Reply to: Are Suitcases Tax Deductable

[greenlake]

I want to chop up a permie who is f**king annoying and bury him in it.

Just one person?

I'd need a suitcase like this....

[BrilloPad]

It's allowed but not a good idea.


After chopping up your permie, borrow a friend's chocolate Labrador and feed the meat to the dog (you may need a Volvo for this) and the bones to pigs. Gloucester Old Spots would be my choice.
When the pigs go off to slaughter, feed their meat to the dog as well.


Now comes the clever bit... get a friend to take the dog for a walk past where the permie used to live, and make sure it craps on grass near the house (front lawn is best). That way if CSI ever try to piece the story together, the guy's DNA is in the area, but in dog crap, so they'll assume that a dog has found the body and eaten it.


If you time it right (i.e. a week before the pigs go to slaughter), the complete turn around can be as little as 22 days (as long as you've booked the abattoir and one of the pigs isn't underweight and the dog doesn't get the runs when it's eating the brain).




Although, I can't say I've ever given it too much thought.

I don't have friends! Can I buy a dog? And is that tax deductible?

[MrMarkyMark]

You know that thing when a chocolate lab looks up at you with his big brown eyes and begs you for food?




...that's when you know you don't need a suitcase.

I can assure you they don't have to be a chocolate colour, the gold ones are the same.

The only dog I have had that would, always, enthusiastically eat his own sick

[FatLazyContractor]

You know that thing when a chocolate lab looks up at you with his big brown eyes and begs you for food?




...that's when you know you don't need a suitcase.

Does he look like a killer? mad

[WTFH]

You know that thing when a chocolate lab looks up at you with his big brown eyes and begs you for food?




...that's when you know you don't need a suitcase.

[MrMarkyMark]

Suity was never 6ft 2in, I'd guess he was closer to 5ft 10.

MF, then?

[barrydidit]

Suity was never 6ft 2in, I'd guess he was closer to 5ft 10.

His belt length?

[WTFH]

Both MF and Suity have not been seen for a while

Suity was never 6ft 2in, I'd guess he was closer to 5ft 10.

[SlipTheJab]

It's allowed but not a good idea.


After chopping up your permie, borrow a friend's chocolate Labrador and feed the meat to the dog (you may need a Volvo for this) and the bones to pigs. Gloucester Old Spots would be my choice.
When the pigs go off to slaughter, feed their meat to the dog as well.


Now comes the clever bit... get a friend to take the dog for a walk past where the permie used to live, and make sure it craps on grass near the house (front lawn is best). That way if CSI ever try to piece the story together, the guy's DNA is in the area, but in dog crap, so they'll assume that a dog has found the body and eaten it.


If you time it right (i.e. a week before the pigs go to slaughter), the complete turn around can be as little as 22 days (as long as you've booked the abattoir and one of the pigs isn't underweight and the dog doesn't get the runs when it's eating the brain).




Although, I can't say I've ever given it too much thought.

Are you the canine version of...

[MrMarkyMark]

I'm just guessing here, mind.

Are you sure

A chocolate Lab might manage a 6ft 2in, slightly overweight human male in about 4 hours..

Both MF and Suity have not been seen for a while

[tomtomagain]

I wish to buy one to use wholly and exclusively for business. I want to chop up a permie who is f**king annoying and bury him in it.

Will this be allowed?

Don't forget to claim for a new axe.

[WTFH]

Getting a big dog, mind, should have no problem getting through a body.
Likely to produce a big, durable, dump for the DNA part of the operation too.

You'd think so, but you'd probably not be right.


A mastiff will take a good 2-3 days to eat a 5ft 10in human male, and the dog may leave a few bits she doesn't like the taste of.
A chocolate Lab might manage a 6ft 2in, slightly overweight human male in about 4 hours. Just make sure his water bowl is full. And you may need to refill it a couple of times.


I'm just guessing here, mind.

[barrydidit]

MP has neither got a dog nor a car yet

Sounds like MaryPoppins is going to be in the ideal position to help with both of those soon enough

[OwlHoot]

I wish to buy one to use wholly and exclusively for business. I want to chop up a permie who is f**king annoying and bury him in it.

Will this be allowed?

Sounds personal to me. Doesn't that mean it would be a benefit in kind?

[MrMarkyMark]

MP has neither got a dog nor a car yet

Getting a big dog, mind, should have no problem getting through a body.
Likely to produce a big, durable, dump for the DNA part of the operation too.