Phallus teasing Greek Style

[Gibbon]

Doing A216 (Art and its histories) this year. Did A207 last year so will have done all the level 2 stuff I need, but might come back to A219 one day. Got day off today to catch up - best get on with it I guess...

That was on my list and I was going to do it this year, but I'm waiting for the new course which I gather won't have so much reading.

[mudskipper]

Yeah, we're doing Greek Theatre and Athens at the moment.
It's A219 for your reference. Which course are you doing?

Doing A216 (Art and its histories) this year. Did A207 last year so will have done all the level 2 stuff I need, but might come back to A219 one day. Got day off today to catch up - best get on with it I guess...

[Ignis Fatuus]

Aristophanes is still unbeatable for this stuff. I saw Lysistrata so long ago it seems like halfway back in time to Pericles, and it still brings a smile.

[Gibbon]

I didn't know cheesegraters were invented in those days.

Is this your OU course Gibbon? I think I must be studying the wrong subject. We're doing Still Life...

Yeah, we're doing Greek Theatre and Athens at the moment.
It's A219 for your reference. Which course are you doing?

[norrahe]

I didn't know cheesegraters were invented in those days.

Is this your OU course Gibbon? I think I must be studying the wrong subject. We're doing Still Life...

There is some really good stuff, especially Ovid's Amores or Virgils Dido and Aneas (Dryden's translation)

[mudskipper]

I didn't know cheesegraters were invented in those days.

Is this your OU course Gibbon? I think I must be studying the wrong subject. We're doing Still Life...

[SupremeSpod]

Have you not tried it?

I'll check and get back to you. We might know it under a different name. Being Oirish and all...

[Gibbon]

Lioness-on-a-cheesegrater?

FFS, what page is that on?

Have you not tried it?

[xoggoth]

Bah beaten to it. again

[SupremeSpod]

Lioness-on-a-cheesegrater?

FFS, what page is that on?

[Gibbon]

Reading 2.20 Aristophanes, Lysistrata
(Source: Sommerstein, A.H. (trans.) (1998) Aristophanes: Lysistrata, Oxford: Oxbow Books, pp. 15–53)

The oath to abstain until men make peace.

LYSISTRATA Lampito, everyone, take hold of the cup. [All do so.] Let
one of you, on behalf of all, repeat the exact words that I say, and the
rest will swear to them afterwards in confirmation. No man whatever,
neither lover nor husband –
CALONICE No man whatever, neither lover nor husband –
LYSISTRATA – shall come near me with his cock up. [Calonice
hesitates.] Say it.
CALONICE – shall come near me with his cock up. [Swaying as if
about to swoon] Help, help, Lysistrata, my knees are buckling!
LYSISTRATA And I will pass my life at home, pure and chaste –
CALONICE [recovering] And I will pass my life at home, pure and chaste –
LYSISTRATA – in make-up and saffron gown –
CALONICE – in make-up and saffron gown –
LYSISTRATA – so that my husband may be greatly inflamed with desire for me –
CALONICE so that my husband may be greatly inflamed with desire for me –
LYSISTRATA – and will never of my free will yield myself to my husband.
ALONICE – and will never of my free will yield myself to my husband.
LYSISTRATA - And if he force me by force against my will –
CALONICE - And if he force me by force against my will –
LYSISTRATA – I will submit grudgingly and will not thrust back.
CALONICE – I will submit grudgingly and will not thrust back.
LYSISTRATA I will not raise up my Persian slippers ceiling wards.
CALONICE I will not raise my Persian slippers ceiling wards.
LYSISTRATA I will not stand in the lioness-on-a-cheese-grater position.
CALONICE I will not stand in the lioness-on-a-cheese-grater position.
LYSISTRATA If I fulfil all this, may I drink from this cup.
CALONICE If I fulfil all this, may I drink from this cup.
LYSISTRATA But if I transgress it, may the cup be filled with water.
CALONICE But if I transgress it, may the cup be filled with water.
LYSISTRATA [to the others] Do all of you join in swearing this oath?
ALL We do.

