Test Please delete

[Paula]

Hi Eveyone

[Paula]

I was hoping some squirrels might post

[BrilloPad]

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
you like to hear first?
Patient: Hit me with the bad news.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both
of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on
your slippers.

[BrilloPad]

One day John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and
see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's office the nurse told him he
could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he'd have to give a urine
sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John
complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

"So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?" the doctor said.

"The nurse must have told you," said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.

"No. It was in your urinalysis." and the doctor continued to say that
he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical
condition with total accuracy. John didn't believe a word of this but
he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.

Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and
his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine.
When John decided to have a little fun with the doctor. John p**sed in
the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to
his garage he had a brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his
crankcase in the jar and finally beat off and put a few drops of semen in
the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it
to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John
was ushered in to see the doctor.

The doctor looked at him and said, "I've got some bad news, smartass.
Your daughter is pregnant, your wife's got V.D., your car is about to
through a rod, and if you don't stop beating off that tennis elbow is
never gonna heal!"

[BrilloPad]

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the
only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder
in school so I could converse with those people"
--J. Danforth Quayle

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--J. Danforth Quayle

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage
between a mother and child."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my
fellow astronauts."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is
somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which
is very important. We have seen pictures where there
are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water,
that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means
we can breathe."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to
have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
--Vice President Dan Quayle
(during a fundraising event for the
United Negro College Fund...
"a mind is a terrible thing to waste"...)

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's
history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century"
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more
freedom and democracy - but that could change."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any
vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89

"May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to
the world."
--The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card.
[not a beacon of literacy though]

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go
forward."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"I have made good judgements in the past. I have made
good judgements in the future."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"The future will be better tomorrow."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"We're going to have the best-educated American people
in the world."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

"People that are really weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
--Vice President Dan Quayle to
Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

"We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are a part
of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We
are a part of Europe."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"Public speaking is very easy."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going
to the polls."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who
caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has
been direct and simple:
Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame.
Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms
of not having it."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92
[reported in Esquire, 8/92]

"Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she
knows she still has a job next year."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
--Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/5/90

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that
teach our children."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"The American people would not want to know of any
misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to
enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not
have made."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
--Vice President Dan Quayle

[BrilloPad]

A notorious hypochondriac who had established himself as the like and soul
of most dinner parties with outlandish descriptions of various ailments,
sat through one evening scarcely saying a word.

"What's the matter?" asked the hostess, "Don't tell me it's so awful you
can't even talk about it."

"It's not that," replied the guest. "It's just that I went to a new
doctor this morning and he cured all my topics of conversation."

[BrilloPad]

This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me.
I just can't stop having sex!"

"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.

"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.

"That's not so much", says the doctor.

"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE
a day," replies the man.

"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.

"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE
a day," says the man.

"Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor. "You've got to learn to
take yourself in hand."

"I do", says the man. "Twice a day."

[BrilloPad]

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors
searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you
lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for
an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."