TGIF - List of 10

[darmstadt]

10 things you didn't know about ecology and the like.
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1. The Green Party are called the 'Greens'. 'cos they know sod all
about politics.

2. Green activist Mike Keeny ensured that he was returned to nature
by having himself buried in his own compost heap. Interviewed
around the time his left arm fell off he said, 'I've never felt
so degraded in all my life'.

3. Eco washing up liquid leaves most of the food on your plate and
ensures the growth of rare and interesting bacteria, like botulism.

4. Acid rain is a let down once you've tried ecstasy.

5. The word 'Natural' on a food packet means that it is twice as
expensive as everything else on the same shelf.

6. Real ale is ecologically sound because it contains no chemicals
and therefore causes only natural damage to your brain, liver and
kidneys.

7. The lingering fallout from Chernobyl was responsible for the
slump in the form of the normally invincible Welsh rugby team.

8. The words 'Environmentally Friendly' on a product means that it
doesn't work anywhere near as good as the stuff you used to buy.

9. John Barnes was once voted the top 'Eco Player' in the England
team. It was revealed that his refusal to run around in an England
shirt saved the lives of thousands of blades of grass.

10. Recycled toilet paper is a sham. If it had been used before there
would be lots of smelly bits on it.

[Jabberwocky]

10 Reasons Never to Wash
Humour that makes a point

Author Unknown

I was forced to wash as a child.
People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than others.
There are so many different kinds of soap that I can't decide which is the right one.
I used to wash, but it got boring.
I wash, but only on Christmas or Easter.
None of my friends wash.
I will start washing when I'm older.
I really don't have time.
The bathroom isn't warm enough.
People who make soap are only after your money

Well fu*k me, I just started praying and I am now a Christian. All those posts paid off and now I am full of religious hatred for all non-believers. We need to
kill these people chicobot, if they don't believe then pulp them and feed them to pigs.

[darmstadt]

10 Better things to do on Election Day

(1) Dream
(2) Play
(3) Sleep
(4) Read
(5) Write
(6) Love
(7) Listen
(8) Talk
(9) Walk
(10) Stop business as usual for the Empire

[Pondlife]

10 Reasons Never to Wash
Humour that makes a point

Author Unknown

I was forced to wash as a child.
People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than others.
There are so many different kinds of soap that I can't decide which is the right one.
I used to wash, but it got boring.
I wash, but only on Christmas or Easter.
None of my friends wash.
I will start washing when I'm older.
I really don't have time.
The bathroom isn't warm enough.
People who make soap are only after your money

Yawn... Now replace wash with w@nk and soap with porn and read again.

[CaribbeanPirate]

I use about 6 of those reasons.

[Chico]

10 Reasons Never to Wash
Humour that makes a point

Author Unknown

I was forced to wash as a child.
People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than others.
There are so many different kinds of soap that I can't decide which is the right one.
I used to wash, but it got boring.
I wash, but only on Christmas or Easter.
None of my friends wash.
I will start washing when I'm older.
I really don't have time.
The bathroom isn't warm enough.
People who make soap are only after your money

[darmstadt]

10 Reasons why NOT to vote...

(1) If voting could change anything it would be illegal
(2) Voting only encourages power seekers
(3) Voting is one of the few official acts that is not required
(4) "The voter is a man who comes when he is summoned one day like a flunky, to one whistles for him as a dog trained to obey, who comes on said day only and not on any other day." Parel Javal
(5) Picling one's rulers is humiliating
(6) Voting means you consent to being ruled
(7) Voting for even 'the lesser of two evils' still means voting for evil, (or the evil of two lessers)
(8) No matter who you vote for, government always wins
(9) The police can never be voted out of office
(10) Voting means business as usual for the Empire

[Andyw]

No it doesn't

Look up 'Lighting leaders'

[darmstadt]

10 things you never knew about lists of stuff.
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1. They are clearly written by someone who knows everything. This proves
they are a direct communication from God.

2. Repent sinners.

3. They are so quick to read that you never take them in and so you
still don't know the stuff you never knew, sort of thing.

4. They are scanned, not read, and therefore ideal for subliminal
messages -- vote Tory.

5. The word 'Testicles' doesn't appear in such lists very often.

6. It only appeared here because I'm trying to fill space, testicles,
testicles, testicles.

7. Filling space is the main function of such lists because there is
always plenty of space around them.

8. Saddam Hussein promised his people the 'mother of all lists'

9. When they got it, it read 'Sugar Puffs, Bic Razors, components for
chemical weapons, tanks, 20 cigarettes'.

10. Dennis Law played for both Manchester United and Manchester City.

[MrsGoof]

3. There are 8.5 million lightning strikes on Earth every single day, (p.s. a bolt of lightning always hits the highest point.)

No it doesn't

[darmstadt]

10 things you'd rather not know about flying
--------------------------------------------

1. A Jumbo Jet weighs more than an elephant.

2. There are 1800 thunderstorms on Earth at any given moment.

3. There are 8.5 million lightning strikes on Earth every single day,
(p.s. a bolt of lightning always hits the highest point.)

4. There's also a lot of mad Libyan terrorists about.

5. And don't forget those Iraqi's - they're still livid.

6. The distance between the wing-tips of a Boeing 747 is longer than
the first flight made by the Wright brothers, but shorter than the
Irish football team's passing game.

7. A plane can also cut wood. It can scythe down one square mile of
trees when it crashes into a forest.

8. All the world's airlines demand a copy of the Irish football team's
fixture list, so that their aeroplanes can avoid the stadiums where
Ireland are playing.

9. Chaos Theory, also known as Sod's Law, predicts that if you are
terrified of flying that you take a train or ship instead, a 747
will probably crash on your carriage or recreation deck.

10. The whole fleet of Air Europe managed to go down - in one single
night.