UK vs Rest of the World joke...

[chris79]

Sounds about right to me. Where's the bit about all the squirrels getting fliped off and jumping on a plane to somewhere nice and sunny, leaving the grasshoppers and cats free to live in their own tulip?

That part didn't happen because the exchange rate was f**ked up and they couldn't afford to do it at the 11th hour.

[ratewhore]

Sounds about right to me. Where's the bit about all the squirrels getting fecked off and jumping on a plane to somewhere nice and sunny, leaving the grasshoppers and cats free to live in their own tulip?

[ChimpMaster]

It is not a joke. It is the sad reality of the state we live in.

A very interesting post it is too.

[Board Game Geek]

It's satire and the rules clearly indicate that comedy posts go to "Light Relief".

[GreenerGrass]

Why is this not in light relief? Or at the end of the joke thread?

No, this forum is it's rightful place.

[chris79]

Because I posted it in General.

[BrilloPad]

Why is this not in light relief? Or at the end of the joke thread?

[chris79]

> REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
> cold.
>
> THE END
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> THE U.K. VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
> conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
> warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
> cold and starving.
>
> The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
> with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
> table laden with food.
>
> The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
> country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so,
> while others have plenty.
>
> The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council
> of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
>
> The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
> breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall
> overcome'.
>
> Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
> squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
> immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and
> increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
> Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
> the beginning of the summer.
>
> The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
>
> He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
> builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to
> work.
>
> The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
> furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
> socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
> more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
> imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
> building a new home.
>
> The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
> temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
> to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On
> arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent
> love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
> and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police
> fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
>
> Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned,
> because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats
> devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
>
> A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
> squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council
> house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
> maintain the house.
>
> He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed
> for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
> arrival in UK.
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
> to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
> immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
>
> He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
> supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
> botched robbery.
>
> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state
> the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> increased.
>
> The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain's
> multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for
> failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
> blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
> of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
> prison.
>
> They call for the resignation of a government minister.
>
> The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
> infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
> the United Kingdom.
>
> The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
> the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
> their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for
> law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
> because of a shortfall in government funds.
>
> THE END