Reply to: Bernard Manning - RIP

[King Cnvt]

Bloke phones his missus as she's driving down the motorway. "I heard on the radio that some nutter is driving down the M25 the wrong way, be careful darling".

"One nutter?" She says. "There's 100's of them!"

[Troll]

Some Manning jokes

Quasimodo returned home after a hard days bell-ringing at Notre Damm. On arriving indoors he noticed the wok was on the kitchen table."Oh good, are we having Chinese for dinner?" Quasi asked his wife. "No",she replied, "I'm going to iron you a shirt".

A blind man goes into Lewis’s.
An assistant spots him standing in the middle of the ground floor swinging his guide dog around by its lead above his head.
The assistant says ‘Can I help you sir?’
The man replies: ‘No thanks. Just looking round.’

Went down to (Manchester) City the other day & a bloke asked me how to get into the ground.
"You go round the corner & theres two queues- a big one & a little one.
Dont get in the big one-thats for the chippy"

Richard Branson was asked to take over Manchester City football team. He said, "I couldn't do that. I couldn't have Virgin on the shirts of a team that gets ****** every week!"

Two cows standing in a field, one says to the other 'have you heard about this mad cow disease', the other cow replies, 'it doesn't affect me i'm a duck'

Quasimodo goes into a pub. "Scotch whiskey, please." Barman says: "Bells alright?". Quasimodo says "Mind your own f***ing business."

A woman asks her husband for £3000 for a boob job. £3000 ? you must be ******ing joking he said, get a folded up piece of toilet paper & keep rubbing it up & down your cleavage. Will that make my boobs bigger she asks. Why not says he - it works well enough on your arse

There's a blind guy waiting at the traffic lights, when his guide dog suddenly pees on his leg.
The blind man reaches into his pocket for a dog-biscuit, which he then gives the guide dog.
Another man standing nearby sees this, and says to the blind man, "I think that's wonderful - the dog peed on your leg, but you still gave him a biscuit."
"Yeah, well I was just trying to find where his mouth is so I can kick him in the boll***s!"

[Churchill]

As part of my "fine upstanding pillar of the community" alter ego I had the pleasure of meeting Bernard Manning and his son on numerous occasions.

They have both given their time for free and never failed to support the charities involved financially.

He will be sadly missed.

[DaveB]

I am starting to suspect that CD is none other than AJP....

Anyone seen the old tosser recently?

[Causus Deli]

This just about sums up the PC brigade, Good old Catalin Moron

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc0OO...elated&search=

Their brain is software
Their brain is Game Boy
It's filled with excretement
And their short-term memory
Will fleetingly remember
Our gentlemen's, gentlemen's agreement

[Numptycorner]

This just about sums up the PC brigade, Good old Catalin Moron

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc0OO...elated&search=

[Causus Deli]

Aha, so you are a guardian journalist on a trolling exercise?

Trolling is deliberate annoyance, to do that I do not need to write at length as I do on matters of such national importance. I think you will find those attributes are more akin to SASguru's.

I am please to see that BM is in general receiving comments befitting a great comic herein.

[Rantor]

The likes of me, you haven't a clue mate.

Aha, so you are a guardian journalist on a trolling exercise?

[EternalOptimist]

I remember a story where he was doing a stand up gig at a Northern club.
A guy gets up and heads for the bogs, BM says 'eh you, where the **** are you going'
'I'm going for a p1ss before the comedian comes on'

BM had a bottle of champagne sent over

[Causus Deli]

Oh come on CD - you know you're worthy of a "the likes of you" comment

That's a nice little cuddle, thanks Sal. Big Kiss.

[KentPhilip]

Well when they cremate him they'll hope that he'll "burn hard". With all that fat on him they'll be able to keep the building warm for weeks.

That is if they can find an oven big enough to squeeze in his fat derriere


But seriously Bernard was a genius, and by all accounts a very nice bloke.

Rest in Peace Bernard!

[wendigo100]

Funny bloke. I've just read his obituary - the one he wrote himself a month ago!

[SallyAnne]

The likes of me, you haven't a clue mate.

Oh come on CD - you know you're worthy of a "the likes of you" comment

[Causus Deli]

Is nothing sacred - what has the world come to when the likes of you are quoting QOTSA songs

The likes of me, you haven't a clue mate.

[SallyAnne]

Funny bloke, although he went a little OTT sometimes

I was talking about the Bernard Manning who used to post on here