Reply to: 48 ways permies can be as wealthy as contractors (pt2)

[hyperD]

Cross posted or not Hyper, some of that is superb, I am nearly crying, trying not to laugh in my quiet office full of permies.

Glad to be of service, sir!

[lukemg]

'save money on binoculars, by simply moving closer to the object you want to see'

[lukemg]

Cross posted or not Hyper, some of that is superb, I am nearly crying, trying not to laugh in my quiet office full of permies.

[hyperD]

Thanks for that Jacko - it's the 24/7 working getting to me. And the second bottle of Veuve Clicquot...

[cojak]

*Quietly hides the Irn Bru bottles, clears away the empty crisp packets, sweeps the white powder of the cistern and steels oneself to coax HyperD down from the curtain rails....*

[hyperD]

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

Chris Scaife, Jesmond

[hyperD]

HOW come in the adverts, a McDonald's Big Mac looks as tall as one of the twin towers (when it was still standing, of course), yet when you get one they're as squashed as my gran's tits?

Big Mick, High Wycomb

[hyperD]

IT'S uncanny how some of these old sayings are true. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', said my wife as she waved goodbye to me on the way to spend a month with her mother. Since then I have grown quite fond of my next door neighbour. I actually gave her one on the living room carpet this morning.

Christopher Hampshire, Bristol

[hyperD]

They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School Anal that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.

Mark Roberts

[hyperD]

COULD the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa.

Les Barnsley, Barnsley

[hyperD]

I HAVE recently started to masturbate whilst fantasising about Jeanette Krankie. My problem is that I cannot work out whether I am gay, straight or a paedophile. What do your readers think?

D Barclay

[hyperD]

You often hear that "blood is thicker than water". Well I've got both of them coming out of my arse at the moment, and to be perfectly honest I can't feel any difference.

Ron Lilycropp

[hyperD]

"When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nuthin' else" crooned Percy Sledge during the summer of 1966. I would have to disagree, as during sexual intercourse with my wife I routinely think about our next door neighbour Brenda and her border collie.

David Thompson

[hyperD]

The Ocean Finance advert say 'When you're in the worst situation you can imagine, call Ocean Finance.' So when I was kidnapped by Islamic Fundamentalist terrorists in Iraq recently, I gave them a call. To their credit, they swiftly arranged my release, had me and my family repatriated to Britain and combined all my debts into one easy to manage monthly payment. Well done Ocean Finance.

Robbie Knox, Ealing

[hyperD]

Yesterday in my local TKMAXX, I went into the household bit and saw a non-stick frying pan with a price sticker on it. Who the fuck are they trying to kid?

Graham Wilson