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pace car n. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow, unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up bastards behind it to put their foot down.
pagga n. A free-for-all fight between anyone who wants to join in.
painting the ceiling euph. w@nking; the one handed snake charming of the pant python.
panda's eye n. A ringpiece.
pan handle UK euph. Erect pen1s; wood; a bonk on.
pan-handle pipes n. A Peruvian sex act, whereby a woman blows across the top of several men's cocks of differing lengths side by side.
pan smile n. The crescent-shaped pi55-bleached patch of carpet that grins yellowly around, the base of the toilet. Also Queen Mum's smile.
pantilever n. pi55 handle.
pant moustache n. The effect achieved when the mapatasi (qv) extends symmetrically beyond either side of the shreddies (qv). See also spiders legs.
pants 1. interj. Exclamation of dismay. 2. n. Rubbish; nonsense; arse. As in: "You're talking pants!".
pap baffle n. The scrunched up piece of bog roll placed in the pan which makes the person in the next cubicle genuinely believe that your sh1t doesn't make a 'plop' when it hits the water.
paps n. Olde Worlde Tits.
Parisian breasts n. See lung warts.
park the fudge v. To sh1t; pass a stool; crimp off a length.
particulars n. Of low budget British sex comedies involving police officers, a ladies underwear; knickers. As in: "H-excuse me medem, but I may need to take down your particulars". (Fnarr fharr! (qv))
parts of shame n. A God-botherer's genitals.
pasata grin n. See Mexican lipstick (qv).
passion flaps n. A more romantic term for an axe wound (qv).
passion pit n. Bed. See also Dutch oven.
Pat Cash rhym. slang. rhym. slang. rhym. slang. rhym. slang. Slash; pi55; siphon the python. From the Australian tennis player.
pavement pizza n. The contents of ones stomach as they appear after barfing (qv) in the street.
pearl necklace n. The sticky consequences of reaching the Billy Mill roundabout (qv) whilst having a sausage sandwich (qv). As in: "I gave her a beautiful pearl necklace".
pebble dash v. To crop spray (qv) the toilet bowl with clarts (qv).
peeling the carrot euph. Spanking the monkey.
pensioner's leg n. A thin, pale, knobbly, veiny pen1s.
Percy 1. UK n. pen1s. As in: "Im just off to point Percy at the porcelain". 2. A small green 0-4-0 saddle tank steam locomotive.
period drama n. To describe the moody and eratic behaviour of women at times of PMT.
Perry Como rhym. slang. An easy listening crafty butcher (qv).
pie See hairy, fish, Captain's.
pie-blight n. Muffdruff.
pie-liner n. A femidom.
pig-bite euph. A poetic term for the va**na. 'A daughter of the Gods, divinely tall / And with a pig-bite like a horse's collar." (from A Dream of Fair Women', by Alfred, Lord Tennyson).
pik abbr. Pig In Knickers. An extremely unattractive fleshy woman.
pills n. Pods; knackers (qv).
pilot of the chocolate runway See navigator of the Windward passage.
pinch a loaf See curl one off.
pineapple rhym. slang. Sperm; semen. From pineapple chunk - spunk.
pink Darth Vadar euph. Cock. From the Star Wars character with a bell end (qv) for a helmet.
pink oboe euph. pen1s. As in: "Tell me madam, do you play the pink oboe?"
pink panatella euph. See Whitehouse cigar.
pink steel n. Material used as an alternative to wood (qv).
pink velvet sausage wallet euph. va**na.
pipe smoker 1. US n. Botter (qv). 2. A person who smokes a pipe.
pirate of men's pants euph. Swashbuckling term for your jolly Rogerer; cock; pen1s.
pi55 flaps 1. n. Labia; beef curtains. 2. interj. Exclamation of disappointment. As in "Oh pi55 flaps! I never win the Lottery!"
pi55-proud adj. To be the owner of a dawn horn; morning glory.
pi55 rusty water Roger Mellie euph. To gargle and spit arse pi55 (qv); to crop spray.
pitch a tent v. To get wood (qv) beneath the bed linen, or conspicuously in ones trousers.
plastic cockney n. A mockney. A posh person who affects to be an Eastender, eg. Ben Elton, Nigel Kennedy, Shane McGowan.
plastic paddy n. A person who affects to be Irish, e.g. Shane McGowan.
playing the slot v, Female Masturbation.
playing chopsticks v. A beginners' duet. Engaging in mutual masturbation.
playing the bone-a-phone euph. w@nking; partaking of a hand shandy.
play the pink oboe v. To perform oral sex on a man. Usually homophobic. As in: "I didn't know Michael Barrymore played the pink oboe".
plinthe n. A large and somewhat redundant pen1s.
plonker n. An actor who relies entirely on one crap put-down line and a three wheeler car to maintain an entire situation comedy for years and years and ******* years.
plums n. Knackers; balls; testicles. Together with melons and large pairs, the source of much mirth in British fruit shops.
plumber's toolhag euph. The furry bicycle stand (qv); mott.
