Reply to: Wacky ideas thread

[Paddy]

I would like to invent a vacuum cleaner to use and keep free range poultry clean. I could then go on Dragons’ Den and ask for a £50k investment for a 2% share in my company named... "Cock Suckers”.

[Doggy Styles]

Blimey I joined GEM when I was about 35. I suppose my 15 or so years of driving would have made me a veteran in 1932.

I didn't join for the free trilby and pipe, but because it was cheaper than the AA.

[Sysman]

Years ago the warning signs were a trilby or a pipe. But you don't see many pipe smokers these days.

Do you remember this lot?

Originally established in 1932 as the Company of Veteran Motorists to combat the increasing number of road accidents...

If you saw the Veteran Motorist badge on the back of a car, trilby / pipe smoking rules applied.

Another danger sign was elderly wimmin wearing bobbled woolly hats (presumably knitted themselves).

My father and I came across a classic combination one day - man with trilby, wife with bobbled hat, and they were driving an Allegro. We took a detour to avoid following them for too far.

[TimberWolf]

A bicycle sail. Anyone who has cycled against the wind knows how powerful a force the wind is. Also, wider roads for tacking.

[OwlHoot]

Add drivers wearing trilby hats to that one. ..

Years ago the warning signs were a trilby or a pipe. But you don't see many pipe smokers these days.

[wobbegong]

How about bio friendly insects that eat crumbs on computer keyboards and keep them clean.

Get with the program Paddy, just use the office Aardvark like everybody else.

[Paddy]

How about bio friendly insects that eat crumbs on computer keyboards and keep them clean.

[Doggy Styles]

Continuing the driving theme . . . .

A small device mounted above the drivers sunvison on saloon cars, that, when it detects the driver is wearing a hat, extends a telescopic arm to knock it off, while a prerecorded voice* says "It's not raining in your car, sh*t-for-brains".

* Just for fun, different voices could be chosen, Marilyn Monroe, Brian Blessed etc.

N.B. This device might not be suitable for Sihks, Hassidic Jews or people with bad syrups.

Bad syrups are dangerous because they can distract other drivers. Cars should be fitted with a vacuum sucker above the driver's head to remove them.

[wobbegong]

Continuing the driving theme . . . .

A small device mounted above the drivers sunvison on saloon cars, that, when it detects the driver is wearing a hat, extends a telescopic arm to knock it off, while a prerecorded voice* says "It's not raining in your car, sh*t-for-brains".

* Just for fun, different voices could be chosen, Marilyn Monroe, Brian Blessed etc.

N.B. This device might not be suitable for Sihks, Hassidic Jews or people with bad syrups.

[Sysman]

Signs at roundabouts to let women drivers know they don't actually have to stop if there's no traffic.

Add drivers wearing trilby hats to that one.

I nearly ended up in an over-the-handlebars moment due to that behaviour.

The other trick I hate is where wimmin take as straight a line as possible across roundabout without heed to anyone on the inside lane.

[Doggy Styles]

Signs at roundabouts to let women drivers know they don't actually have to stop if there's no traffic.

I'll second that! And I'd add beardie Volvo estate drivers to the sign.

[Cliphead]

Signs at roundabouts to let women drivers know they don't actually have to stop if there's no traffic.

[TimberWolf]

Bumpers on supermarket shopping trolley corners, to cover the sharp edges of steel that so effectively gouge parked Peugeots. And proper wheels so that they can be steered.

[wobbegong]

Some young lad sent that idea to a Tomorrow's World competition years ago, and if I remember correctly it won. The comment was that the best ideas are the simple ones, and that has stuck with me ever since.

Ah bugger! That's plan 'C' out of the window then.

[PRC1964]

Improve the England football team by replacing them with Brazilians.