Yes, it's time to come down and see if you can win win win exciting cash
or the dream holiday of a lifetime for two in Beirut, because it's time
to finally play...
TV GAME SHOWS AROUND THE WORLD
FRANCE
What's my smell?
Introduced by wacky Charles Aznavour and featuring a panel of has-beens,
the aim of the game is for members of the public to come on and be
humiliated and to then try and recognise celebrities through sniffing
their bodily secretions. Tonight's star prize: a bicycle, a string of
onions, a beret, and a striped jersy.
NAURU
Primary School Challenge
Televised 52 weeks a year, due to Nauru's traditional shortage of
children the teams are always the same, namely class A and class B
of the Saint Great God Boga-Tem Primary School and Spar Supermarket.
Tonight's star prize: a bag of cowrie shells to spend on a luxury
weekend break for two on Pitcairn Islands.
AUSTRIA
Master Race
In which it would seem there are some people who can remember
absolutely everything there is to know about subjects as diverse
as Frederick the Greats Collection of Nostril Hair Clippers, French
18th Century Paperweights, or Swedish Humour from Bergman to the
present day. They're really good, but it's funny how, in the general
knowledge section, not one contestant can ever remember what they were
doing between 1939 to 1945.
Tonights star prize: A watertight alibi.
BOLIVIA
Bulltulip
Winner of last week's show, the President of Bolivia walks up and
down in front of a military coup in the studio. Has-been Bolivian
celeb, Greasy Bob Hacienda, asks contestants general knowledge
questions such as:
"Which general took over the reins of Bolivian goverment for two
weeks in 1911?"
"Who's the tallest general ever to have been military dictator of
Bolivia?"
"How many generals does it take to change a lightbulb?" (*)
He then calls for a special gun to be loaded ("Bernardo, the bullet
please") and a blindfolded assasin then receives aiming instructions
from his bimbo girlfriend. If he misses, he is disappeared from the show
and probably won't be back next week.
Tonight's star prize: Total control of the goverment, but you'll
have to come back next week so that you can walk up and down in front
of the next lucky couple.
SWEDEN
A Quostion of Smot
Over the hill Swdish porn stars, politicians, members of the Royal
Family and Ingmar Bergman get together and answer general knowledge
questions on Swedish porn movie classics as Inge Does It Anywhere,
Swedish Nurses In Sweden, The Stockholm Schlong, Malmo Mammaries and
Abba Live In Concert in Gotenburg.
Tonights star prize: Some birch twiga and all the snow you can eat.
IRELAND
Blind Drunk
Introduced by Dana, the aim of the game is for contestants to pick a
partner for an evening of serious drinking in Dublin.
This weeks star prize: Private treatment for your cirrhosis of the
liver and a years lifetime supply of Mates condoms.
SOVIT UNION
The Price is R (but the goods have not been delivered yet)
Contestants are shown photographs of western luxury goods which they
will win (the photo's that is), if they can correctly guess the price
and are prepared to grass up their neighbours for some appropriately
expensive anti-Soviet crimes. If you can prove that your grandmother
is a high ranking CIA officer, you get a fridge.
Tonight's star prize: Some ball-bearings and a tractor head-gasket.
ANTARTICA
Cold For A Laugh
"Inuit the Eskimo came back to his village after a month out hunting
and found that we'ed moved his igloo to the Sahara."
"Nanook went out fishing, but to his surprise, found there were'nt
any fish. That's because when he was'nt looking, we poisened 500
square miles of the sea."
"We played a really good joke on Smedley, a scientist at the Bloody
Cold Bay weather station. We fixed his instruments to tell him he was in
for a heatwave, so wearing only his bermuda shorts he took his team
of Huskies to go sunbathing at the Pole in the middle of the coldest
snow for 250 years."
Yes, these are typical of the wacky japes and yocks that the crazy
people on Antartica's favourite game show get up to.
Tonight's star prize: A fridge (with real ice).
HAITI
Voodoo You Do
The studio audience for this one are all zombies. So what else is new?
Tonight star prize: A dead chcken.
