Reply to: Holiday in Egypt

[threaded]

Holiday in Egypt

You should have done it as a poll. I'd vote for to go.

[Lucifer Box]

You mean you and the guy with the shorts, right?

Nah, no roller blading allowed on ancient monuments.

[Crazyhorse]

Given the reason I started this thread I probably shouldn't post this one, but what the hell, having a sense of humour is probably the biggest difference between us and the lunatics.

In the year 2032, a man and his son are walking through a highly built-up Manhattan when they come across an empty space and the father stops to reflect for a while.
"Imagine son," the father says "exactly 31 years ago the great twin towers stood proudly in this area".
Intrigued by the comment the son then asks "what were the twin towers dad?"
To which the father replies "they were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but in 2001they were
destroyed by Arabs."
The son pauses for a while and then asks "what were Arabs dad?????"

[DimPrawn]

Two pregnant blondes sitting in the waiting room of hospital for a check-up.

Both a busily knitting baby garments.

One turns to the other, smiles and says:

"I hope mines a boy" and points to all the blue wool she has with her.

The other turns, looking a little confused and says

"I hope mines a spastic, I ****ed the arms up".

[Crazyhorse]

Thanks dp, that one's going in my collection.

An American man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer", she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African Americans men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish decent."

Suddenly, the women becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto" the man says as he extends his hand. "Tonto Goldstein."

[EternalOptimist]

How did the doctor arrive at that diagnosis ? sounds a bit dodgy to me. Name wasnt Meadow was it ? or Shipman. my wife looks like the back end of a bus are you saying I shouldnt sh@g her?

[DimPrawn]

Bloke goes into a chemists and says

"Can you help me, I think I'm a moth"
Chemist says "I don't think we have anything, sounds like a mental problem, you should speak to a doctor."
Bloke says "Yeah I know, that's what they told me".
Chemist says "So why did you come in?"
Bloke says "Your light was on".

[Crazyhorse]

Yes I've seen page three but I'm still waiting for the joke.

This is a joke

man goes to doctor
Man: 'there's something wrong with my wife- she's acting ver strangely'
doctor says 'could be altzheimers or aids'
Man : 'how will i know the difference?'
Doctor: put her on a bus- if she comes back, don't sh@g her!'

[EternalOptimist]

try page 3 mad donkey

[Crazyhorse]

does anyone want to hear my camel joke ?

We're still waiting

[EternalOptimist]

Lawrence of Arabia gets a note from the foreign office – ‘Attack Akabar’ . So he checks his maps and sees that its 300 miles across the sandy desert. ‘Its not possible’ – he says to the team, ‘a camel can only do 200 miles without water’.
‘Not true’ says Abdul, ‘meet me at the Oasis tomorrow at dawn and I will show you’

So Abdul turns up at dawn leading a camel and holding a tent peg. He knocks the tent peg into the ground and ties the camel so its mouth is in the water. Abdul then goes round the back of the camel and pulls its b*llocks from between its legs.

Abdul starts searching the ground till he finds two large round stones then runs up behind the camel

‘WHACK’
‘SLUUURRRPPP’

‘F*ck me !’ shouts Lawrence ‘doesn’t that hurt?’

‘Only if you get your thumbs caught’

[EternalOptimist]

spit it out ?

you've already heard it then

[Crazyhorse]

does anyone want to hear my camel joke ?

Go on , spit it out

[EternalOptimist]

does anyone want to hear my camel joke ?

[Crazyhorse]

If your tour takes you to the temple of Hatshepsut, you will have plenty of opportunity to see the bloodstains where all those tourists were gunned down in 1997. They can't clean them off because it would damage the frescos. Mind you, the security guards nowadays pretty much out number the tourists.

It'll probably be small beer for my lad considering the PC games he plays! There's a thought, is there anyway of increasing your HP before you go?