Plymouth Argyles rhym. slang Piles. From the famous Plymouth football club.
poblycwm Welsh n. People who like quim (qv).
pocket frog n. A fart; botty burp; anal announcement.
pocket rocket See porridge gun.
poes S. Africa n. va**na.
poe slap n. Sanitary towel.
pogue mahone Gaelic Kiss my arse, to be sure.
poke v. male To shag; screw; have sex with.
polish a turd v. To fruitlessly attempt to dress up something sh1te, eg. the relaunch of the Morris Marina as the 'Ital', or putting a baseball cap on William Hague.
polish the lighthouse v. male To masturbate in the bath.
polo exclm. Acronym used in military correspondence prior to coming home from a posting abroad. Pants off, legs open.
poo packer See Marmite driller.
poo pipe pirate See kakpipe cosmonaut.
poond n. From the Geordie ,a poond o' tripe'. See gunt.
poontang v. To lick the poon.
poop chute n. Bumhole; arse.
pop shot n. A scene in a pornographic movie in which a male actor is required to splash his population paste (qv) on camera, after being suitably prepared by the fluffer (qv).
population paste n. Semen; baby bullets (qv).
pork sword n. pen1s; bacon bazooka; lamb cannon etc.
porridge gun n. A tool used to distribute population paste (qv).
portion n. A good seeing to; a shag. As in: "I'd give her a portion, and no mistake".
pouch n. An aging, saggy mott (qv) that hangs like a sporran.
pressed ham n. The effect achieved by pushing one's naked buttocks onto the photocopier at the office Christmas party.
prune juice n. Fizzy gravy (qv); bubblepoo (qv). Anal seepage.
pugwash Aus. n. Blow job.
pull the Pope's cap off v. To bash the bishop; box the Jesuit.
pull a train euph. To take turns at stirring the porridge (qv); for a group of men to all have sex with the same lady friend.
puma abbr. Pants Up My Arse. See hungry arse.
pumper's lump n. The condition of enhanced right forearm muscle due to excessive w@nking.
puppies n. affectionate Breasts.
purple headed womb broom euph. pen1s. purple helmet n. Pink Darth Vader's headgear; bobbies helmet; bell end; glans.
pace car n. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow, unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up bastards behind it to put their foot down.
pagga n. A free-for-all fight between anyone who wants to join in.
painting the ceiling euph. w@nking; the one handed snake charming of the pant python.
panda's eye n. A ringpiece.
pan handle UK euph. Erect pen1s; wood; a bonk on.
pan-handle pipes n. A Peruvian sex act, whereby a woman blows across the top of several men's cocks of differing lengths side by side.
pan smile n. The crescent-shaped pi55-bleached patch of carpet that grins yellowly around, the base of the toilet. Also Queen Mum's smile.
pantilever n. pi55 handle.
pant moustache n. The effect achieved when the mapatasi (qv) extends symmetrically beyond either side of the shreddies (qv). See also spiders legs.
pants 1. interj. Exclamation of dismay. 2. n. Rubbish; nonsense; arse. As in: "You're talking pants!".
pap baffle n. The scrunched up piece of bog roll placed in the pan which makes the person in the next cubicle genuinely believe that your sh1t doesn't make a 'plop' when it hits the water.
paps n. Olde Worlde Tits.
Parisian breasts n. See lung warts.
park the fudge v. To sh1t; pass a stool; crimp off a length.
particulars n. Of low budget British sex comedies involving police officers, a ladies underwear; knickers. As in: "H-excuse me medem, but I may need to take down your particulars". (Fnarr fharr! (qv))
parts of shame n. A God-botherer's genitals.
pasata grin n. See Mexican lipstick (qv).
passion flaps n. A more romantic term for an axe wound (qv).
passion pit n. Bed. See also Dutch oven.
Pat Cash rhym. slang. rhym. slang. rhym. slang. rhym. slang. Slash; pi55; siphon the python. From the Australian tennis player.
pavement pizza n. The contents of ones stomach as they appear after barfing (qv) in the street.
pearl necklace n. The sticky consequences of reaching the Billy Mill roundabout (qv) whilst having a sausage sandwich (qv). As in: "I gave her a beautiful pearl necklace".
pebble dash v. To crop spray (qv) the toilet bowl with clarts (qv).
peeling the carrot euph. Spanking the monkey.
pensioner's leg n. A thin, pale, knobbly, veiny pen1s.
Percy 1. UK n. pen1s. As in: "Im just off to point Percy at the porcelain". 2. A small green 0-4-0 saddle tank steam locomotive.
period drama n. To describe the moody and eratic behaviour of women at times of PMT.
