Dirty old bugger

[BrilloPad]

[basshead]

[NotAllThere]

...equipment, maintaining underground cables, billing solenoids and erecting and wiring overground poles....

typical contractor - one track mind.

[DS23]

good old eo always handy to regale us with tails about pots to piss in.

[EternalOptimist]

After leaving school, I did one of those government training schemes for a year then got a proper job. I got fixed up with BT or the GPO as it was then known as a telecommunications engineer.

In those days that meant you spent three years covering every aspect of the telecomms arena. I became adept at installing domestic phones, business switchboards, maintaining exchange equipment, maintaining underground cables, billing solenoids and erecting and wiring overground poles.

For each area we were put into a team as an apprentice, and this was supplemented by a lot of college work. One of my first gaffers was installing phones and maintaining underground cabling. One day we had the little red and white striped tent over the manhole and he says to me, 'listen, I want you to keep watch. If you see any birds coming along I want you to cough, if you see any blue meanies, shout my name'

He had set the pathway barriers up so that pedestrians had to walk right next to the tent, then he had pulled the tent back so there was a half inch gap if you looked up. Everytime I coughed he would stop work and look up the birds mini-skirts with his saus in his hand. Dirty old bugger.

Mind you, he wasn't really that old, probably 35-40, but to a seventeen year old, thats ancient. He was unusual in other ways too, he had an ear-ring and a tattoo on his ear, which was unheard of. In those days if you wanted to see the tattooed man or the fat lady you didnt walk down the high street, you went to a circus. He got the sack in the end because he was moonlighting on the taxis and got caught.

One winter I was putting up a set of telegraph poles across miles and miles of open country. It was bitterly cold. As the apprentice I had one big advantage, I could have an extra ten minutes in the wagon, to get the kettle on, at tea breaks and dinner. The foreman and the lads would then sit around , drink the tea and have turns warming their hands on the kettle, which was always overfilled for the purpose.

My other duty, not so good, was to make sure the p1ss pot was handy. This was like a large crystalline-encrusted, yellow-stained old wok. The idea was that the guys could pee in it then get the apprentice to take it outside to throw ithe contents away.

One day, we got a new and younger apprentice. From now on I was one of the men, no more long tea breaks but no more wok-duties either. I showed the new guy the ropes, kettle, p1ss-pot, tea, sugar, milk, ladders etc then we went back to the poles. Dinner time comes, apprentice shimmies into the wagon, we all pile in ten minutes later. Boy was this guy rubbish. It was the worst tea I had ever tasted. The foreman reached over and grabbed the kettle to warm his hands. 'Why is this kettle cold ?'


We looked at the apprentice, he went red. He looked at the p1ss pot wok. We looked at the p1ss pot wok.
P1ss pot wok was steaming.
We all piled out of the wagon to have a quick retch


I was the apprentice again the next day