Some neighbours of mine had problems with the estate they were living and had a meeting with the council (I know, I know, but these were not Chavs). The night before I was having a chat with some of them and I said, “If you hear them saying ‘We hear what you are saying and we take it on board’, then you’ll know that they will totally ignore you and the meeting was just a way of shutting you up for a bit”.
Turns out it was exactly the words that were used. Apparently, as soon as he said it there was a big laugh from the people who I was talking to and one of them shouted “That F..ing Bulls ..t” and the meeting nearly ended up in a fight. Anyway, they got there problem solved (repairs and cleaning).
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Not so much management speak, but I hate being asked to touch base. Of course there is never a suitable window in my diary
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Management speak
I've heard some classics in my time, and some that have downright baffled me (and I'm sure other people in the meeting). Today we were asked to
"lift the kimono"
on the software, but in the past I've been asked if we can
"salami slice the proposition",
"run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it",
and of course make sure that the team is
"all singing from the same hymn sheet"
Any other readers got any more nonsense corkers like these to add?
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