SAINT OR SINNER
---------------
Have you got the morals of a saint or the scruples
of a three bollocked monkey on heat.
1. You are walking along the street when you notice an old lady
drop her purse without realising it. Do you...
a) Pick up the purse and return it to her
b) Pick up the purse, empty it and return it to her
c) Pick up the purse, put it in your pocket, then snatch her
handbag to see what else she's got.
2. Coming out of church you walk past the collection plate. You
have only 5p on you, do you...
a) Willingly give up your last 5p.
b) Put your 5p in and take 50p change.
c) Just grab the plate and run off like a greyhound with it's arse
on fire.
3. A friend tells you a juicy bit of scandal involving a well known
individual but makes you swear not to tell anyone. Do you...
a) Keep quiet.
b) Tell your best friend but stress it must go no further.
c) Sell the story to the sun and bugger off to the Bahamas on
the proceeds.
4. You discover a friends wife is having an affair. Do you...
a) Hope she'll see the errors of her ways and keep your nose out of it.
b) Tell your friend, but in a subtle and diplomatic way, urging them
to calmly discuss the affair with their partner in a mature adult way
c) Confront their partner and pledge eternal silence in return for
$500 and to bonk her senseless.
5. You are in a supermarket and notice an old man shoplifting. Do you...
a) Do nothing. You figure his pension doesn't go far and the store
won't miss a few tins of beans.
b) Follow him round the store so you can have a good laugh when he
gets caught.
c) Shout 'Stop thief', grab him in a headlock and march him round to
the managers office to get the reward.
6. You are in a bank when an armed robbery takes place. An old lady
is taken hostage, do you...
a) Plead with the robbers to take you instead.
b) Keep your mouth shout, stand in a corner and quietly soil
your underwear.
c) Nonchalantly wander over to the cashpoint and draw out all your money
before it gets stolen, then shout out, 'The old lady just pressed the
alarm bell!' and use the ensuing chaos to make good your escape.
7. In the pub you pay for a round of drinks with a ten pound note. The
barmaid only gives change for a five, do you...
a) Say nothing, you don't like to make fuss.
b) Point out the mistake, but lie and tell her it was a twenty.
c) Leap over the bar, punch the stupid girl in the face, raid the
till and help yourself to a bottle of Jack Daniels on the house.
8. A friend asks you to look after a couple of goldfish while they're
on holiday. Unfortunately the goldfish die, do you...
a) But two more to replace them.
b) Flush them down the toilet and break the news over the phone.
c) Help yourself to a bag of oven chips out the freezer and have
yourself a fry-up.
9. A friend with a body odour problem comes round. He smells like he's
spent the night underneath a buffalo. Do you...
a) Grin and bear it.
b) Casually break into a conversation about personal hygiene whilst
wildly fanning the air about you.
c) Put a peg on your nose, shout:'Jesus Christ! You smell like an
Orang-Utan,' and make them spend the duration of their visit
standing at the bottom of the garden with their pockets full
of pot-pourri.
10. You are halfway through a meal in an Indian restaurant when you
suddenly realise you've left your money at home. Do you...
a) Phone a friend or relative and ask them to bring you some money.
b) Offer to do the washing up in the vain hope that you may be able
to climb out the kitchen window when no-ones looking.
c) Take a mouthful of food, then spray it noisily all over the table
shouting, 'Oi! Ghandi, you trying to f**kin' poison me or something'.
Then run for the door clutching your stomach and dribbling Chicken
Masala down your shirt. (only recommended for English lager louts).
For each answer A score 3 points
For each answer B score 2 points
For each answer C score 1 point
20 points or over: Well what a nicey nice sugar and spice, powder
puff panty person you are. I bet you have wet dreams about Esther
Rantzen.
---------------
Have you got the morals of a saint or the scruples
of a three bollocked monkey on heat.
1. You are walking along the street when you notice an old lady
drop her purse without realising it. Do you...
a) Pick up the purse and return it to her
b) Pick up the purse, empty it and return it to her
c) Pick up the purse, put it in your pocket, then snatch her
handbag to see what else she's got.
2. Coming out of church you walk past the collection plate. You
have only 5p on you, do you...
a) Willingly give up your last 5p.
b) Put your 5p in and take 50p change.
c) Just grab the plate and run off like a greyhound with it's arse
on fire.
3. A friend tells you a juicy bit of scandal involving a well known
individual but makes you swear not to tell anyone. Do you...
a) Keep quiet.
b) Tell your best friend but stress it must go no further.
c) Sell the story to the sun and bugger off to the Bahamas on
the proceeds.
4. You discover a friends wife is having an affair. Do you...
a) Hope she'll see the errors of her ways and keep your nose out of it.
b) Tell your friend, but in a subtle and diplomatic way, urging them
to calmly discuss the affair with their partner in a mature adult way
c) Confront their partner and pledge eternal silence in return for
$500 and to bonk her senseless.
5. You are in a supermarket and notice an old man shoplifting. Do you...
a) Do nothing. You figure his pension doesn't go far and the store
won't miss a few tins of beans.
b) Follow him round the store so you can have a good laugh when he
gets caught.
c) Shout 'Stop thief', grab him in a headlock and march him round to
the managers office to get the reward.
6. You are in a bank when an armed robbery takes place. An old lady
is taken hostage, do you...
a) Plead with the robbers to take you instead.
b) Keep your mouth shout, stand in a corner and quietly soil
your underwear.
c) Nonchalantly wander over to the cashpoint and draw out all your money
before it gets stolen, then shout out, 'The old lady just pressed the
alarm bell!' and use the ensuing chaos to make good your escape.
7. In the pub you pay for a round of drinks with a ten pound note. The
barmaid only gives change for a five, do you...
a) Say nothing, you don't like to make fuss.
b) Point out the mistake, but lie and tell her it was a twenty.
c) Leap over the bar, punch the stupid girl in the face, raid the
till and help yourself to a bottle of Jack Daniels on the house.
8. A friend asks you to look after a couple of goldfish while they're
on holiday. Unfortunately the goldfish die, do you...
a) But two more to replace them.
b) Flush them down the toilet and break the news over the phone.
c) Help yourself to a bag of oven chips out the freezer and have
yourself a fry-up.
9. A friend with a body odour problem comes round. He smells like he's
spent the night underneath a buffalo. Do you...
a) Grin and bear it.
b) Casually break into a conversation about personal hygiene whilst
wildly fanning the air about you.
c) Put a peg on your nose, shout:'Jesus Christ! You smell like an
Orang-Utan,' and make them spend the duration of their visit
standing at the bottom of the garden with their pockets full
of pot-pourri.
10. You are halfway through a meal in an Indian restaurant when you
suddenly realise you've left your money at home. Do you...
a) Phone a friend or relative and ask them to bring you some money.
b) Offer to do the washing up in the vain hope that you may be able
to climb out the kitchen window when no-ones looking.
c) Take a mouthful of food, then spray it noisily all over the table
shouting, 'Oi! Ghandi, you trying to f**kin' poison me or something'.
Then run for the door clutching your stomach and dribbling Chicken
Masala down your shirt. (only recommended for English lager louts).
For each answer A score 3 points
For each answer B score 2 points
For each answer C score 1 point
20 points or over: Well what a nicey nice sugar and spice, powder
puff panty person you are. I bet you have wet dreams about Esther
Rantzen.
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