The secret to my success

[NibblyPig]

Haha oh dear. Stones and glass houses.

[vetran]

Prue Leith


Its cilck bait Brick again.

We kissed that evening. Instead of brushing it off as a daft office party moment, I was hooked. Did I think about his wife? Of course. But I was arguably too young and lacking in the wisdom and integrity that comes with putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

I didn't even ponder about the hurt it would cause her if she found out. My rationale was that if her husband was cheating on her, that had nothing to do with me.

Frustratingly, it took another month for us to arrange a rendezvous at my home. It had to be a night when my flatmate wasn't in, when he could spare an evening without his wife being suspicious. I just put my life on hold until he could find time for us.

Of course, I should say the first time we made love the earth moved - but it didn't. It was rather rapid and perfunctory. He had to return home, leaving zero chance of me falling asleep in his arms, let alone waking up together. Far from feeling special, tawdriness washed over me.

There are rules you follow when you become a mistress. During our first year together any acknowledgement of each other in the office was off limits. Instead we would meet when his life allowed us to do so. After work, in bars well out of the way, or on location filming together.

Still, it wasn't all seedy. As I went off and freelanced, he gave me advice on who to work for, how to negotiate a pay rise, even how to dress in front of male colleagues. While he wasn't in a position to promote or favour me - his advice and wisdom undoubtedly gave my career an ongoing boost.

But, as time went on, I knew what I was doing was wrong. And my greatest regret is my mum finding out. I come from a staunchly working-class home where family is sacrosanct.

By then he and I had been seeing each other for two years. We spent the night in a posh boutique hotel for my birthday. It was the first time we'd stayed together for an entire night. It was funny, romantic and quite simply a heavenly celebration. I soon forgot all those nights I spent on my own.
......
He was hardly devastated - just terrified at what I might reveal. I left the relationship undoubtedly older, wiser but very much alone.

Ironically, some six years later, we met for dinner. We were both single - his marriage had ended a year previously. He said they'd 'grown apart'. And he asked if I would like to try again - this time as a proper couple.

I turned him down flat. Although I realised there would always be that 21-year-old me who would continue to idolise and love him, there was a cynical and world-weary new me that knew I would never be able to trust him.

For if he was unfaithful to his successful, beautiful first wife, there was always the chance he'd cheat on me. I'd finally realised I deserved better.