If all else fails…

[PAH]

So if the market stays really tulipe, I think I’ll be quite good at debt collecting. ‘Sir, if you don’t open the door, I will open it, and you will need a new door’.

Except that's illegal. I'm sure debt collectors play by the rules.

[Mich the Tester]

Don't worry the met'll sort him out soon...

They'll have a bloody fight on their hands.

[Mich the Tester]

Mich,
this "testing" that you do for a living. Nothing delicate I hope?

No, I have an innate talent for finding weaknesses in things, especially tulip software.

[Advocate]

I could become a bailiff. Yesterday I won my third fight with a security door or gate in the last 12 months.

The whizzy-whirly door at the exit of the office, where you have to hold up your pass to get out, caught against my suitcase and shot back at me, clamping my toe underneath the door with such force as to damage my shoe and rip the skin away from above my toenail. As the door continued to push against my foot, I was in considerable pain. Using my 16 stone weight and rugby training, I then dropped my shoulder and rammed the bloody door to get it off my foot. The door spun open with a loud cracking noise and the rest of the door hit my back. The security ape at reception saw this and immediately started ranting at me for breaking his door. Luckily, the Chief Financial Officer happened to be in the lobby and saw this happen, and said to the security ape, in his most eloquent manner, ‘**** the door, what about his foot?’ I then swapped details with the CFO as he offered to reimburse the cost of my shoes, which he saw were fairly costly. So, I’ve lost a bit of skin but got a new pair of 300 euro shoes, in return for breaking a 7500 euro security door. Mich 1, Security Doors 0.

Two earlier experiences; on a trip to Madrid by train we had to cross Paris by metro. The stupid security gates at the metro are so designed that it’s bloody impossible to get through while carrying baggage. Having watched with rising fury as my girlfriend was clamped in by the gate, but managed to slip through, the damn thing then clamped me and smashed into my ribs. I gave it a good ram, and it flew open with a noisy clunk. Mich 2, Security Doors 0. I ran for the metro and got away quickly. At my last client, another whirly-door incident led to me shoving the door off it’s hinges as my umbrella got trapped and the door shot back and hit my face. Mich 3, Security Doors 0.

So if the market stays really tulipe, I think I’ll be quite good at debt collecting. ‘Sir, if you don’t open the door, I will open it, and you will need a new door’.

Don't worry the met'll sort him out soon...

[shaunbhoy]

Mich,
this "testing" that you do for a living. Nothing delicate I hope?

[Doggy Styles]

but I don't think you should call your girlfriend as "noisy clunk".

But it describes mine! One-nil to you, NotAllThere!

[Xenophon]

You still use a suitcase!!

Hehe. I clocked that too.

[TimberWolf]

You still use a suitcase!!

Battering ram.

[Badger]

You still use a suitcase!!

[Platypus]

You might need to forget those years of rugby training when using doors.

And eat less

[Board Game Geek]

Mich ate all the pies

[TimberWolf]

You might need to forget those years of rugby training when using doors.

[Xenophon]

Is the issue here the doors or is it your inability to pass through them without getting stuck?

[NotAllThere]

...Two earlier experiences; on a trip to Madrid by train we had to cross Paris by metro. The stupid security gates at the metro are so designed that it’s bloody impossible to get through while carrying baggage. Having watched with rising fury as my girlfriend was clamped in by the gate, but managed to slip through, the damn thing then clamped me and smashed into my ribs. I gave it a good ram, and it flew open with a noisy clunk. Mich 2, Security Doors 0. I ran for the metro and got away quickly. ...

as my girlfriend was clamped in by the gate, I managed to slip in and gave her a good ram

but I don't think you should call your girlfriend as "noisy clunk".

[Mich the Tester]

I could become a bailiff. Yesterday I won my third fight with a security door or gate in the last 12 months.

The whizzy-whirly door at the exit of the office, where you have to hold up your pass to get out, caught against my suitcase and shot back at me, clamping my toe underneath the door with such force as to damage my shoe and rip the skin away from above my toenail. As the door continued to push against my foot, I was in considerable pain. Using my 16 stone weight and rugby training, I then dropped my shoulder and rammed the bloody door to get it off my foot. The door spun open with a loud cracking noise and the rest of the door hit my back. The security ape at reception saw this and immediately started ranting at me for breaking his door. Luckily, the Chief Financial Officer happened to be in the lobby and saw this happen, and said to the security ape, in his most eloquent manner, ‘**** the door, what about his foot?’ I then swapped details with the CFO as he offered to reimburse the cost of my shoes, which he saw were fairly costly. So, I’ve lost a bit of skin but got a new pair of 300 euro shoes, in return for breaking a 7500 euro security door. Mich 1, Security Doors 0.

Two earlier experiences; on a trip to Madrid by train we had to cross Paris by metro. The stupid security gates at the metro are so designed that it’s bloody impossible to get through while carrying baggage. Having watched with rising fury as my girlfriend was clamped in by the gate, but managed to slip through, the damn thing then clamped me and smashed into my ribs. I gave it a good ram, and it flew open with a noisy clunk. Mich 2, Security Doors 0. I ran for the metro and got away quickly. At my last client, another whirly-door incident led to me shoving the door off it’s hinges as my umbrella got trapped and the door shot back and hit my face. Mich 3, Security Doors 0.

So if the market stays really tulipe, I think I’ll be quite good at debt collecting. ‘Sir, if you don’t open the door, I will open it, and you will need a new door’.