Recruitment Consultants

[Recruitment Agent]

Did you not consider the implications for hair gel and cheap shiny suit manufacturers and retailers?

When I first got into recruitment and was doing well I used to get my haircut from Tony and Guy as the credit crunch has made me lose my hair I dont need Gel

[DiscoStu]

It is indeed ..in recrutment there is no such thing as a redundancy as they legaly cannot hire another gimp for a low salary in your place.

Did you not consider the implications for hair gel and cheap shiny suit manufacturers and retailers?

[Recruitment Agent]

‘Let people go’

Is that corporate-cackese for ‘sacked people’?

It is indeed ..in recrutment there is no such thing as a redundancy as they legaly cannot hire another gimp for a low salary in your place.

[Mich the Tester]

I wonder if any of those other agents that used to post on here all the time are still in the industry. We have let another 5 peopl go this week

‘Let people go’

Is that corporate-cackese for ‘sacked people’?

[Recruitment Agent]

I wonder if any of those other agents that used to post on here all the time are still in the industry. We have let another 5 peopl go this week

[Mich the Tester]

Are you consulting us on that question?

CUK Consultant

No, I’m asking the panel. You’d charge me otherwise, and that Dodgy Agent would be along wanting a 20% cut and 2 'references'.

[JoJoGabor]

Why are more and more people called ‘consultants’?

Are you consulting us on that question?

CUK Consultant

[NotAllThere]

And those who can't consult end up as partners in PwC India Audit.

[Sysman]

Why are more and more people called ‘consultants’?

Those who can't do, teach.
Those who can't teach, lecture.

Those who can't do either, consult?

[Mich the Tester]

Why are more and more people called ‘consultants’?

[NotAllThere]

Yesterday you were contracting. Today you're permie.

[Recruitment Agent]

There once was a Recruitment Consultant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the Candidates she worked placed. In fact, she made sure that every job she did get them paid the m the best rates.



One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had Recruitment Consultant make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." Said the Recruiter. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."



"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the Recruiter in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and the Recruiter found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow Recruiters that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.



They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The Recruiter was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.


The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven." So the Recruiter spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity." The Recruiter paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the Recruiter went down-down-down back to Hell.



When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the Recruiter. "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled, "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're staff!!"