Reply to: From out of the shadows...

[Bwana]

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[AlfredJPruffock]

Xoggoth, I have always found the smell of damp peat particularly stimulating, especially when it comes to looking at bums. Just think of it; the damp wood, the strange smell, the cobwebs, old bike, dirty windows, bare bums...OH YES!!!!

Relax WS, you see its all part of growing up and being British ...

Fades to Land of Hope and Glory ...

[WageSlave]

Xoggoth, I have always found the smell of damp peat particularly stimulating, especially when it comes to looking at bums. Just think of it; the damp wood, the strange smell, the cobwebs, old bike, dirty windows, bare bums...OH YES!!!!

[Lucifer Box]

Perhaps you could join Voron in the small pot he's renting on AtW's patio?

[xoggoth]

I'm game WS, but If we are going to look at each other's arses I would rather it was not in LG's potting shed. I like a bit of luxury with my homoerotiscism. And I don't come cheap you know.

[WageSlave]

I've written many books. If you are interested you can buy them from me (visit me at LG's potting shed).
For an extra £5 I can create your very own personalised picture book

[Rebecca Loos]

Bwana, why don't you publish your book yourself? There are lots of sites that can help you, for example this one or that one
A friend of mine wrote a book and now tries to sell it from his own website. Not a big success so far I have to admit, but could be the way to go if you have been rejected by high street publishers

[voron]

It's best not to mention any diversions to potential clients

[Bwana]

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[TwoWolves]

What I like about this story is its poetic honesty. I do get rather tired of contractors who beat their chest with pride in their own ability like an 80lb mountain gorilla while actually being slightly incompetent. I also sympathise with the gruelling pressure of front office development but this can be countered by never actually making any mistakes and that is not bragging it is merely the result of the opposite, a significant fear of failure that drives one to TEST EVERYTHING THOROUGHLY. I survived the wilderness years to clock up a 12 year contracting run but find humility is ultimately the key to survival.

[WageSlave]

Even I got bored with looking at my own cock and arse after a few years.

Xoggoth, I'm afraid you are quite mistaken on this issue. If you have grown tired it is simply because you haven't grasped the full beauty and mystery that is the human arse. My favourite hobby is to watch arses, and I find new magic in its moods and movements every day.

I suggest we meet up to look at each other's arse and rediscover the joy that only an arse can bring.

[AlfredJPruffock]

Could be the making a book!

'The life and times of an ex-IT contractor'

May I suggest the alternative title of Much Ado About Nothing ?

[xoggoth]

I really must point out that you won't find a lot of porn surfing in your pyjamas*. There is a lot more to be found on the internet.

*Well, you will, but it gets a bit samey after a while. Even I got bored with looking at my own cock and arse after a few years.

Anything about contracting is bound to be unbeleivably dull, but bits in the middle para have potential and you write well.

xoggoth tales now takes guest writers if anyone wants to have a go.

[Joe Black]

Could be the making a book!

'The life and times of an ex-IT contractor'

[Bagpuss]

People,

For about five years now I've been lurking on these forums, lying lower than a snakes belly! With great amusement I've followed the banter between regulars such as Xoggoth (brilliant writer, should be a novelist!), AtW, DimPrawn, and MilanB, to name just a few. I remember the days when Janek was a frequent poster. Whatever happened to Steven Rees (posting from Wales if I remember correctly) ? Your collective rantings on such perenial topics as house prices, get rich quick schemes, and the mess our once great country is in, have kept me amused and entertained, particularly throughout the severe downturn in the IT industry from 2001 to 2003. With a knowing smile I've watched the young Milan Benes aspiring, as I once did, to become a fully fledged contractor earning a fat contract rate. As a wise contractor once told me "One day, grasshopper....". So after all these years I decided to step out of the shadows and introduce myself.

I started off in a permie role as a VB developer working for a software house in my native Cheshire, around the mid nineties. Within a few moves I'd made it to the top of the pile, at least as far as VB development in a straight forward analyst programmer role goes (ie not team leading). The pinacle for me was working in London in the City on a greenfield ecommerce website project in 2000, funded and run by one of the big investment banks. The novelty of invoicing for two grand per week (plus VAT @ 17.5%!) never did wear off! But then came the downturn. In 2001 the bank decided to scrap the project and lay off the team, and it was all downhill from there for me. The agency I worked through went late with payments. I fought a legal battle and managed to get a county court judgement ordering them to pay, but I still didn't receive the money. The agency eventually went bust, leaving my company out of pocket to the tune of eight grand....ouch!

Contracting had proved to be a mixed blessing for me. During the boom years I made a lot of money, earning at least twice as much (and sometimes a lot more) as my friends outside the industry. But the uncertainty and the moving around to get work meant that I never quite felt in a position to buy a place of my own. After a few years of double digit house price inflation, I suddenly found myself no better off (and probably worse off) than people who'd plodded along in the first permie job they were offered. They'd bought a house, not as a shrewed investment but simply because it suited them to at the time. They'd got a pension, not because they were clued up financially, but simply because their employer provided one. And they didn't spend their evenings and weekends agonising over whether to accept IR35 or fight it!

From mid 2001 to late 2003, I only got one day of paid work. It was looking as though my IT career was over, having been crushed by a combination of severe IT industry downturn, the massive influx of cheap foreign labour under the FTV scheme, the rise of offshore outsourcing, and my own reluctance to take just any old job anywhere in the country for the sake of staying in the game. At one point I was seriously considering going back to university to study for a law degree! Being single and having missed out on the property boom, I ended up moving back in with my parents to reduce my outgoings whilst I was out of work. I spent my days sat at my computer desk in my bedroom, drinking lager, rattling the walls with loud belches and occasionally shouting "Monkey's Arse!" to amuse myself whilst I lurked on these forums (should that be fora? I'm sure one of the resident pedants will correct my spelling and grammer if necessary!). Sometimes a whole day would pass by as I surfed for internet porn in my pajamas. For months I didn't even bother chasing work, having become so dissilusioned with agents and clients rejecting me because I didn't have at least 5 years commercial experience of RockingHorsetulip version 6.457.24.515b, gained in dust-free zero gravity environment by personal invitation from Lord Lucan and Elvis. My idealistic desire to be honest about my skills and experience meant that I just couldn't compete with the blaggers, especially in such a tough market. My descent had happened just as quickly as my rise. Things hit rock bottom in summer 2002, when my only brother commited suicide. He was an accomplished programmer.

Eventually, thanks to a little help from some good friends of mine, I managed to get a permie job working for a Hedge Fund, based in an upmarket area of London. It was high pressure in a work hard play hard sort of way, but I was so glad to be back in work that my enthusiasm kept me going. As time went by though, I found myself starting to have doubts about my long term suitability for the front office environment. Then, around one year into the job, I decided to quit. I'd come to the conclusion that I simply wasn't thick skinned enough to put up with having traders shouting at me at 8:30 in the morning when there was a problem with the software I'd written. To be fair to them, they had a good sense of humour and they could be great fun to be around at times. There were occasions when they were very generous to me. But they could quickly loose their temper when IT problems arose, and being on the receiving end of their tantrums was making me unhappy. If they had a go at me, half an hour later they'd be laughing and joking, but I'd feel depressed for the whole day. So I hit the eject button, and once again I find myself on the bench. What will the future hold for me ? Which way will the wind blow ? Who knows ? Who cares ?

Bwana.

By Adrian Mole age 33 1/3