Reply to: Nhs

[OwlHoot]

Crikey, this is like an episode of Holby City, and with a happy ending too. What more could you ask?

[suityou01]

Promising news

Grandad is sitting up and chatting.


And they are talking about discharging him on Friday. Apparently their conclusion is he had pneumonia. Which presents all the symptoms he had including the slurred speech and stroke indicators. They have told my mother in her absence I had been very inquisitive about his progress.

And Mum is back on her game and being constructive.

So a big thanks to those that listened, swapped stories, posted links, PM'd. I think SY08 will keep on truckin for the time being.

[OwlHoot]

.. at one point my mum (following a major bowel op) was being treated for both diarrhoea and constipation - with predictable consequences! ..

I'm not sure the consequences of that would be predicable

(unless maybe the result was frequent rabbit droppings)

[suityou01]

Sounds like good news. They are rubbish at keeping on top of what medication they've prescribed - at one point my mum (following a major bowel op) was being treated for both diarrhoea and constipation - with predictable consequences! So check his drug chart, use google, and if there's anything on there that you're unsure about, ask.

Different people cope (or don't) with stress in different ways. It doesn't sound like your mum's a selfish person if she's had your granddad living with her, so bear with her - she probably needs a too.

Good point. Only someone from the outside looking in could point that one out. I'm too close to ground zero.

Things will pick up. At the moment I am focussed on what the Dr says. Get him over the infection, and anticipate improvement. I have refrained from speaking harshly / out of turn to Mum. She has detected me gritting my teeth in phone calls, and I have had a call from her tonight.

She is wanting to visit tomorrow, and take things day by day. This is good. Sometimes when you don't react, people feel bad all by themselves and correct themselves. This one needs thought, just a musing.

Again CUK, thanks for listening.

[mudskipper]

Sounds like good news. They are rubbish at keeping on top of what medication they've prescribed - at one point my mum (following a major bowel op) was being treated for both diarrhoea and constipation - with predictable consequences! So check his drug chart, use google, and if there's anything on there that you're unsure about, ask.

Different people cope (or don't) with stress in different ways. It doesn't sound like your mum's a selfish person if she's had your granddad living with her, so bear with her - she probably needs a too.

[RichardCranium]

Then I got some action.

indeed! Well done!

[suityou01]

Good grief....

Keep at it SY01 - you'll need to support your mum when she discovers all of this (she'll feel bad, but she did what was right for her at the time - she couldn't have coped had your Gramps continued like that. Shame the bloody consultant didn't tell her about this then...)

Struggling to cope with my mother at present. It seems to be all about her.

I can't afford the parking to visit him (she is minted FFS, Dad was an IT contractor for 30 years)
I can't stand around in cold hospitals, not with my bad back.
I can't have him here, not if he needs looking after.

Yada yada yada. It's a strange thing when you look at the person your mother is and actually dislike the person you are seeing. Self centred would be an improvement.

Still I bite my lip, choke down what I am feeling and speak pleasantly. Now she knows he hasn't had a stroke she is even talking of vising him on Friday.

SY01 picks up the pieces, and exits to stage left once the storm has passed and she swans back in with Grandad none the wiser, and me and SY02 seriously sickened by her.

This is real life. Can't wait for things to go back to my usual drunken fuggy bubble.

Thanks CJ, RC, BGG et al. Proper nice people you are.

Edit : And SY02.

[norrahe]

If it is the first stages of dementia then contact the alzheimers society

I've had two members of my family die from alzheimers related illnesses and another recently diagnosed.

They can advise on how to help and what the best route to take is.

[cojak]

Good grief....

Keep at it SY01 - you'll need to support your mum when she discovers all of this (she'll feel bad, but she did what was right for her at the time - she couldn't have coped had your Gramps continued like that. Shame the bloody consultant didn't tell her about this then...)

[suityou01]

Visited today. He was asleep. I was promised the consultant and social worker would be there today to discuss with me his care and prospects. They were not there. Tomorrow now apparently.

Seeing as he was asleep, I deduced he was not drinking. Clever I is see. One of the things they urged him to do on Friday when he was admitted was drink lots of fluids. I checked his charts. He has (recorded on the charts) only had two cups of tea in the last two days. He has also been refusing food. I raised this with the ward sister. Lots and lots of nodding, and 'ok's' but no answers.

Blood pressure rising by this point. I ask if they keep a fluid intake log. Yes we do they said. Can I see? Sure ..... Er well we will keep a fluid log from tomorrow.

FFS. Politely kept interupting the ward sister every ten minutes with polite questions until in the end they paged the consultant. I have raised concerns that they could not provide evidence of his fluid intake. This struck a chord judging by their fallen faces.

Then I got some action.

CT Scan clear.
Heart echo clear.
Blood tests improving (white cell count normal, inflammation indicators still raised)
Cognitive tests passed.
Still on antibiotics.

It appears from what they say that if an elderly person gets a chest infection or UTI it knocks them sideways for days if not weeks. Confusion, behavioural changes the whole gamut of side effects. So he is sleeping it off.

So they aren't overly concerned he has had a stroke, and are waiting to see how he recovers from the infection. And it's not until I made a right fuss I get to find out about this.

Bet they'll keep a frakin fluid chart from now on.

[RichardCranium]

Group hugs.

Good idea.

[mudskipper]

[I did write a much longer version including details of my mother's death and my wife's uncle's dementia. Then deleted it - nobody needed to know the details.]

I don't think you're the only one. Anyone who has experienced a sick elderly parent (or grandparent) can empathise with SY01 - and it brings back to the surface the emotions felt at the time.

Group hugs.

[Coalman]

Sorry to hear of your distress and hope the situation improves.

Good Luck.

[Board Game Geek]

SY,

I am so sorry about these recent developments, and the anguish everyone must be feeling.

I think it's fair to say that he is confused and frightened, and lashing out because of that.

If I was in the same position, I'd try to tactfully explain to his loved ones that he is in a very bad mental state at the moment, frightened, confused and in pain. That this behaviour is uncharacteristic of him, and not driven by his conscious, but by his fears and illness.

I'd ask them that if they were in the same postion, wouldn't they want someone to sit with them, just to be there, and reassure them ? To not judge the outbursts, because they are not intentional or deliberate, and just support them however they can ?

If they reply yes, then hopefully they can put aside their own fears, because it's obviously deeply upsetting for them to see him this way, and they might have a change of heart and face their fears by going to see him.

He needs hugs, love and support right now, and they have to learn to bite their tongues, and just let the abuse go in one ear and out the other.

If they can do that, then when he goes, they will be at peace with themselves and know they did the best they could, instead of remembering his end as one of abandonment and loneliness. That will no doubt screw them up at a later date too.

[cojak]

Dementia - a new way to treat it.

Specal charity (Specialised Early Care for Alzheimer’s)