Reply to: Cringeworthy moments

[KimberleyChris]

Must add that I later graduated to a Mk.1 Ford Escort van with mirrored back windows and a double mattress in the back.

Happy days.

Rest in peace, RAF Burtonwood...half of Warrington was probably conceived there :-)

[KimberleyChris]

Bugger...outed on CUK!

Still, I work in Nuclear, so if you can't fill a brown envelope and don't know which knuckle to squeeze, I don't suppose a bit of light poovery on the side will do any harm if it gets you the gig

[suityou01]

1. Getting my first car at 20ish, and ending up getting to serious grips in the back with a 30-something on a boozy girl's night out.

2. 15 years later, being invited round for Sunday lunch by my new girlfriend's parents.

You're way ahead of me, aren't you?

Grinnnnnnge....

It was her father?

You raving felchlord

[KimberleyChris]

1. Getting my first car at 20ish, and ending up getting to serious grips in the back with a 30-something on a boozy girl's night out.

2. 15 years later, being invited round for Sunday lunch by my new girlfriend's parents.

You're way ahead of me, aren't you?

Grinnnnnnge....

[MarillionFan]

God, this must be one of the most embarrassing days of my short life.

There is a film company making a sit-com right outside where I work. Its caused a real problem for my parking, but I got my own back by joining the food queue for beef in black bean sauce yesterday.

Anyways, at about 9 this am, I gets a twinge in my belly. Panic. I cant use the bogs in clientco, because its a small office, and there is no place to hide.
So I makes an excuse about my car, blah blah, parking, and headed off across the road. they MUST have temporary actors bogs.

AHAH. I was right. just off from the film units parking, on the croquet green, was a portable bog.
So I dived in, keks down, jeez h chr1st, what an explosion. It looked like that pile of triceratops dung in jurassic park. So I started to toggle the handle, and all this blue liquid came out, and my dollop got washed down. But I could tell by the sound, it didnt drop far.

Please God, let this portable bog be connected up to a septic tank. please please please.

So I got dressed, and left , trying to look inconspicuous. had a quick shufty
there on the grass, next to the path, was my steaming pile, with a little flag of bog roll waving in the wind.


but thats not the embarrassing bit. because I got away with that. noone saw me

at 11:30, I got another twinge.

This time I headed for the pub. but the windows were all covered with black masking. The door was covered in black blankets and there were lights pointing in. pub closed. I could tell that I had a minute at the most.
Round to the next pub - opens at 12.
So I headed for the car park, hid behind a van, and sh@t for britain.

I had to walk round to my car, covered in sh1te, drive home, clothes in the washing machine, scrub my boots, and me in the shower.




luckily, I can tell youse lot, because your my friends

[suityou01]

Our tumble drier broke down recently and I, suspecting the thermal cut out, removed it and took it to the electrical store near us to order a new one.

I went in and asked for one.

"Certainly sir. A Beko DRVS62W. And where was it?"

"Under the counter in the kitchen".

"No sir, the thermal cut out. Where was it on the machine, front or back?"

[hyperD]

Had the Brazilian cleaners in a few years ago, the tasty one with the shapely arse was hoovering away in the dining room and I was in the kitchen. Opened the fridge door to pick up some food and had a sudden bout of terrible crotch itch. As I was wearing a track suit at the time, dropped the waist band and undies and had a good rub to relieve the itch.

I suddenly heard someone say "I'm sorry..." and I looked up to see the cleaner in the kitchen, red faced and she hurriedly ran out of the kitchen.

We never made eye contact again.

[MaryPoppins]

when I was a teenager I worked as cleaner at a Naval base and one day felt like a bit of a skive so went into one of the workshop/rooms that was shut and sat in the darkness chilling out, after a while I heard some noise and realised it was the duty officer doing his rounds inspecting the premises...

he came into the room but didn't switch the lights on, I sat there motionless daring not to breath, he went to leave and then for some reason turned back round switched the lights on and caught me hiding in between a bit of machinery and the wall - suffice to say I had no possible explanation for what I was doing - at best I was skiving and at worst was up to something dodgy/sinister - I apologised, walked out shame faced and tried to avoid him for the rest of the day

I still cringe all the years on about it....

That's made me laugh

[2BIT]

Anyone got any other cringeworthy moments to share?

when I was a teenager I worked as cleaner at a Naval base and one day felt like a bit of a skive so went into one of the workshop/rooms that was shut and sat in the darkness chilling out, after a while I heard some noise and realised it was the duty officer doing his rounds inspecting the premises...

he came into the room but didn't switch the lights on, I sat there motionless daring not to breath, he went to leave and then for some reason turned back round switched the lights on and caught me hiding in between a bit of machinery and the wall - suffice to say I had no possible explanation for what I was doing - at best I was skiving and at worst was up to something dodgy/sinister - I apologised, walked out shame faced and tried to avoid him for the rest of the day

I still cringe all the years on about it....

[Support Monkey]

Talking of fat people, many years ago i worked for a company who inspected cars for a national insurance company, the owners would bring them down and we would check the details of the car were what they were trying to insure, anyways one day this little Fiat 500 rolls up and the driver had to literally prise himself from within, he must have been 25 stone he was huge and how he was driving it i have no idea as his face was literally on the windscreen, so he gets out and i walks over with my clipboard and says "can i have your name sir" to which he replied "yes! It's Mr Tiny" and he burst out laughing

[Churchill]

Anyone got any other cringeworthy moments to share?

Haven't seen the poster Churchill around for a few weeks, and then today he crawls out from under his rock and is posting all over CUK trying to be edgy and funny.

Brrrrrrrrr. Cringy.

Face it, you're just not big enough. **** off now, there's a good boy.

[DimPrawn]

Reading this thread was fairly cringeworthy.

WHS.

Thinking that I'm in someway associated with the OP by being on CUK. Brrr...Shiver.

[NotAllThere]

Reading this thread was fairly cringeworthy.

[TestMangler]

I once got stopped by the police while driving home late at night.

When I got out of the car, one officer said "We have stopped you sir, because we have reason to believe you are under the influence of alcohol."

I said, "Why is that officer, was my driving in some way erratic ?"

He replied, "No sir, you have a fat bird on your passenger seat".

Oh, how we laughed

[MarillionFan]

Anyone got any other cringeworthy moments to share?

Haven't seen the poster Churchill around for a few weeks, and then today he crawls out from under his rock and is posting all over CUK trying to be edgy and funny.

Brrrrrrrrr. Cringy.