Reply to: The dulcet tones of a 3 year old having a tantrum at bedtime!

[Mr Crosby]

I've started to use the "I'm going to count to 3" routine on my 2 year old.

1... 2... 3... at which point she shouts "4" and laughs at me, you can't win.

That's why you have a cupboard under the stairs.

[Drewster]

I do believe it also depends on the child. You cannot condition a child to fall into the pattern you want all the time.

My sister has four kids, each have been treated the same. One is always good as gold, two will respond to the naughty step/rules, the fourth is heading for prison.

Individuality is innate, it's not conditioned.

You are right... thankfully - each child is different and will (hopefully) grow up to be themselves good or bad....

All I am saying is that we (as parents) can only do what we believe to be our best...... and TBH I have never heard a real parent defending letting kids get away with it as "best" - often "not worth the effort"/"broke my heart"/etc etc.

and I am not saying I have never taken the easy way out and given in..... of course I have..... My kids think I am strict... but they know I am (fairly) consistent and they know they are loved - and now they are older they also understand my decisions (well the older ones do... the younger ones are still learning.... and as mentioned above so am I)

[MarillionFan]

You never stop learning about parenting... and generally speaking they will grow up despite your lack of knowledge/skills.....

but they do need to learn rules/boundaries/whatever you call them.....

If Daddy/Mummy say NO it should mean NO... not "OK if you whinge and whine/smile and look cute I will eventually give in"....

As they age they will learn to push boundaries (its called growing up)
and you will learn to give them more responsibility (as they grow in confidence/experience etc).

I am not saying I know everything about parenting and I may be totally wrong but I believe that it is your responsibility to give them the best start in life you can, to teach them right from wrong, good from bad etc etc and that starts with complying with "the Rules".... cos if they learn to do that in their small safe* world (because you will do your utmost to make their world safe) then it gives them a better chance in the big bad world....

If a child always get their own way and thinks they can always ignore "the rules"..... when they get into the big bad world it comes as a shock that
a) They get arrested.... or
b) (more likely) they run into other spoilt little toe rags who beat the tulip out of them because they never learnt to obey "the rules" either....

"the rules" are only the basis of civilised society... and what is the world coming too... kids of today... got no respect... wasn't like this in my day.... this would solve the problems of society blah blah etc etc.

Sorry - that turned into a rant.... wasn't intended <rant over>

I do believe it also depends on the child. You cannot condition a child to fall into the pattern you want all the time.

My sister has four kids, each have been treated the same. One is always good as gold, two will respond to the naughty step/rules, the fourth is heading for prison.

Individuality is innate, it's not conditioned.

[Drewster]

I said NO, to my 1 year old a few times in a row when he was doing something 'bad' yesterday.. he just looked at me and burst into tears. Broke my heart.... I then realised he didnt have a clue that what he was doing was bad... and that I ahve a lot to learn about parenting.

You never stop learning about parenting... and generally speaking they will grow up despite your lack of knowledge/skills.....

but they do need to learn rules/boundaries/whatever you call them.....

If Daddy/Mummy say NO it should mean NO... not "OK if you whinge and whine/smile and look cute I will eventually give in"....

As they age they will learn to push boundaries (its called growing up)
and you will learn to give them more responsibility (as they grow in confidence/experience etc).

I am not saying I know everything about parenting and I may be totally wrong but I believe that it is your responsibility to give them the best start in life you can, to teach them right from wrong, good from bad etc etc and that starts with complying with "the Rules".... cos if they learn to do that in their small safe* world (because you will do your utmost to make their world safe) then it gives them a better chance in the big bad world....

If a child always get their own way and thinks they can always ignore "the rules"..... when they get into the big bad world it comes as a shock that
a) They get arrested.... or
b) (more likely) they run into other spoilt little toe rags who beat the tulip out of them because they never learnt to obey "the rules" either....

"the rules" are only the basis of civilised society... and what is the world coming too... kids of today... got no respect... wasn't like this in my day.... this would solve the problems of society blah blah etc etc.

Sorry - that turned into a rant.... wasn't intended <rant over>

[tay]

I said NO, to my 1 year old a few times in a row when he was doing something 'bad' yesterday.. he just looked at me and burst into tears. Broke my heart.... I then realised he didnt have a clue that what he was doing was bad... and that I ahve a lot to learn about parenting.