Perry Como rhym. slang. An easy listening crafty butcher (qv).
pie See hairy, fish, Captain's.
pie-blight n. Muffdruff.
pie-liner n. A femidom.
pig-bite euph. A poetic term for the va**na. 'A daughter of the Gods, divinely tall / And with a pig-bite like a horse's collar." (from A Dream of Fair Women', by Alfred, Lord Tennyson).
pik abbr. Pig In Knickers. An extremely unattractive fleshy woman.
pills n. Pods; knackers (qv).
pilot of the chocolate runway See navigator of the Windward passage.
pinch a loaf See curl one off.
pineapple rhym. slang. Sperm; semen. From pineapple chunk - spunk.
pink Darth Vadar euph. Cock. From the Star Wars character with a bell end (qv) for a helmet.
pink oboe euph. pen1s. As in: "Tell me madam, do you play the pink oboe?"
pink panatella euph. See Whitehouse cigar.
pink steel n. Material used as an alternative to wood (qv).
pink velvet sausage wallet euph. va**na.
pipe smoker 1. US n. Botter (qv). 2. A person who smokes a pipe.
pirate of men's pants euph. Swashbuckling term for your jolly Rogerer; cock; pen1s.
pi55 flaps 1. n. Labia; beef curtains. 2. interj. Exclamation of disappointment. As in "Oh pi55 flaps! I never win the Lottery!"
pi55-proud adj. To be the owner of a dawn horn; morning glory.
pi55 rusty water Roger Mellie euph. To gargle and spit arse pi55 (qv); to crop spray.
pitch a tent v. To get wood (qv) beneath the bed linen, or conspicuously in ones trousers.
plastic cockney n. A mockney. A posh person who affects to be an Eastender, eg. Ben Elton, Nigel Kennedy, Shane McGowan.
plastic paddy n. A person who affects to be Irish, e.g. Shane McGowan.
playing the slot v, Female Masturbation.
playing chopsticks v. A beginners' duet. Engaging in mutual masturbation.
playing the bone-a-phone euph. w@nking; partaking of a hand shandy.
play the pink oboe v. To perform oral sex on a man. Usually homophobic. As in: "I didn't know Michael Barrymore played the pink oboe".
plinthe n. A large and somewhat redundant pen1s.
plonker n. An actor who relies entirely on one crap put-down line and a three wheeler car to maintain an entire situation comedy for years and years and ******* years.
plums n. Knackers; balls; testicles. Together with melons and large pairs, the source of much mirth in British fruit shops.
plumber's toolhag euph. The furry bicycle stand (qv); mott.
Plymouth Argyles rhym. slang Piles. From the famous Plymouth football club.
poblycwm Welsh n. People who like quim (qv).
pocket frog n. A fart; botty burp; anal announcement.
pocket rocket See porridge gun.
poes S. Africa n. va**na.
poe slap n. Sanitary towel.
pogue mahone Gaelic Kiss my arse, to be sure.
poke v. male To shag; screw; have sex with.
polish a turd v. To fruitlessly attempt to dress up something sh1te, eg. the relaunch of the Morris Marina as the 'Ital', or putting a baseball cap on William Hague.
polish the lighthouse v. male To masturbate in the bath.
polo exclm. Acronym used in military correspondence prior to coming home from a posting abroad. Pants off, legs open.
poo packer See Marmite driller.
poo pipe pirate See kakpipe cosmonaut.
poond n. From the Geordie ,a poond o' tripe'. See gunt.
poontang v. To lick the poon.
poop chute n. Bumhole; arse.
pop shot n. A scene in a pornographic movie in which a male actor is required to splash his population paste (qv) on camera, after being suitably prepared by the fluffer (qv).
population paste n. Semen; baby bullets (qv).
pork sword n. pen1s; bacon bazooka; lamb cannon etc.
porridge gun n. A tool used to distribute population paste (qv).
portion n. A good seeing to; a shag. As in: "I'd give her a portion, and no mistake".
pouch n. An aging, saggy mott (qv) that hangs like a sporran.
pressed ham n. The effect achieved by pushing one's naked buttocks onto the photocopier at the office Christmas party.
prune juice n. Fizzy gravy (qv); bubblepoo (qv). Anal seepage.
pugwash Aus. n. Blow job.
pull the Pope's cap off v. To bash the bishop; box the Jesuit.
pull a train euph. To take turns at stirring the porridge (qv); for a group of men to all have sex with the same lady friend.
puma abbr. Pants Up My Arse. See hungry arse.
pumper's lump n. The condition of enhanced right forearm muscle due to excessive w@nking.
puppies n. affectionate Breasts.
purple headed womb broom euph. pen1s. purple helmet n. Pink Darth Vader's headgear; bobbies helmet; bell end; glans.
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