Friday Poetry Corner

[LondonManc]

There once was a nympho called Jill,
Who used dynamite once for a thrill;
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her tits in the sea off Brazil.

[LondonManc]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
He had a dick so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a **** I would **** it.

[LondonManc]

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
Has rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

[AlfredJPruffock]

The Boring old man of the Board

There was a boring old man from this Board
Who was inclined several Toilet Rolls to Hoard
When asked of their Function
He replied sans Compunction
That curmudgeonous Old Man of this Board

"Now you know what the toilet paper was for ..." Frankie Boyle on Pornhubs decison to grant free access to their primier service for Italy

[ladymuck]

Is that Crowborough?

Dunno, haven't been there for years. Last I knew it didn't have giraffe

[WTFH]

I tried to think of something witty
A verse to make you laugh
But all you get is this rubbish ditty
And this picture of a giraffe

Is that Crowborough?

[ladymuck]

I tried to think of something witty
A verse to make you laugh
But all you get is this rubbish ditty
And this picture of a giraffe

[WTFH]

I hold your hand in mine - T Lehrer

I hold your hand in mine, dear
I press it to my lips
I take a healthy bite from
Your lovely fingertips

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here
But still I keep your hand
As a lovely souvenir

The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie

I'm sorry now I killed you
For our love was something fine
Until they come to get me
I shall hold your hand in mine

[Old Greg]

There once was a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Within half an hour
His cock was a flower
And his balls were covered in weeds
.

There was an old abbess of Bicester,
Who strapped a courgette on a Sister,
Who buggered a Brother,
While felching the Mother
And getting the Bishop to fist 'er.

[LondonManc]

There once was a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Within half an hour
His cock was a flower
And his balls were covered in weeds
.

[Old Greg]

For those of you who like arranging things alphabetically (you know who you are)

The Siege of Belgrade


AN Austrian army, awfully arrayed,
Boldly by battery besieged Belgrade.
Cossack commanders cannonading come,
Dealing destruction's devastating doom.
Every endeavor engineers essay,
For fame, for fortune fighting - furious fray!
Generals 'gainst generals grapple - gracious God!
How honors Heaven heroic hardihood!
Infuriate, indiscrminate in ill,
Kindred kill kinsmen, kinsmen kindred kill.
Labor low levels longest, lofiest lines;
Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid moles, ' mid murderous mines;
Now noxious, noisey numbers nothing, naught
Of outward obstacles, opposing ought;
Poor patriots, partly purchased, partly pressed,
Quite quaking, quickly "Quarter! Quarter!" quest.
Reason returns, religious right redounds,
Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds.
Truce to thee, Turkey! Triumph to thy train,
Unwise, unjust, unmerciful Ukraine!
Vanish vain victory! vanish, victory vain!
Why wish we warfare? Wherefore welcome were
Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xavier?
Yield, yield, ye youths! ye yeomen, yield your yell!
Zeus', Zarpater's, Zoroaster's zeal,
Attracting all, arms against acts appeal!

[LondonManc]

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His pockets full of crackers.
One went off to his surprise,
And blew off both his knackers.....

[AlfredJPruffock]

So Farewell
Then Kenny Rodgers
You picked a fine Time
To Leave us

I guess you knew
When to hold 'em
And then to fold 'em

Now in these
Terrible Times
We are all Islands
In the stream

E.J. Thribb (17.5 rpm)