• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Reply to: Chronic Flatulence

Collapse

You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

  • You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
  • You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
  • If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

Previously on "Chronic Flatulence"

Collapse

  • EternalOptimist
    replied
    gimme five

    Sandy
    five in the head, but the first one goes in the mouth.

    If you or your DDs ever fart near me you get it in the mouth

    Leave a comment:


  • SandyDown
    replied
    Originally posted by WageSlave
    What's the best way of dealing with an office farter? I've narrowed it down to two prime suspects. All I know for certain is that someone arrives at work each morning with a very bad gut


    Ok once you've identified the exact source, what would you do? confront the suspect (five bullets in the head should work)??

    Leave a comment:


  • hyperD
    replied
    Originally posted by WageSlave
    What's the best way of dealing with an office farter? I've narrowed it down to two prime suspects. All I know for certain is that someone arrives at work each morning with a very bad gut
    A good wheeze is to aquire a CO/gas detection handheld kit (often found in refineries or chemical plants). Simply placed said device on your desk and when culprit drops his guts, the device will alarm loudly for the whole office to hear. To further embarrass said farter, pick up the device and follow the source of the gas and saying the level readings aloud while you walk.

    I've actually seen one of these devices go off when someone dropped their guts while another refinery engineer was following him up some steps.

    Hours of amusment to see who can achive the highest gas reading during those very quiet night shifts.

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalOptimist
    replied
    try triangulation

    Move position around the office on different days and attempt to triangulate the culprit that way. The only problem is that THEY will then know who the tw@t is with the smelly feet

    Leave a comment:


  • SupremeSpod
    replied
    Originally posted by WageSlave
    Had a private office with my previous client. Made up for no Internet access. Also handy for sleeping... of which I did plenty.
    That's my boy!

    Leave a comment:


  • WageSlave
    replied
    Originally posted by SupremeSpod
    Work clever and get an office of your own.

    Spod - in "Threaded" mode!
    Had a private office with my previous client. Made up for no Internet access. Also handy for sleeping... of which I did plenty.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lucifer Box
    replied
    Originally posted by WageSlave
    What's the best way of dealing with an office farter? I've narrowed it down to two prime suspects. All I know for certain is that someone arrives at work each morning with a very bad gut
    Crumble a charcoal biscuit into his coffee.

    Leave a comment:


  • SupremeSpod
    replied
    Originally posted by WageSlave
    What's the best way of dealing with an office farter? I've narrowed it down to two prime suspects. All I know for certain is that someone arrives at work each morning with a very bad gut
    Work clever and get an office of your own.

    Spod - in "Threaded" mode!

    Leave a comment:


  • privateeye
    replied
    Talcum Power

    Rub some talcum powder/flour on the suspects chair its will soon be obvious

    Leave a comment:


  • WageSlave
    started a topic Chronic Flatulence

    Chronic Flatulence

    What's the best way of dealing with an office farter? I've narrowed it down to two prime suspects. All I know for certain is that someone arrives at work each morning with a very bad gut

Working...
X