And here’s the tease

MYRRHINE You mean, my dear, that I should break the oath that I’ve
sworn?
CINESIAS Let that be on my head; don’t you worry about any oath.
MYRRHINE All right then, let me fetch us a bed.
CINESIAS Not a bit of it. On the ground will do for us.
MYRRHINE By Apollo, no, in spite of the sort of man you are, I won’t
let you lie on the ground! [She goes off into a wing of the stage-house,
which represents Pan’s Grotto.]
CINESIAS [to himself] The woman loves me, you know, it’s pretty
obvious!
MYRRHINE [returning with a portable bed, which she puts down before
the grotto entrance] Here, hurry up and lie down, while I undress.
[Cinesias lies down on the bed. Myrrhine begins to unpin her clothes,
but almost at once checks herself] No, look – um, ah – a mattress, I’ve
got to bring out a mattress!
CINESIAS What do you mean, a mattress? I don’t need one.
MYRRHINE Oh, yes, by Artemis! On the cords isn’t at all nice.
CINESIAS [rising] Well then, give us a kiss.
MYRRHINE [doing so] There. [She goes into the grotto.]
CINESIAS Wowee! [Calling after her] Come back really quickly now!
MYRRHINE [returning with mattress, which she lays on the bed] Here’s
your mattress. Lie down, and now I am undressing. [Cinesias lies
down again. Myrrhine unpins herself at the shoulders, and then breaks
off again.] No, look – um, ah – a pillow, you haven’t got a pillow.
CINESIAS But I don’t want one.
MYRRHINE But I do! [She goes into the grotto.]
CINESIAS [calling after her] Do you think this prick of mine’sHeracles,
serving it this slow?
MYRRHINE [returning with pillow] Up you get – jump up. [Cinesias
rises; she puts the pillow in place; he lies down again. Speaking half to
herself] Have I got everything now?
CINESIAS Yes, everything. Come here now, my precious.
MYRRHINE I’m undoing my breastband now. Now remember, don’t
double-cross me over that business of the settlement.
CINESIAS By Zeus, may I be struck dead if I do!
MYRRHINE [abruptly] You haven’t got a blanket
CINESIAS I don’t want one, by Zeus – I want a ****!
MYRRHINE Don’t worry, you’ll have one. I’ll be back in a moment.
[She goes into the grotto.]
CINESIAS [to himself] This woman will be the death of me with her
Bed clothes!
MYRRHINE [returning with blanket] Raise yourself up.
CINESIAS [standing up while Myrrhine spreads the blanket on the bed]
This [pointing to his phallus] is raised up already! [He lies down again.]
MYRRHINE Do you want me to put scent on you?
CINESIAS By Apollo, I do not.
MYRRHINE By Aphrodite, I will, whether you like it or not! [She goes into the grotto.]
CINESIAS Lord Zeus, please let the perfume be spilt!
MYRRHINE [returning with scent bottle] All right, put out your hand and take some and rub it on.
CINESIAS [sniffing the scent in his hand] This scent isn’t a nice one, by Apollo. It’s positively dilatory, and it doesn’t smell conjugal at all.
MYRRHINE [in pretended dismay] Oh dear me, I brought the Rhodian scent!
CINESIAS It’s all right. Let it be, my dear woman.
MYRRHINE You do go on talking nonsense! [She goes back into the grotto.] CINESIAS
Blast and curse the man who first thought of boiling perfume!
MYRRHINE [returning with another scent bottle, slender and cylindrical in shape.] Here, take this thingy.
CINESIAS [pointing to his phallus] I’ve got one already! Now lie down, you wretched woman, and don’t bring me anything.
MYRRHINE I’ll do that, by Artemis. I’m just taking off my shoes. But do make sure, darling, that you vote for making peace.
CINESIAS I’ll think about it. [He stretches out his arm to draw Myrrhine towards him. It clasps empty air, and, turning his head, he sees her vanishing into the Acropolis, having noiselessly run away from him. He leaps to his feet.] The woman’s done for me and murdered me, in every possible way, and in particular by skinning my cock and scooting!