had no warchest. Oh dear - not quite that bad...

I believe that when a woman asks for a new kitchen that is actually a request for a new house.

As for spending every penny - what's her mom like? My MiL was a big spender and actually would return food to buy the things she wanted! These are the signals you should have looked at sooner.

I have hidden my true income from my wife for years...she thinks I'm on 15K a year.

Not that helps you now.

[wim121]

They dont stop.

Once she gets everything on her current shopping list, she will just up her demands .. like wanting a holiday home.

Never directly say she cant have what she wants, just say 'we will get it next year' .. of course 'next year' never comes..

Your biggest mistake was letting her know how much you make as a contractor, but you can still mitigate by multiplying your daily rate by 200 days a year not 250 (to take into account holidays and down time between contracts). Then deduct 50% for tax and NICs (even if you will be paying much less). £400 a day equates to just £3.3K a month doing this. That should be the standing order you make every month into your personal bank account.

Then switch all company bank statements to paperless or 'online only' so she never knows how much you have in the ltd company reserves.

Very sensible advice ....