Bog roll

[sasguru]

Aww bless, our little boy is all grown up. He's big enough to wipe his own arse.

And when are you going to stop wiping your elbow, doggy?.

[Board Game Geek]

Get a bottle of water, perch like a loony on the toilet, and slosh streams of water down your crevice. No need to use toilet paper. It just becomes a oily, greasy mess down your underwear.

I won't explain which faith adopts this barbaric practice.

[Diver]

Aww bless, our little boy is all grown up. He's big enough to wipe his own arse. All he has to do now is find it.

Couldn't with both hands

[hyperD]

Wipe your 'arris on a squirrel - they're self-cleaning.

(sorry AtW)

[Clippy]

Pick a post from this board, print off and use to wipe your bum.

[PRC1964]

Grow a long enough beard and you will never be without something to wipe with.