Reply to: Serious question - what would you do?

[scooterscot]

Thanks for all the replies guys and dolls.

An experience shared, somehow, lets the calm return.

[Ivor Bigun]

..............I would pursue, I regret that my family did not.

...............It almost implies that you were indifferent to the causes of his death or indeed his death itself (harsh but that's how I see how it outwardly seems about what happened to my Grandfather)

Eliquant....

The first was never your responsibility or right. To take a position of judgement on your own family like this says more about you than you realise.

The second is insensitive and just another veiled attack on your own family

Eliquant - be careful about thinking life is like a computer problem......

[cojak]

Sorry to hear this Scooterscot.

Cancer does work that quickly, particular if the diagnosis was late (through Dad's dislike of Doctors). My Dad was poorly over Christmas and was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 weeks before he died in mid-Feb. (Many thanks for your support, btw - it meant a lot. You know who you are...).

Ivor Biggun had very wise words. I'd take my cue from his advice.

[eliquant]

Sounds like your father may have been mis-diagnosed and they may have been giving him a completely incorrect treatment that may have been more harmful than had he not received that paticular treatment.

My grandfather was mis-diagnosed for months when he actually had lung cancer in the early 1980s, they gave him the wrong treatment for months on end. Then some exploratry surgeory revealed the cancer and then all those who mis-diagnosed just disappeared and absolved themselves from responsibility.

Some of his words on his death bed were "Incompetant fools", referring to the doctors who had analysed the symptoms completely wrongly.

I would pursue, I regret that my family did not. It almost implies that you were indifferent to the causes of his death or indeed his death itself (harsh but that's how I see how it outwardly seems about what happened to my Grandfather)

[horza]

My sympathies to scooterscot - I lost my mother to leukaemia some years ago, and I can say only that the pain becomes more distant as time passes.

With regard to the consultant, he sounds like an arse, as was my mother's consultant. There is no real mystery to what I believe he was alluding to, and it's a medical convention rather than cover-up, but an ugly one. If a patient dies as a result of the cancer treatment rather than the cancer itself, the death certificate will give the cause of death as cancer, rather than heart attack/drug reaction/other. Death as a result of chemotherapy or radiotherapy is not common, but can be a serious possibility when aggressive treatment is required.

This is no more than an educated guess of course, but it's something you need to consider. If you want to pursue this, get in touch with the consultant and try and ask for a private, off the record conversation about the cause of your father's death. There could have been an error in doseage that amounted to malpractice, but it is not the only possibility, or necessarily the most likely one.

[BrowneIssue]

My father died of cancer in January

Only recently the consultant advised the family my father did not die of cancer. He said nothing more, not even when asked, they just sat there in silence.

There's still a feeling this is not closed but yet at the same time no one wants to bring it up.

Are you losing sleep over it? Is it going round and round in your head all day? If so, deal with it before it eats you up.

Idle curiosity and frightened of finding out something painful, which wont bring your dad back? Let it go.

Other members of the family hassling you about it, but you're not wanting to progress it? Just tell them "Do what you want, but it won't bring me my Dad back."


BTW, my Mum died in October so I'm 3 months up on you. She died 'cos she was called in for a test for something trivial, it was not convenient for them to do it so they kept her in, they put her on oxygen 'just in case', that gave her a lung infection, the subsequent pneumonia killed her. If they had sent her home to wait for another test...

But I can't bring her back so I've let that go.

My Dad said on Sunday he's getting a small memorial made. It'll go up near her birthplace - a place she hasn't been for 60 years - and say "Home at last". When he told me on Sunday I had to fight back the tears. I wonder how long that goes on for?



Your emotions will be screwed at the moment, but if this problem is consuming you, deal with it now or it will be what you carry for the rest of your days.

[OwlHoot]

I think your father's medical practice are obliged by the NHS Freedom of Information Act (2000) to provide you or his executor with all his medical notes upon demand.

Not being a medical lawyer I don't know all the ins and outs of this, for example how long clinical notes are retained after a patient's death. But I'd get your skates on, because if those bureaucrats suspect any irregularity they'll probably be shredding and deleting the notes as we speak.

I'd contact a solicitor or the coroner (if there was an inquest) and tell them what the consultant told you.

It sounds to me like some over-zealous (or ambitious) doctor was experimenting with a new treatment which in the event didn't work out - Not the worst sin in the world IMHO, as they probably hoped for the best and had high expectations, but all the same not in your father's best interests as things turned out, and somewhat high-handed, even unethical, to embark on without first informing him of the risks and offering him the choice.

[Incognito]

I'm sorry for your loss SS and it must be hard for you having to dredge up the feelings again by discussing it. I think you need to ask yourself what you hope to gain out of what is potentially going to a very upsetting process. No matter what happens, you can't bring your father back. However, if you feel you need closure then it may be best to try and find out the truth.

[Ivor Bigun]

Deep breath.

My father died of cancer in January. Diagnosed middle of last year, apart from the difficulties accepting the news life went on and no-one would have known any different.
.........................
There's still a feeling this is not closed but yet at the same time no one wants to bring it up.

Its part of grief for you to wonder.Yo should talk about it with each other. This is the initial stages of the grieving process that everyone goes through. Eventually, you will accept all things that come to pass and that all is in its proper place.

Eventually, you'll "remember golden times" and look back in pride at the things your dad meant. Its too early for you to smile about it now - but it will happen.

As you said yourself - he was diagnosed last year. Maybe you could have changed thigs. Maybe you could have prolonged his life for a few more months. However, there is nothing to say that it would have been free of pain or better for him, you or your family. I speak of someone that has seen someone "go slowly into the night" and I can tell you - its not better.

Go through your grief "positively" - by that I mean do what you think is best. Just be prepared to come out the otherside with a different feeling about what's important - its only then that you will realise there is no more need to feel that "things are not closed".

[EternalOptimist]

Scootie. I wonder if there is a way for you to get the information, without having the consultant clam up, and without asking him to condemn himself or whoever else.
You have to face it, they have (possibly) lied on the death certificate, and although he felt bad and tried to tell you, he couldnt do it when push came to shove.
Take him round a bottle of scotch, crack it and talk to the guy. If you get anything from him (and I suspect you will), you will have to decide what to do about it.

condolences

[Pogle]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
But I suspect in your shoes I'd want to know all the details.
Mr P used to be an investigating officer with the health care commission - now the health service ombudsman, and he says the first port of call is to contact the hospital & consultant and request more information.
Then if you're not happy about what they tell you or some aspect of the treatment contact the health service ombudsman.
They will investigate and produce a report for you.


HTH

[BoredBloke]

Wouldn't it be worth finding out just incase it is something he could have passed on? I think I'd want to know

[Menelaus]

http://www.nhsla.com/home.htm

Here's the website of the NHS Litigation Authority - some research here may be worthwhile.

Obviously, nothing will bring back your Dad but it may serve as a salutory lesson to other medical "Masters of the Universe".

[minestrone]

Sorry to hear that.

I would ask to see the GP who refered your father onto the consultant, they should contact the hospital and seek clarification. I would not worry about the GP covering for the hospital, they tend not to get on very well.

I think if you do not do something now it will become something always on the back of your mind. Very often the people who should complain about the NHS do not as they just grin and bear it while the system gets swamped by needless complaints.

[BrilloPad]

My cousin is a doctor. There were big errors made in treatment of my ex's kidney falure. My cousin advised never to sue a doctor as they close ranks. Like lawyers.

Sorry for your loss and hope things get better.