Reply to: Competition for the best joke of the day

Re: blonde

London 2012.

Best joke I can think of.

blonde

One blonde said to the other: My husband bought me some flowers the other day. My legs are aching 'cause they were up in the air all night.

The other blonde replied "don't you have a vase then?"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

1st man: my dog has no nose
2nd man: how does he smell
1st man: not too bad actually since we started using a deoderant spray.

b-bum

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

This is going to get silly.


Kids on a school trip to the country, as they are walking they spot a farmer up to his conkers in one of his sheep.

Quick as a flash the teacher shouts "are you shearing"

To whicj the farmer replies "No tha can bloody catch than own"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

I know I've already used it in another thread, but......

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordian.

In both cases you leave behind some noisy baggage.

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Little Johnny returned home after a school trip to a farm. Johnny's father asked the boy what he had seen.

"Well," replied Johnny, "we saw the chickens. We saw some sheep. We saw the goats, and we saw a field of f*ckers."

"What!?" Exclaimed the father.

Johnny continued, "That's right. The farmer showed us a field and said, 'look at all those heifers', but I know what he meant!"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Little Johnny turns up for school after a day's absence.
The teacher asks "Where were you yesterday Johnny?"

We went strawberry picking miss

You cant take a day off school for strawberry picking.

Well you let rastus have a day off to go black burying.

edit. Bet this doesnt last long.

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Little Johnny turns up for school after a day's absence.
The teacher asks "Where were you yesterday Johnny?"
Johnny replies "Sorry Miss, I couldn't come in because my Daddy got burned"
The teacher responds "Oh I hope it was nothing serious?"
Johnny replies "Well they don't f**k about at the Crematorium Miss!"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

There's these two snowmen standing in a garden. One turns to the other and says, "can you smell carrots?"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Little Jennifer is standing in the garden, crying and filling in a hole when the next door neighbour looks over the fence and says 'what are you doing there Jennifer ?'.
'I'm burying my goldfish, because he's dead.'
'Oh dear, what a shame. But isn't that rather a big hole for a goldfish?'.
'Yes, but he is inside your @#%$ cat!'

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

There's these two parrots sitting on a perch. The one turns to the other and says, "can you smell fish?"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? Sold his soul to Santa

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

maybe I can put in my sick joke that was once banned from this board:

A German tourist is found wandering on the beaches of Phuket, Thailand the day after the tsunami. A TV reporter from the BBC goes to him and ask "Hi, excuse-me, are you looking for someone?"
"yes a little boy, age 10"
"Oh my God. This is so sad. What's his name?"
"Don't care, any will do"

:x

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The barman looks at them and says, "is this some sort of joke?"

Re: Well, it made ME laugh . . .

Woman walks into a pub and asks for a double entendre so the barman gave her one.