LIECHTENSTEIN
Round Liechtenstein Quiz
The cream of Liechtenstein's intelligentsia - Rudi the postman, the
widow Frankenstein and her worthless son Adelbert - answer questions
on Liechtenstein's history and culture set by Professor Sigmund Von
Doppelganger of the Acedemic Liechtstenoise (S.von Doppelganger sole
prop.). A sample question "Anyone remember anything that happened in
Liechtenstein in 1952?" (Buzz - The Widow Frankenstein). "Wasn't that
the year that the bus fare went up by two pfennigs?"
"I'm sorry Widow Frankenstein, that was not the correct answer. The
correct answer was that as usual, bugger all happened in Liechtenstein
in 1952."
Tonight's star prize: Bugger all.
SOUTH AFRICA
Blenkety Blenk
A panel of has-beens are invited to try and guess what they would have
read in their newspapers this week if large sections had not been
censored out. For example: "250 blanks were arrested and blanked up by
our brave, wonderful, noble blank police in blank township last blank."
This week's star prize: Blenk.
THE VATICAN
The Genuflection Game
Some typical questions and answers on the Pope's favourite show::
Is contraception a good idea ?
- No
Will homosexuals burn in hell for all eternity ?
- Yes
Who hanged the Banker ?
- Pass
Tonight's star prize: Infallability, The opportunity to travel, a
funny car and a fridge.
GREAT BRITAIN
Pure Bigotry
I've noticed that in the course of this little piece I have been
especially xenophobic and have propogated a number of predictable
and offensive racial stereotypes.
I would like to point out that in my view, there is no game show
anywhere in the world that is worse than 3-2-1 with Ted "Ted" Rogers,
and that furthermore that there is no general public in the world more
stupid than that which constitutes the audience, viewers and in
particular the contestants for this remarkably asinine programme.
Tonights star prize: Dusty Bin, a blind date with Cilla Black, a
Dart in the Head and Leslie Crowther at a Knock Out price.
(*) - answer to Bolivian question, two - one to change the lightbulb,
one to chage the goverment.
or the dream holiday of a lifetime for two in Beirut, because it's time
to finally play...
TV GAME SHOWS AROUND THE WORLD
FRANCE
What's my smell?
Introduced by wacky Charles Aznavour and featuring a panel of has-beens,
the aim of the game is for members of the public to come on and be
humiliated and to then try and recognise celebrities through sniffing
their bodily secretions. Tonight's star prize: a bicycle, a string of
onions, a beret, and a striped jersy.
NAURU
Primary School Challenge
Televised 52 weeks a year, due to Nauru's traditional shortage of
children the teams are always the same, namely class A and class B
of the Saint Great God Boga-Tem Primary School and Spar Supermarket.
Tonight's star prize: a bag of cowrie shells to spend on a luxury
weekend break for two on Pitcairn Islands.
AUSTRIA
Master Race
In which it would seem there are some people who can remember
absolutely everything there is to know about subjects as diverse
as Frederick the Greats Collection of Nostril Hair Clippers, French
18th Century Paperweights, or Swedish Humour from Bergman to the
present day. They're really good, but it's funny how, in the general
knowledge section, not one contestant can ever remember what they were
doing between 1939 to 1945.
Tonights star prize: A watertight alibi.
BOLIVIA
Bulltulip
Winner of last week's show, the President of Bolivia walks up and
down in front of a military coup in the studio. Has-been Bolivian
celeb, Greasy Bob Hacienda, asks contestants general knowledge
questions such as:
"Which general took over the reins of Bolivian goverment for two
weeks in 1911?"
"Who's the tallest general ever to have been military dictator of
Bolivia?"
"How many generals does it take to change a lightbulb?" (*)
He then calls for a special gun to be loaded ("Bernardo, the bullet
please") and a blindfolded assasin then receives aiming instructions
from his bimbo girlfriend. If he misses, he is disappeared from the show
and probably won't be back next week.
Tonight's star prize: Total control of the goverment, but you'll
have to come back next week so that you can walk up and down in front
of the next lucky couple.
