Reply to: How to Approach 'Paternity' Time Off With Potential Clients?

[psychocandy]

I prefer to support financially, I would be a hindrance more than a help, im sure for 8 hours of the day she can manage with help from mother in law etc.

New age father we got here.

Sometimes it aint so straightforward as others have pointed out. It wasnt in my case - wife was very ill for months afterwards (still not right). I was working a gig 90 mins drive away - not ideal. Nealry had to can it. Family support only goes so far.

Then again a mate of mine had real hassle. Twins, both in hospital for a month, trouble was mother was in hospital for two months. So after month hes gets two small babies dropped onto him. Luckily he was perm at the time so managed.

[psychocandy]

BrilloPad et al were following the letter of the law too when they thought paying no tax would be a good idea. Ask him how that played out sometime.

Im not aware of what BP did to be honest. Im guessing it was some sort of scheme?

Not quite the same with JSA though, is it? Basically, you fill in the forms, answer the questions, then they decide if you are elligible for JSA or not. End of story.

[MyUserName]

Apart from when you aren't there in the evening, all night and early morning. Or if you are working somewhere that doesn't allow mobile phones.

And that assumes that all that you need to deal with someone suffering from postpartum depression is to have a quick phone call now and then during the day.

Well, yes okay - I was thinking "True.. = I am not going to argue that because even if it were true .." perhaps I should have clarified.

[TheFaQQer]

True

Apart from when you aren't there in the evening, all night and early morning. Or if you are working somewhere that doesn't allow mobile phones.

And that assumes that all that you need to deal with someone suffering from postpartum depression is to have a quick phone call now and then during the day.

[MyUserName]

But you are still going to be there in evening, all night, early morning via phone throughout the day.

True but this is not the same as having close physical contact with the baby or being able to actively help out at night (I mean take the 2am-5am shift) so your wife can rest and recover rather than needing to sleep because you have work in the morning.

However, please do not forget that many fathers actually want to be at home with their new baby. The mothers could solo it, perhaps with help from friends and family but some/most fathers actively want to be there doing there share and enjoying time with their new child.

[d000hg]

But you are still going to be there in evening, all night, early morning via phone throughout the day.

Not if you get lucky with a contract that requires you to work away, and live in a pleasant B&B that doesn't smell of nappies and sick.

[Unix]

Add in postpartum depression (which is statistically more likely with autumnal and winter births), and I'd never want to be away immediately after the birth.

But you are still going to be there in evening, all night, early morning via phone throughout the day.

[TheFaQQer]

It does rather depend. On top of a new baby, there is a big difference between:

- a normal vaginal delivery
- a traumatic vaginal delivery (instruments, episiotomy etc.)
- an easy labour
- a difficult labour
- a planned caesarian delivery
- an emergency caesarian delivery

But also, it's a very magical time to be around your new baby.

Add in postpartum depression (which is statistically more likely with autumnal and winter births), and I'd never want to be away immediately after the birth.

[MyUserName]

Why take time off, the baby doesn't do much the first few months, better to wait and take holidays when it is walking/talking.

To help bond with the baby. There is no real need as such, it is just something most fathers actually want to do.

One of the strongest memories I have of my 5 year old was the first night we had her back from the hospital (she was in ICU for 5 days), her scalp had torn open in the delivery due to the suction cup they had used. We could not put her on her back as it hurt her head, we were advised not to put her on her front. She cried and cried until I put her on my chest and held her there, supporting her head, as I lay in a dark room, she feel asleep almost immediately. It is moments like this that help you become a parent rather than just the biological father.

[d000hg]

Do you actually have children? The reason to take time off is primarily to support your wife/partner and nothing to do with you or the baby.

One tiny baby shouldn't need two full time carers. Obviously if there are complications it's different - the mother may be unable to lift the baby, etc but we* all managed just fine in the days paternity leave was non-existent and fathers wouldn't even take the birth-day off!



*men

[Unix]

It does rather depend. On top of a new baby, there is a big difference between:

- a normal vaginal delivery
- a traumatic vaginal delivery (instruments, episiotomy etc.)
- an easy labour
- a difficult labour
- a planned caesarian delivery
- an emergency caesarian delivery

But also, it's a very magical time to be around your new baby.

Everyday for me is magical, moreso when they start developing some sort of personality.

[speling bee]

I prefer to support financially, I would be a hindrance more than a help, im sure for 8 hours of the day she can manage with help from mother in law etc.

It does rather depend. On top of a new baby, there is a big difference between:

- a normal vaginal delivery
- a traumatic vaginal delivery (instruments, episiotomy etc.)
- an easy labour
- a difficult labour
- a planned caesarian delivery
- an emergency caesarian delivery

But also, it's a very magical time to be around your new baby.

[Unix]

Do you actually have children? The reason to take time off is primarily to support your wife/partner and nothing to do with you or the baby.

I prefer to support financially, I would be a hindrance more than a help, im sure for 8 hours of the day she can manage with help from mother in law etc.

[speling bee]

Don't even go there.

Well it would, wouldn't it?

Here he would be giving advice on when to take paternity leave, and he wouldn't even be a father! The irony!!

[dty]

It would be ironic if he didn't.

Don't even go there.