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test please delete

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    An old geezer in an old people's home takes a fancy to a woman who is also staying there. One day he plucks up the courage to go and talk to her and after a while he says he would like to make love to her. She agrees that when everybody else goes on a day trip they both stay behind at the home and get down to it.

    The old man goes to the woman's room and asks her how she likes to be made love to.

    She tells him that she loves a man to go down on her and asks him if he would mind. He says he would love to do that for her and goes for it.

    After about 30 seconds he comes back up and says that he is sorry but it just smells too bad down there. She thinks for a minute and tells him that it must be the arthritis.

    He looks at her confused and states that surely you can't get arthritis down there and even if you could it wouldn't cause that smell.

    She says "No it's the arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ass!"

    Comment


      The following are all replies that women have put on British Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details(names removed):


      1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.


      2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.


      3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.


      4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.


      5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.


      6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.


      7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.


      8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?


      9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.


      10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilised.

      Comment


        To cut costs, a managing director is forced to sack an employee. After much thought, he narrows the choice down to two young members off the office: Jack and Jill. As the pair have near identical performance records, he cannot decide who should go. So, after hours of deliberation, he comes up with an idea: the first person to go to the water cooler on Monday morning gets axed. Monday arrives and Jill walks in with a monstrous hangover. After a few minutes, she approaches the water cooler. The MD walks over, "Jill, I'm so sorry," he says. "But due to circumstances beyond my control, I've got to lay you or Jack off…" "OK," replies Jill. "Could you jack off then? I've got a bloody awful headache this morning…"

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          Stop it Andrew - you are driving me mad!!!
          Bazza gets caught
          Socrates - "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

          CUK University Challenge Champions 2010

          Comment


            I suppose, since I m not allowed to count, someone will object to me telling jokes next...

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              I'm going to bed now boys

              Sweet dreams boys
              Bazza gets caught
              Socrates - "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

              CUK University Challenge Champions 2010

              Comment


                told you so!

                Cailin - what is wrong now - can't I do anything on here?

                Comment


                  Originally posted by cailin maith View Post
                  I'm going to bed now boys

                  Sweet dreams boys
                  night night

                  <firm handshake>

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
                    I suppose, since I m not allowed to count, someone will object to me telling jokes next...
                    Type the jokes, don't just cut and paste them. That way you'll feel the humour. Absorb it into your bones.

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by zeitghost
                      Byeeee, we'll all be dreaming of you, pretty lady...
                      Why's it suddenly gone quiet?

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