SWEDEN
A Quostion of Smot
Over the hill Swdish porn stars, politicians, members of the Royal
Family and Ingmar Bergman get together and answer general knowledge
questions on Swedish porn movie classics as Inge Does It Anywhere,
Swedish Nurses In Sweden, The Stockholm Schlong, Malmo Mammaries and
Abba Live In Concert in Gotenburg.
Tonights star prize: Some birch twiga and all the snow you can eat.
IRELAND
Blind Drunk
Introduced by Dana, the aim of the game is for contestants to pick a
partner for an evening of serious drinking in Dublin.
This weeks star prize: Private treatment for your cirrhosis of the
liver and a years lifetime supply of Mates condoms.
SOVIT UNION
The Price is R (but the goods have not been delivered yet)
Contestants are shown photographs of western luxury goods which they
will win (the photo's that is), if they can correctly guess the price
and are prepared to grass up their neighbours for some appropriately
expensive anti-Soviet crimes. If you can prove that your grandmother
is a high ranking CIA officer, you get a fridge.
Tonight's star prize: Some ball-bearings and a tractor head-gasket.
ANTARTICA
Cold For A Laugh
"Inuit the Eskimo came back to his village after a month out hunting
and found that we'ed moved his igloo to the Sahara."
"Nanook went out fishing, but to his surprise, found there were'nt
any fish. That's because when he was'nt looking, we poisened 500
square miles of the sea."
"We played a really good joke on Smedley, a scientist at the Bloody
Cold Bay weather station. We fixed his instruments to tell him he was in
for a heatwave, so wearing only his bermuda shorts he took his team
of Huskies to go sunbathing at the Pole in the middle of the coldest
snow for 250 years."
Yes, these are typical of the wacky japes and yocks that the crazy
people on Antartica's favourite game show get up to.
Tonight's star prize: A fridge (with real ice).
HAITI
Voodoo You Do
The studio audience for this one are all zombies. So what else is new?
Tonight star prize: A dead chcken.
LIECHTENSTEIN
Round Liechtenstein Quiz
The cream of Liechtenstein's intelligentsia - Rudi the postman, the
widow Frankenstein and her worthless son Adelbert - answer questions
on Liechtenstein's history and culture set by Professor Sigmund Von
Doppelganger of the Acedemic Liechtstenoise (S.von Doppelganger sole
prop.). A sample question "Anyone remember anything that happened in
Liechtenstein in 1952?" (Buzz - The Widow Frankenstein). "Wasn't that
the year that the bus fare went up by two pfennigs?"
"I'm sorry Widow Frankenstein, that was not the correct answer. The
correct answer was that as usual, bugger all happened in Liechtenstein
in 1952."
Tonight's star prize: Bugger all.
SOUTH AFRICA
Blenkety Blenk
A panel of has-beens are invited to try and guess what they would have
read in their newspapers this week if large sections had not been
censored out. For example: "250 blanks were arrested and blanked up by
our brave, wonderful, noble blank police in blank township last blank."
This week's star prize: Blenk.
THE VATICAN
The Genuflection Game
Some typical questions and answers on the Pope's favourite show::
Is contraception a good idea ?
- No
Will homosexuals burn in hell for all eternity ?
- Yes
Who hanged the Banker ?
- Pass
Tonight's star prize: Infallability, The opportunity to travel, a
funny car and a fridge.
GREAT BRITAIN
Pure Bigotry
I've noticed that in the course of this little piece I have been
especially xenophobic and have propogated a number of predictable
and offensive racial stereotypes.
I would like to point out that in my view, there is no game show
anywhere in the world that is worse than 3-2-1 with Ted "Ted" Rogers,
and that furthermore that there is no general public in the world more
stupid than that which constitutes the audience, viewers and in
particular the contestants for this remarkably asinine programme.
Tonights star prize: Dusty Bin, a blind date with Cilla Black, a
Dart in the Head and Leslie Crowther at a Knock Out price.
(*) - answer to Bolivian question, two - one to change the lightbulb,
one to chage the goverment.
