Reply to: Accident stories...

[Peoplesoft bloke]

........
I was hiding in a rusty old nissan shelter, shooting through a hole in the corrugated iron.

Nissen

[Menelaus]

When I was but a nipper (15) and at grandparents place I decided to teach myself to drive in one of the old Land Rovers that was around the farm.

Thought I'd got it sussed and was giving myself instruction for 3-4 hours a day, every day, until a few weeks in and deciding that I really wanted to find out what was over a hill a few miles away from the farm.

It had been raining pretty much incessantly and then, foolishly, my belief was that I should put my foot down and drive like the wind. Hitting what I thought was a puddle, I realised that one of the roads through the farm (in actuality, little more than a dirt track) had collapsed into the bog below, and the Landie came to an almost complete halt - it's the fastest I've decelerated in my entire life.

Didn't do much damage to me, other than a nosebleed and an intense feeling of "OMG, I'm in so much bother".

The seemingly indestructible Landie however had to be dragged out of the non-road by another Landie having "stoved its face in". Good job it was all private land - having lost most of its front end there were no headlights, broken steering rack, broken front axle...

Ouch.

[Money Money Money]

Lads holiday in Lake District last year, staying in a tent.

Out in town for a few jars, and later return. Gas lamp on and gas stove heating some water, gas stove runs out of gas...

My mate says no probs i've got a spare, due to alcohol we didn't think anything of it and even all watched as he started changing the gas bottle, it then dawned on us that the silly buggar (stuck in his ways) still had those ******* death trap old gas burners that don't re-seal themselves.

So after piercing it and not being able to get the clips round the tent starts filling up with gas, slow motion kicks in with an almighty whoosh then a bang as the gas lamp ignites the gas bottle and literally fills the tent with flames, me and my mate were stuck at the back of the tent and the other 2 made a quick exit out the front.

I bit a hole in the back of the tent and ripped it open, we both dived through only to be confrounted with another layer of tent!!! Luckily one of the other boys lifted the other layer and dragged us out.

Spent the rest of the night in hospital and then a tulipty B&B in Blackpool!

I've got pics some where....

[Pogle]

Barely. I have done some shockingly stupid things in my time

I like you

[MaryPoppins]

You still allowed out on your own?

Barely. I have done some shockingly stupid things in my time

[snaw]

Yay! Its one of my fave stories that one.

Closely followed by the time I couldn't get my car out of an awkward space so decided to try driving up and over what turned out to be a very, very steep grass bank to get to the next section of car park. Bad decision.

Got car to the top (not sure how, took some real determination and damage to the chassis) then panicked slightly at the top, when I realised the car was balancing on three tyres and the decline was in fact very, very steep.

Eventually, some builders ended up running across to help me. One was unable to assist too much as he was bent double laughing and telling me over and over how he's never seen anything like it, and how I'd made his year.

You still allowed out on your own?

[NickNick]

I can add the following
Coming off a motorbike in the jungles of Sri Lanka and doing some fairly serious damage to myself, but SWMBO who was on the back didn't have a scratch on her.
Climbing in the Peruvian Andes and the ladder broke sending me down the cliff face a few feet (in some areas, the locals have kindly tied wooden ladders to the cliffs for easier passage)
Same climb, SWMBO fell and started (I thought) heading over the edge, so I dived for her, only for her to stop and me to head over that edge.
Oh and the most painful. I stopped off a bed after changing a lightbulb and stopped on an upturned plug.

[BrianSnail]

Note to self - never lend the car to Mary.

[MaryPoppins]

Post of the day

Yay! Its one of my fave stories that one.

Closely followed by the time I couldn't get my car out of an awkward space so decided to try driving up and over what turned out to be a very, very steep grass bank to get to the next section of car park. Bad decision.

Got car to the top (not sure how, took some real determination and damage to the chassis) then panicked slightly at the top, when I realised the car was balancing on three tyres and the decline was in fact very, very steep.

Eventually, some builders ended up running across to help me. One was unable to assist too much as he was bent double laughing and telling me over and over how he's never seen anything like it, and how I'd made his year.

[sasguru]

I was house sitting for a colleague many years ago, when I lived in Bristol. Discovered a VW fob key late one night while cleaning the kitchen, and wondered idly whether it might belong to the nice shiny Golf VR6 in the street outside. Be rude not to check, I think, and lo - it does!

Standing next to the open car in my jim jam bottoms and a hoody, it felt equally rude not to take it for a quick spin. Ok, yes, technically without permission, but never mind. I end up driving into the centre of Bristol and decided to stop outside the hippodrome to get some fags (in the glorious days I smoked).