[original PM]

yeah naughty step has worked but as people say do not over use.

I often find that actually going down to their eye level and talking to them about the current unacceptable behaviour can have good results --- just talking down to them seems to not have the same effect.

try to avoid smaking them but the odd clip round the back of the legs can emphasise a point....

having said all of that I know plenty of supposed adults who have tantrums and need to be put on the naughty step - or to be given a good kicking for being a pointless spoiled self centre winker...

[blacjac]

Anyone tried the naughty step, naughty bench, naughty rug, naughty chair,etc....

I've watched 100 episodes of Supernanny. I'm ready for the terrible twos

Yeah, works wonders unless it is overused for the slightest little thing. Then it looses all meaning, as my other half found out.

[NotAllThere]

The naughty chair is very effective.

(... especially with a couple of 6 inch nails as fixative ).

[SantaClaus]

Anyone tried the naughty step, naughty bench, naughty rug, naughty chair,etc....

I've watched 100 episodes of Supernanny. I'm ready for the terrible twos

[shaunbhoy]

I keep telling the missus that, but she pushes and pushes. another night in the coal-hole if she doesn't behave

I see where you are coming from EO. FWIW, if that does not work then dousing her with cold water before lobbing her into the coalhole may just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

HTH

[EternalOptimist]

WSS.

I think you're all singing from the same hymn sheet - discipline and boundries work.

I keep telling the missus that, but she pushes and pushes. another night in the coal-hole if she doesn't behave

[MaryPoppins]

I don't need to. From the youngest to the oldest, they know from a raised eyebrow when they've crossed the line and they back down. If they learn fast that a tantrum gets them nowhere, they employ other manipulation devices - usually less stressful ones.

I have tapped hands in the past, yes, and I'm not ashamed of it: it's been for repeated dangerous behaviour (eg. you tell them not to stick something metallic in a disc drive because they could electrocute themselves, they do it anyway, you tap the back of their hand with a firm NO). I've never done it out of anger, frustration, etc, and never needed to do it past their 5th birthday. You do it for shock value, not to physically hurt: and shock value only works if it is used very infrequently, for the most serious of situations. Needless to say, my kids and electrical equipment continued to live side by side in harmony.

Naturally I won't tell you how to raise your kids, it's your responsibility to raise them to adulthood by the methods you find best.

WSS.

I think you're all singing from the same hymn sheet - discipline and boundries work.

[SizeZero]

So SizeZero. Do you smack your children? (or anyone elses, in case you dont have any)

I don't need to. From the youngest to the oldest, they know from a raised eyebrow when they've crossed the line and they back down. If they learn fast that a tantrum gets them nowhere, they employ other manipulation devices - usually less stressful ones.

I have tapped hands in the past, yes, and I'm not ashamed of it: it's been for repeated dangerous behaviour (eg. you tell them not to stick something metallic in a disc drive because they could electrocute themselves, they do it anyway, you tap the back of their hand with a firm NO). I've never done it out of anger, frustration, etc, and never needed to do it past their 5th birthday. You do it for shock value, not to physically hurt: and shock value only works if it is used very infrequently, for the most serious of situations. Needless to say, my kids and electrical equipment continued to live side by side in harmony.

Naturally I won't tell you how to raise your kids, it's your responsibility to raise them to adulthood by the methods you find best.

[NotAllThere]

I just look meaningfully at the garden and say "We used to have seven children, but four misbehaved". None of this namby-pamby, bleeding heart, tree hugging, wishy wasy liberal smacking.

[MarillionFan]

Too many namby pamby modern parenting methods here.


You shout (yes, raise that voice), "Get to bed NOW. No bath, no food, and definitely NO story. I do not want to see you, nor hear from you, until morning. Do you understand?" Trust me, they will understand and next time you raise your voice, they won't answer you back like a smartarse.


You can't rant about lack of discipline with 'modern parents' if you don't use it yourself. 'Story' is rewarding bad behaviour - and you know where that will lead.

So SizeZero. Do you smack your children? (or anyone elses, in case you dont have any)