I parked in the bus stop outside the newsagents, lock the car and saunter into the shop. Standing in the queue (still in jim jams, classy lady that I am) I suddenly experience a pure bolt of unexplained fear. I abandon the idea of fags and decide to just get the (technically stolen) car back ASAP.

Approaching the car, I press the fob button, only to realise that the back of the entire fob has, well - disappeared. Panic sets in for real as I survey the situation. With no way of opening the car without possibly setting off the alarm and no idea of how to disable that, I was a bit fooked it seemed.

Luckily, a lovely man who was waiting for the night bus took pity on me, and helped look for the back of thefob. Hurrah! He found it! Giddy with joy, I click the fob halves together, gingerly press the button and YESSS, the car opened.

I walk round to the drivers side, and wave my eternal thanks to the lovely chap, who has joined the other people back at the bus stop in watching this charade play out. I open the car door - straight into my face. My mouth, to be precise.

Furious with embarrasment, my initial thought is to GET AWAY from the people now staring open mouthed at me, so I sit down heavily in the drivers seat close the offending door.

As I can sense people actually now bending down to get a better view of me (laughing, obviously) I breath out "fc.uk..." in pain, and blood sprays out of my mouth in an alarming manner, covering the dash and passenger seat. I slam the car into first gear and roar off in horror.

I called the guy I lived with at the time (only in a house share capacity) and tried to tell him I was coming home briefly as I required assistance in locating part of my tooth in the (stolen) vehicle I was driving.

However my impaired speech, coupled with my panic, and the late hour, made him think I was hammered drunk and in some kind of huge trouble. Poor guy looked most baffled when I pulled up in my jim jams, and blood running down my chin.

Post of the day

[MaryPoppins]

I was house sitting for a colleague many years ago, when I lived in Bristol. Discovered a VW fob key late one night while cleaning the kitchen, and wondered idly whether it might belong to the nice shiny Golf VR6 in the street outside. Be rude not to check, I think, and lo - it does!

Standing next to the open car in my jim jam bottoms and a hoody, it felt equally rude not to take it for a quick spin. Ok, yes, technically without permission, but never mind. I end up driving into the centre of Bristol and decided to stop outside the hippodrome to get some fags (in the glorious days I smoked).

I parked in the bus stop outside the newsagents, lock the car and saunter into the shop. Standing in the queue (still in jim jams, classy lady that I am) I suddenly experience a pure bolt of unexplained fear. I abandon the idea of fags and decide to just get the (technically stolen) car back ASAP.

Approaching the car, I press the fob button, only to realise that the back of the entire fob has, well - disappeared. Panic sets in for real as I survey the situation. With no way of opening the car without possibly setting off the alarm and no idea of how to disable that, I was a bit fooked it seemed.

Luckily, a lovely man who was waiting for the night bus took pity on me, and helped look for the back of the fob. Hurrah! He found it! Giddy with joy, I click the fob halves together, gingerly press the button and YESSS, the car opened.

I walk round to the drivers side, and wave my eternal thanks to the lovely chap, who has joined the other people back at the bus stop in watching this charade play out. I open the car door - straight into my face. My mouth, to be precise.

Furious with embarrasment, my initial thought is to GET AWAY from the people now staring open mouthed at me, so I sit down heavily in the drivers seat close the offending door.

As I can sense people actually now bending down to get a better view of me (laughing, obviously) I breath out "fc.uk..." in pain, and blood sprays out of my mouth in an alarming manner, covering the dash and passenger seat. I slam the car into first gear and roar off in horror.

I called the guy I lived with at the time (only in a house share capacity) and tried to tell him I was coming home briefly as I required assistance in locating part of my tooth in the (stolen) vehicle I was driving.

However my impaired speech, coupled with my panic, and the late hour, made him think I was hammered drunk and in some kind of huge trouble. Poor guy looked most baffled when I pulled up in my jim jams, with blood running down my chin.

[BrilloPad]

I suspect my son will be on here later regaling you all with his tale of embedding a rock into a child's head and him being hospitalized....

[EternalOptimist]

dead I presume?

er
he ran out of oxy-gum after the first day

[jmo21]

When I was in the military, some pissed up squaddies put their mate in a locker and started to float it around in the static water tank, He kicked and screamed but they thought it was hilarious.
But he was kicking and screaming because the tiny ventilation holes in the back were letting in the water. A locker with a few inches of water in it gets VERY heavy.
Those tanks are 40 ft deep, it took two days to fish him out

dead I presume?

[EternalOptimist]

When I was in the military, some pissed up squaddies put their mate in a locker and started to float it around in the static water tank, He kicked and screamed but they thought it was hilarious.
But he was kicking and screaming because the tiny ventilation holes in the back were letting in the water. A locker with a few inches of water in it gets VERY heavy.
Those tanks are 40 ft deep, it took two days to fish him out